Superpowers
I've been having some trouble sleeping lately. This is not really news, but the other night when I was lying in bed trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep, a sudden inspiration came to me, a little bit because of the insomnia, a little bit due to the result of some thoughts I've been having about my love life in general. I suddenly recalled some advice Dan Savage has given - I can't quote an exact passage, because I'm pretty sure it's advice he's given on multiple occasions. But when responding to people who ask him how they should approach "laying out their kink cards," as it were, he'll tell them something like, present it as a "plus" - "PLUS, I'm into (this)!" He tells people that their weird quirks and unusual kinks are actually superpowers - these qualities help them go above and beyond the norm, in a totally natural and awesome way. So, in that vein, I started thinking about my asexuality, and the issues it causes when it comes to dating. I decided I need to stop thinking about it as a crutch to overcome - no more of this apologetic "I'm not interested in sex, but I'll put up with it if you'll give me the time to be comfortable" nonsense. I don't need to apologize for who I am. I am not sure if I've ever properly "come out," but I'll come right out and say it here: I'm asexual. I'm not interested in sex. I'm not anti-sexual - I like sex, in an intellectual and aesthetic light. But it's really hard to describe what this means to me, so aside from my own personal epiphanies, and the opportunity to put a little of my quirky sense of humor into play (and get some "real" writing done), I think this little exercise will help with that, too.
So, with that perspective in mind, I present: 11 Reasons Why You* Should Date an Asexual**
*You = straight men, so yes, this list is going to look a little overly heteronormative. That is intentional, a little bit for the fun I am poking at stereotypical straight guys, but also because I happen to be a straight lady, so of course I should seek to make my pitch to the audience I want to capture.
**Specifically, this asexual! ~_^
1. You'll never get an unfavorable comparison. No worries about how much better the sex was with my last boyfriend, or the size of your, ah, "equipment."
2. Speaking of your equipment, you'll never have to worry about that failing on you. I'll never run off to my girlfriends and bitch (or laugh) behind your back about misfires or whatever.
3. In a similar vein, I'll never be picturing someone else while having sex with you, or accidentally call out the wrong name or something.
4. And you *know* I'll never fake an orgasm just for your benefit. So when you do make me come, that's worth like, quadzilliondruple points on your man-card, because she's asexual, man!
5. You watch porn? That's cool. I'll probably watch it with you - but if that's not cool, I can leave you alone.
6. Same goes for masturbation - have at it, big fella. (Less for me?)
7. Being dispassionate about sex has its advantages - I've been able to approach it with a more analytical eye, and believe me, my technique is pretty good.
8. Plus, when we *do* have sex, the focus can be totally on you!
9. And you definitely don't have to worry about me having sex with *other* people.
10. On the other hand, if *you* want to, that's totally fine! Why should I be jealous of something that's not that important to me?
11. On that topic, I can be just as disinterested in sex with either sex, if you catch my drift. There's serious unicorn factor here, trust me.
So there you have it. XD I'm magical, baby. *exaggerated wink* Oh yeah. You know you want some of this.
So, with that perspective in mind, I present: 11 Reasons Why You* Should Date an Asexual**
*You = straight men, so yes, this list is going to look a little overly heteronormative. That is intentional, a little bit for the fun I am poking at stereotypical straight guys, but also because I happen to be a straight lady, so of course I should seek to make my pitch to the audience I want to capture.
**Specifically, this asexual! ~_^
1. You'll never get an unfavorable comparison. No worries about how much better the sex was with my last boyfriend, or the size of your, ah, "equipment."
2. Speaking of your equipment, you'll never have to worry about that failing on you. I'll never run off to my girlfriends and bitch (or laugh) behind your back about misfires or whatever.
3. In a similar vein, I'll never be picturing someone else while having sex with you, or accidentally call out the wrong name or something.
4. And you *know* I'll never fake an orgasm just for your benefit. So when you do make me come, that's worth like, quadzilliondruple points on your man-card, because she's asexual, man!
5. You watch porn? That's cool. I'll probably watch it with you - but if that's not cool, I can leave you alone.
6. Same goes for masturbation - have at it, big fella. (Less for me?)
7. Being dispassionate about sex has its advantages - I've been able to approach it with a more analytical eye, and believe me, my technique is pretty good.
8. Plus, when we *do* have sex, the focus can be totally on you!
9. And you definitely don't have to worry about me having sex with *other* people.
10. On the other hand, if *you* want to, that's totally fine! Why should I be jealous of something that's not that important to me?
11. On that topic, I can be just as disinterested in sex with either sex, if you catch my drift. There's serious unicorn factor here, trust me.
So there you have it. XD I'm magical, baby. *exaggerated wink* Oh yeah. You know you want some of this.