ah how strange life is
I don't really know what all of this is. I love my job. It's been so fantastic for me. I've been promoted to full time!! That means I pay a lot less for benefits and get paid more at the same time. So much extra money. I think I'll start paying my student loans again. :) Also, I'm way behind on my grad school applications. And my workout. I'm really hoping I make my weight loss by the time I have my party. :(
Good news: In the last three weeks I've managed to fool around with four guys. Yay for not being all sexually frustrated anymore. I've been really hanging out with this one guy especially and he's all nice and sweet and totally not the type of guy I usually wind up with. It's weird. I feel lighter and nice because I can feel his confidence in *me*. That's not usually how I feel with guys. I should probably not mention that I've only really known him for less than a week. But even now I freak out a little bit. It wasn't so bad until a friend of mine told me some really bad news about something an ex of mine did. And all of a sudden the world turned cold and dark in that weird cartoony way, the way everything gets so far away and it's hard to breathe. I tried to act all normal. But all I could remember was ... the bad stuff. And it was in front of this guy. And when it got brought up completely at random, he respected that I didn't want to talk about it. I'm so panicky at the moment because of all of this. I'm cold and back in that awful place I was at back when it happened. It hit me so hard, and I wasn't expecting it at all. I called in sick to work. I'm still feeling sick. Actually sick, as in an awful cold. And it hurts. A lot. And I'm feeling so very detached as I write this, in a strange sort of logical way. Can't type any more. Good night.
Good news: In the last three weeks I've managed to fool around with four guys. Yay for not being all sexually frustrated anymore. I've been really hanging out with this one guy especially and he's all nice and sweet and totally not the type of guy I usually wind up with. It's weird. I feel lighter and nice because I can feel his confidence in *me*. That's not usually how I feel with guys. I should probably not mention that I've only really known him for less than a week. But even now I freak out a little bit. It wasn't so bad until a friend of mine told me some really bad news about something an ex of mine did. And all of a sudden the world turned cold and dark in that weird cartoony way, the way everything gets so far away and it's hard to breathe. I tried to act all normal. But all I could remember was ... the bad stuff. And it was in front of this guy. And when it got brought up completely at random, he respected that I didn't want to talk about it. I'm so panicky at the moment because of all of this. I'm cold and back in that awful place I was at back when it happened. It hit me so hard, and I wasn't expecting it at all. I called in sick to work. I'm still feeling sick. Actually sick, as in an awful cold. And it hurts. A lot. And I'm feeling so very detached as I write this, in a strange sort of logical way. Can't type any more. Good night.