cantankerous waves
Oh m'goodness... been a funky few days for sure. Nightmare after nightmare, mostly involving big ocean waves and various divisions between ol' blue heaven and myself. One last night that caught me a little off guard was a funny episode where I had red beans and toilet paper crammed tight up my butt and everyone saw it at school (a made up dream school, mind you) and laughed... I ended up getting it all out once I hit the bathroom in my dream... and I thought it was funny and no one made too big a deal of it. Other dreams revolved around sadism and satan and my going completely mad at the thought of them both. Insanity felt... quite strange.
Been struggling to keep a joyful demeanor the last while... I see God working in my life, but I don't feel God close to me, and I want so much to be close to God. Sometimes God feels so foreign... One thing I have recently noticed is that God or interactions with God never appear in my dreams. Satan and evil often do... or crazy fun surrealist weirdness do... but never straight up spirit or Jesus or anything. Always in the analytical with God there. Strange huh? I wonder why the holy spirit doesn't ever seem to inhabit my dream-life. Kinda sad.
Not been sleeping too well these days. A good combination of "I'm sleeping much lighter," bad dreams, and Danél rancorous snoring and arm-flailing. I'm starting to see why some older couples prefer separate beds - Danél isn't quite that bad, but those days may come... in the meantime, I am making due with the little help those orange construction earplugs... they are made for really big ear canals, though, and hurt by morning time. I am thinking of maybe taking some sleeping pills until things quiet down a bit. I know Danél feels bad and there's nothing he can do, really.
In other news, spring break hasn't been much of a break at all... I've been quite a bit irritable (from being exhausted and then unable to sleep well methinks) and unmotivated to do much. Despite that, I will still manage to get my 40 hours this week. 30 of them at my better pay, thank heavens. More money towards getting a lap top (oh, don't we want a lap top).
Got more art to scan in this week and post to my website. Exciting, indeed. Still can't wait to travel around the US in a camper trailer. Called Sweet Pea last night to wish her a happy birthday - she's thriving in Montana. Called Aunt Cathy to wish her a happy birthday as well, but had to leave a message - I suspect she's still in Minnesota visiting the fam-dam-ily (as mom once called it)...
So glad to have a journal to spew out unhappy thoughts at - sure beats, say, Danél or my artwork. I like to save all my good energy for that. Oh balance. B-A-L-A-N-C-E, balance.
So, I'm pretty sure I'll be heading home this summer for a week by myself - Danél will have Seth up here an extra week - and while those two hang out, I will be paling around down in Bellingham. I am a little homesick - and I sure do miss bathtubs. I'm interested to see what it would be like to be married and visiting home - alone. I'll be so much more - knowledgeable and respected, methinks. Anyways, time to head out on a super date with my super hubby!
Been struggling to keep a joyful demeanor the last while... I see God working in my life, but I don't feel God close to me, and I want so much to be close to God. Sometimes God feels so foreign... One thing I have recently noticed is that God or interactions with God never appear in my dreams. Satan and evil often do... or crazy fun surrealist weirdness do... but never straight up spirit or Jesus or anything. Always in the analytical with God there. Strange huh? I wonder why the holy spirit doesn't ever seem to inhabit my dream-life. Kinda sad.
Not been sleeping too well these days. A good combination of "I'm sleeping much lighter," bad dreams, and Danél rancorous snoring and arm-flailing. I'm starting to see why some older couples prefer separate beds - Danél isn't quite that bad, but those days may come... in the meantime, I am making due with the little help those orange construction earplugs... they are made for really big ear canals, though, and hurt by morning time. I am thinking of maybe taking some sleeping pills until things quiet down a bit. I know Danél feels bad and there's nothing he can do, really.
In other news, spring break hasn't been much of a break at all... I've been quite a bit irritable (from being exhausted and then unable to sleep well methinks) and unmotivated to do much. Despite that, I will still manage to get my 40 hours this week. 30 of them at my better pay, thank heavens. More money towards getting a lap top (oh, don't we want a lap top).
Got more art to scan in this week and post to my website. Exciting, indeed. Still can't wait to travel around the US in a camper trailer. Called Sweet Pea last night to wish her a happy birthday - she's thriving in Montana. Called Aunt Cathy to wish her a happy birthday as well, but had to leave a message - I suspect she's still in Minnesota visiting the fam-dam-ily (as mom once called it)...
So glad to have a journal to spew out unhappy thoughts at - sure beats, say, Danél or my artwork. I like to save all my good energy for that. Oh balance. B-A-L-A-N-C-E, balance.
So, I'm pretty sure I'll be heading home this summer for a week by myself - Danél will have Seth up here an extra week - and while those two hang out, I will be paling around down in Bellingham. I am a little homesick - and I sure do miss bathtubs. I'm interested to see what it would be like to be married and visiting home - alone. I'll be so much more - knowledgeable and respected, methinks. Anyways, time to head out on a super date with my super hubby!