Eternal Damnation, Chapter 10

Nov 28, 2010 23:01

Title: Eternal Damnation
Chapter: 10 “Admit Defeat or Rot in Hell”
Author: KittyQuat
Series: Original
Themes: Yaoi, Science Fiction, Apocalyptic Setting, Adult Situations, Swearing, Violence
Rating: (This chapter) R, (Overall) R

After such an unsettling encounter all I wanted to do was get the Hell out of here. Before that, however, I wanted to take a shower since I didn’t know when I would get another chance to do so. I wanted to get that troublesome smell off me anyway. Having freshened up, I straighten out the part in my hair as I open the door to the recovery room. Nemo’s drowsy eyes follow me as I reenter. I barely look at him as I go to the counter where my coat is sitting all wrinkled and wadded up.

“Is everything alright?” he asks softly.

I take a deep breath as I pick up my coat. I wish I knew what to say to him. I exhale and shake my head.

“What’s wrong?” he inquires as he tries to lift his upper body off the bed.

“Hey, relax.” I tell him reflexively as I approach him. I don’t think he would be so stupid as to try standing but the way he is trying to sit up unnerves me. I place my hands on his shoulders to block him. “Just lay back down okay.” He does so, reluctantly, but his eyes continue seeking an explanation from me.

“I’ve been asked to leave the hospital because I caused trouble for the staff yesterday. I have to get out of here tonight.”

He sighs, or groans rather. “So you’re in trouble for ‘going off’ with that nurse?”

I stop in the middle of putting my arm through the sleeve of my coat and shoot him a stunned look. How did he know what happened when we left the room yesterday?

“The doctor didn’t seem upset when he saw you earlier today so I thought you had gotten away with it.”

“What? You knew?!”

“I wasn’t going to say anything. After you left I realized why you were so uncomfortable, and when you came back, you were back to normal, so...”

I can’t help but chuckle. “Jeez… Does everyone know about my problem?”

“It’s common in hybrids and the symptoms are easy to recognize.”

“And how do you know that Lynus didn’t just take me someplace private so I could deal with it myself.”

“I considered that last night. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but if that were the case, you wouldn’t be in trouble?”

I blush, putting on my coat. “…Touché.”

“Where will you go?”

I shrug. “I don’t know” I reply honestly.

“Don’t go killing your self” he warns.

Fucker, it’s none of your Goddamn business what I do. That’s what I want to say to him, but I can’t blow up at him like that; not after all the trouble he’s gone to for my sake. However, my eyes narrow automatically, and it doesn’t escape his attention. His eyes begin to plead as he reaches out and takes hold of my wrist.

“Please?”

I let my expression soften with a small sigh. I remove my coat and set it down on the chair before unlocking and releasing the guard rail on Nemo’s bed. With the edge of the bed now clear, I sit down on the sheets next to him. “Look…” I start softly, “That night I walked out into traffic, I was miserable. I had just been thrown out and replaced by the only person I trusted and loved. The life I had with him was all I knew. I felt like ‘what the fuck am I gonna do now?’ I felt like I had outlived my usefulness and the only thing left to do was die. I had nowhere to go, nobody to turn to. I mean, I guess there was you, but I had no idea you existed until I came to in a gutter on the side of the road with your heavy ass lying unconscious on top of me… Thanks again, by the way.”

He rests his hand on my shoulder and shifts slightly toward me. “I understand that this is probably the most difficult time of your life but you don’t have to think of it as the time when your life became meaningless. Think of this as the time when you gained the opportunity and the freedom to make your life meaningful. Don’t think about how your master cruelly abandoned you; think about how you no longer have to live beneath a heartless oppressor.”

“Nemo, don’t you get it?” I hiss. “My life didn’t become meaningless, my life never had meaning. What I thought was meaning and purpose turned out to be a lie. I was blissfully unaware that I was anything but the beloved pet to an adoring master until I was forced to wake up. And its not like I escape my oppressor or anything, in fact I remained in denial even after he ditched me and tried crawling back to him. It wasn’t until it was indisputably clear that there was no way back to him that I realized I had been played for a fool my whole life.”

“…My, how melodramatic.” He removes his hand from my shoulder.

“I’m sorry. Perhaps it would be more convenient for you if I were happy about being mutilated and abandoned” I sneer.

“What would have been convenient for me is if you had waited at the mall for a few more minutes. I was running a little late because of an accident on the freeway but I was on my way to get you. Dio was supposed to meet me but he called at the last minute to say that he was leaving you there because he had to get home. Hell, the only reason I was able to find you was because I decided to get off the freeway and go through town. I saw you standing across the street so I parked my car and…”

My ear swivels as he yammers on about details I was not privy to before. “Whoa! What?” I almost shout as I turn and give him my full attention. “Are you saying that you and Dio had this all planned out? You were in on this?” You son of a bitch!” I growl as I slam his shoulder with side of my fist. It’s about the only place he isn’t already injured so I don’t feel bad about it. “Spill it! And don’t leave out any details this time.”

He exhales through his nose, his lips seem glued shut, and his jaw muscles tense as he clenches his teeth. “He was supposed to tell you what was going on before we met up” he whispers as he rubs his shoulder. “I spoke with him while you were in the hospital recovering. The doctors were discussing different options like plastic surgery but he waved all their suggestions.” He pauses and looks at me, then he looks away, his eyes darting from place to place as though he doesn’t where to go from there.

“Continue already,” I groan.

“He, um… Well basically, he didn’t want to bother pursuing any effort to repair the damage caused by the acid, since it wouldn’t be perfect, so he told the doctors… He told them to just give you a high dose of Pentobarbital.”

I quirk an eyebrow at him. “I’m hate to sound dumb but I’m not too keen on these medical terms, so can you help me out here?”

“He wanted you put down. Is that dumbing it down enough for you?”

My heart stops for a second. What? He wanted me what? Oh my God… The blood drains from my face as a cold sweat begins to creep out of my temples. A strange sound escapes me, a sound half way between a gasp and a whimper.

The bed shifts as he tries to lift himself slightly. I’m too dazed to stop him this time. I feel the palm of his hand on my back as he leans his head over to get a better view of my face. “Hey, I’m sorry” he whispers. “That was rude of me… Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up anyway.”

I shake my head. “No. Please tell m-me” I say with a hitch. “I n-need to know.”

“…Well, after that, I tried convincing Dio to reconsider. Of course he wasn’t having any of it, so I tried striking up a deal with him instead. I convinced him to take you home and continue to care for you at least until you had recovered from your injuries. Then, if he didn’t change his mind, I would assume responsibility for you, and he could get a new companion hybrid… It wasn’t the best idea to make a deal regarding the shift in your living arrangements without your consent, but it seemed like the only way to save your life at the time. I didn’t want you to know about it then because I was still hoping that Dio would come around, eventually, and that life would return to normal for both of you.” He winces slightly as he tries to slowly lower himself back onto the bed.

I take my sleeve and try to soak up the beginnings of tears from the corner of my right eye.

“I’m sorry this has put so much strain on you, and I’m sorry that I am partially responsible for the pain you feel now. I understand if you hate me. If you attempt suicide again, obviously I can’t stop you from here, in this bed, but please at least consider coming to live with me.”

I collect myself before I stand up again. “I don’t hate you” I tell him as I reset the guard rail on his bed, “I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me and I swear I will make it up to you somehow. I promise to stick around until I’ve repaid my debt to you, so you don’t need to worry about me trying to kill myself after I leave here tonight.” His shoulders drop in evident relief. I suddenly feel a little guilty for alleviating his anxiety because what I’m about to say will make him feel like all his hard work has been for nothing. “However…”

He looks at me expectantly. “However what?”

I lower my head as I begin to regret my resolve. “I’m not coming to live with you. I’m done with humans… Sorry”

I barely finish what I’m saying before there is a soft knock on the wall outside the room. When I look to see who it is, I’m a little surprised to see Lynus standing awkwardly in the doorway next to that bunny eared nurse Devique. Lynus tries to smile for Nemo but even that seems awkward and forced.

“Good evening Nemo. H-how are you feeling?” asks Lynus.

Nemo pauses. I look at him almost anxious for his response.

He looks down at his sheets. “Fine… All things considered” he manages in a slightly dispirited tone.

“I noticed the two of you were having a conversation before I arrived, and I apologize for interrupting but, may I borrow Mickī for a moment? In the meantime, Devique will tend to your needs.”

I sigh as I approach the other male hybrid, passing by Devique who still seems very uncomfortable. “I’ll be back in a minute Nemo” I say before leaving the room again. The awkwardness doesn’t disappear after I cross the threshold; it’s waiting here in the hallway with Lynus. I see it in the way he soothes his palm over the back of his other hand nervously, anxiously.

He stares in the opposite direction as he begins to speak. “Would you mind coming with me? I just need to talk to you privately for a moment. Is that okay?”

“Of course.” I approach his side and pause, waiting for him to lead the way to whatever private location he has in mind.

He finally looks at me, his eyes more or less darting up from the floor. As quickly as his irises flash into view, they disappear, returning to the dull view of the teal and white linoleum lining the hall. “There should be a vacant seminar room near the director’s office” he says at last.

Without any further delay, he starts walking. I follow as he leads us down a wing of the building formerly unknown to me. At the end of the hall is a door with a plaque that reads “Director,” and on either side, extending the length of the hall, are rooms with large windows that allow us to see inside. Some of these rooms are occupied by men in suits discussing the finer points of God knows what. We pass by several vacant rooms before Lynus settles on one closer to the director’s office. My guess is that since the room across the way is also vacant, there will be less of a chance that anyone will be able observe us here. He holds the door open for me in a polite yet withdrawn manner. I take a seat near the end of the table and wait for the oddly timid hybrid to join me.

When he finally sits down he stares across the table, avoiding eye contact with me. It is a minute or so before he actually speaks and I can only sit, uncomfortably, staring at the wood laminate on the table top in front of us. When he finally says something, I can hardly hear him. “I’m really sorry” he whispers. “Coercing you into sex was wrong in and of its self but my thoughtlessness has also damaged my relationship with Thalo and put you in a very unpleasant situation.”

I sigh. “Don’t worry about me; I had to be on my way sooner or later. Besides, I may not have been quite right yesterday but I knew what we were doing was wrong, and I could have refused, I just didn’t want to. It was a stupid thing we did but at no point did I feel coerced or taken advantage of. Please understand that. Don’t feel like you did anything wrong by me, okay.”

He bites his lower lip. “It was still a very unprofessional thing to do; dragging a patient into a lovers’ quarrel, besides I could lose my job over this… I didn’t even consider that.”

“…Me either… Sorry” I mumble regretfully.

He blows a puff of air out his nose as he smiles ironically. “It’s fine. It’s not your responsibility to worry about my career or my relationship, it’s mine.” He drums his fingers nervously as he stares forward out the window at the hospital courtyard and parking lot. “I really feel for your situation; I understand how hard it is, that’s why I’ve been trying to connect with you and be sort of like your mentor. I took things too far though. I confused the hell out of everything. I tried to convince you that humans aren’t all bad and that time heals all wounds, but, as you can see, I have a hard time believing these things myself. So I guess that just makes me a hypocrite, doesn’t it?”

I can see why he’s apologizing now; he feels like he’s failed as a role model. He’s been trying this whole time to lift my spirits even though he doesn’t completely trust in these positive notions.

“You’re not a hypocrite. The cautious part of you has a hard time trusting humans but the logical part of you still believes what you told me about the good ones. And as for the wounds, I think the only way they’ll heal is if you let them.”

His eyes jolt in my direction, as though it’s the most profound thing he’s ever heard.

I stand up and push the chair toward the table neatly and pause, my hands resting on the tall back of it. “The problem with humans is you can’t always tell which ones are the good ones and which ones will use you until there’s nothing left, and then throw you away. That’s why I don’t want to trust them anymore. I’ll let my wounds heal by avoiding their cause.”

Lynus’ expression melts into a disappointed frown. “I guess you can’t just blindly accept everything I say. I hope you understand my point though; that it’s not the end of the world? You can still live a meaningful life.”

I smile down at him. “Yes I understand that and I’m trying to look on the bright side. I am.” I let go of his shoulder and stuff my hands in my pockets. He takes this as a sign that I have nothing more to say. “Do you have to get going?” he inquires.

“Yeah” I mumble.

He stands up, approaching me hesitantly. “Would it be too much to ask for a hug?” he asks timidly, his ears tucked.

Thank God I took a shower. Wouldn’t want to send him home smelling like Eau de Slut again. “Of course not” I smile and open my arms to him. His mouth quivers in one corner as he gives me a timid half smile and wraps his arms around my frame. I feel him rest hid chin on my shoulder as I embrace him back. “Please take care of yourself, what ever you do” he whispers and then releases me slowly. I nod as I reach for the door handle. I pull the door open and look at him before exiting. “I um, I hope you can smooth things over with your master” I say tentatively. His brow furrows and he nods his head as his eyes drift to the floor again. The air has become uncomfortable again as I walk through the door into the hall. I look back through the observation window and see Lynus taking a seat back down on one of the chairs. He slouches as he stares forward, out the front window into the courtyard once again. I feel bad for leaving him that way but unfortunately, this is just the way our final meeting had to end.

The longer I linger, the worse I feel. I start walking back to the recovery room to get my coat. As I walk I begin to feel bad for another reason; I can no longer sit next to Nemo and keep tabs on his progress. I will be all alone. Though I find him to be a little complicated to converse with, I still appreciated the sense of comfort provided by his presence. I hesitate just outside the door to his room, afraid to go back in and say goodbye. Afraid to be without that comfort. Taking a deep breath I enter with one giant step but as I’m met with the sight of Nemo sleeping peacefully I relax and exhale. Part of me wants to wake him and say goodbye but part of me doesn’t want to disturb his sleep. Another part of me doesn’t care about manners and wouldn’t wake him regardless. After all, waking him will only drag this out even further and I’ll end up staying here ‘till the doc kicks my ass out.

I proceed to the chair and grab my coat. Next to it, still on the counter, is the picture that Markily gave to me. I smile at it affectionately. I really don’t want to fold it but, unfortunately, I can’t get around folding it at least once so that most of it will fit into my inside coat pocket. I suddenly remember some things as I tuck the picture away and zip up the front of my coat. Quietly I open the drawers beneath the counter one at a time until I find some loose pens and pencils and a new package of post-its. I tear the plastic off the top and peel off the first two notes. I spot Nemo’s things on the table at the other side of his bed. I pick up his cell phone and silence it before opening the owner profile and jotting down his number on the first note. I put the paper in my pants pocket before resetting the volume and placing the phone back on the table. I will need to contact him in the future if I’m ever to repay him. I write a quick note on the other post-it, then put the pen back in the drawer and push it closed. Looking around briefly, I spy the waste basket next to the door. I stick the square of paper to the side and place it in the cabinet under the sink. After closing the cabinet door I quietly exit the room and leave Nemo dozing peacefully.

As I step outside an unpleasantly cold breeze blows past me. My thin coat is no barrier against the chill. Wrapping my arms around my waist tightly I begin to walk into the parking lot with the hope that muscle movement will be followed by a little warm relief. I walk aimlessly down the sidewalk for a couple blocks not really paying much attention to those around me, the towering buildings, or the deafening sounds of the city. I approach a café as the clerk is locking up and flipping the OPEN sign to CLOSED. I take a seat outside at a table on the café patio and slouch, burying my icy hands in the pockets of my coat. There is something in there. It wasn’t there before. Intrigued and confused I pull the object out of my right pocket. It’s a piece of paper, folded several times and it feels like something is wrapped up inside. When I open it, I’m shocked to find a cash card, a key card, and a letter written on the inside. I find myself holding my breath as I read it.

Dear Micki,

I meant to give you these when I met you and Dio at the mall. That cash card has $1000 on it, which I know isn’t much, but It will be helpful in a pinch. The key card unlocks the front door to my house. It’s just a spare, but please don’t lose it; it’s the only copy. I know that you find it hard to trust me, so I understand if you don’t ever use the key card, but I hope you’ll at least think about my offer. My home address is 1644 Tawny Way. That’s just outside the city. You can be there in five minutes if you have a cab driver take you there (they accept cash card payments). I hope you notice these things before you get too far. Again, please just think about it. I just want you to be somewhere safe.

~Nemo

I set the letter and cards on the table in front of me, let my head fall back and allow it hang there, uncomfortably, for a few seconds while I slowly release the breath I’d been holding. In this position, I stare into the cloud spattered, dimly lit sky. A handful of stars are visible, flickering and gleaming so brilliantly from above.

“Nemo…” I groan. “Why are you Hell bent on making everything so difficult?” I sit at the café table for several more minutes, just thinking. Thinking about my next course of action. I could find his home and become a pet once again. I cringe at the thought. “No!” I growl as I slap the arms of the patio chair in frustration. Then what? Live at his place alone ‘til he returns and then skedaddle? End up alone on the street again, and then what? Do I live in a shelter, become a prostitute, or just beg for change? It’s becoming painfully obvious that without him, and his kindness, I won’t make it in this world. I can’t own or rent a home, I can’t have any possessions without a paid job, and I need a human to take charge over me and sign a work permit to even legally have a job. If I’m going to refuse his offer, I may as well just kill myself because I will never have a quality existence otherwise… I can’t do that though. I told him I wouldn’t. I’m trapped; I can’t live freely but I can’t die yet either. I close my eyes tight, about to burst into frustrated tears. Fuck it.

I fold the letter back up and put it and the cards in my coat pocket again. The chilling breeze attacks again as I stand up and leave the patio. A ways down the street is a public transit stop. I shake my head, feeling defeated by reason, and approach the transit stop. At the booth next to a bench is a man in a blue uniform.

“Good evening, do you need a cab?” I nod my head. “Can you pay?”

The proper hybrid response would be either “yes” or “no”. I really want say something to the extent of “can you suck it good sir?” but if I do he will most likely respond with something like “can you go fuck yourself?” and refuse to call me a cab. I decide to keep my mouth shut and just show him the cash card instead. He examines it before turning it over and scanning the code on the back. After checking the account information on his computer monitor he looks back at me and smiles. He hands the card back to me saying “Thank you for being patient. I’ll have a cab here to pick you up shortly.”

I force my self to thank him before taking a seat on the bench to wait. As I sit I mentally question my actions. I can’t believe I’m doing this. The cab approaches, and I begin to feel like a failure. But that’s just the story of my life I guess.

fiction, yaoi, shounen ai, mutilation, pet, cloning, apocalyptic, cat boys, boy love, suicidal tendencies, kemonomimi, hybrids, humanoid, discrimination, adult, swearing, human, shonen ai, bl

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