(no subject)
Last night we were drinking. I had fun but I also sort of wish I hadn't. I know at first I was fun and loud but I remember that I ended up an emotional wreck, just like I always end up.
Jenae got a job so we went out to the Lemon Grass Cafe (Thai food) to celebrate. It was good food and good friends and I had fun. The overall experience was great. So we're going home and Jenae said something about coming up to hang out. I said they should come down because I didn't want to sit on the floor (we have 3 couches while they have a futon and a chair in their living room) and when we all got home Ben said something about they had Champagne. It got us on the subject of alcohol so after I got all prettied up, we went to fred meyers and Aaron, Kirsten and I were looking for organizing stuff and bathroom stuff while David got us alcohol.
And I learned something new last night. Everyone calls wine cooler stuff "bitch beer" right? Well bitch beer has more alcohol content in it than beer. So I get dunk on Smirnoff things way faster than beer.
Anyways, so we drink and I go say hi to Jenae and Ben and Jay and Jenae comes dowstairs so I can show her the stuff I got at the passion party. All the while I'm drinking a little more and more and getting drunker. So Aaron and I end up in our room and we're talking and I'm texting with Sean and Nick. And I think Aaron understands me a little more now. More than anyone else ever has. I think I even understand myself more now. People see me as naive and a lot of it has to do with how I give other people second chances when I shouldn't. But you know what? I can't help it. As I explained to Aaron last night, I care about people, almost too much in fact. People are what make me happy. And I may be naive for it, but when I look at a person, I don't see what they can do for me or for what I can get. I see their potential. I see them as they are. Everyone is human, and it is human nature to error, so why should I judge someone based on a bad decision? I am not perfect, I know I make mistakes, but people give me second chances. I refuse to give up on the good in people. And I honestly see nothing wrong with that. It hasn't gotten me killed yet. And you know, I'm okay with that.
We also talked about what would happen if we weren't dating. And I don't know whether I would date around or try to be in a relationship. Because if things didn't work out with Aaron, I don't think I'd want to try another real relationship. I know what I have with Aaron is extremely rare. And I'll never find it again. He and I are good for each other is so many ways. And it's not even that we are good for each other, we love each other and we love being together. So in that case, I think that I would date around, and the fact that I'm 20 and maybe it's time to do that. But there's that part of me that says I'm in love with being in love. I am a relationship person. I fell my best in a relationship because I know there is someone who appreciates me and sees me for me. I feel like dating around would lower my self esteem because I would feel like I'm not good enough for anyone in a real relationship. It's all a very confusing situation. But I don't have to worry about that for now.
I think I am going to go shopping in a little bit and find a sweater I can wear to work. The one I have on right now is bothering me. PLus I need to go make my car payment today on my lunch at Bank of America.
And I freaking love the new Peyton Manning commercial. He is so adorable. I think I would probably freak out if I ever met him.
Jenae got a job so we went out to the Lemon Grass Cafe (Thai food) to celebrate. It was good food and good friends and I had fun. The overall experience was great. So we're going home and Jenae said something about coming up to hang out. I said they should come down because I didn't want to sit on the floor (we have 3 couches while they have a futon and a chair in their living room) and when we all got home Ben said something about they had Champagne. It got us on the subject of alcohol so after I got all prettied up, we went to fred meyers and Aaron, Kirsten and I were looking for organizing stuff and bathroom stuff while David got us alcohol.
And I learned something new last night. Everyone calls wine cooler stuff "bitch beer" right? Well bitch beer has more alcohol content in it than beer. So I get dunk on Smirnoff things way faster than beer.
Anyways, so we drink and I go say hi to Jenae and Ben and Jay and Jenae comes dowstairs so I can show her the stuff I got at the passion party. All the while I'm drinking a little more and more and getting drunker. So Aaron and I end up in our room and we're talking and I'm texting with Sean and Nick. And I think Aaron understands me a little more now. More than anyone else ever has. I think I even understand myself more now. People see me as naive and a lot of it has to do with how I give other people second chances when I shouldn't. But you know what? I can't help it. As I explained to Aaron last night, I care about people, almost too much in fact. People are what make me happy. And I may be naive for it, but when I look at a person, I don't see what they can do for me or for what I can get. I see their potential. I see them as they are. Everyone is human, and it is human nature to error, so why should I judge someone based on a bad decision? I am not perfect, I know I make mistakes, but people give me second chances. I refuse to give up on the good in people. And I honestly see nothing wrong with that. It hasn't gotten me killed yet. And you know, I'm okay with that.
We also talked about what would happen if we weren't dating. And I don't know whether I would date around or try to be in a relationship. Because if things didn't work out with Aaron, I don't think I'd want to try another real relationship. I know what I have with Aaron is extremely rare. And I'll never find it again. He and I are good for each other is so many ways. And it's not even that we are good for each other, we love each other and we love being together. So in that case, I think that I would date around, and the fact that I'm 20 and maybe it's time to do that. But there's that part of me that says I'm in love with being in love. I am a relationship person. I fell my best in a relationship because I know there is someone who appreciates me and sees me for me. I feel like dating around would lower my self esteem because I would feel like I'm not good enough for anyone in a real relationship. It's all a very confusing situation. But I don't have to worry about that for now.
I think I am going to go shopping in a little bit and find a sweater I can wear to work. The one I have on right now is bothering me. PLus I need to go make my car payment today on my lunch at Bank of America.
And I freaking love the new Peyton Manning commercial. He is so adorable. I think I would probably freak out if I ever met him.