update...ish
I'm...well,I don't know. Part of me is proud of myself. I've gotten a lot done in the past three weeks,on my own. Yes,I did have help - I had a lot of heavy stuff,and couldn't get it on my own,but I did make the time and effort to get all of this stuff done. And so now crunch time is here,and I'm very nearly ready to go.
The other part of me wants to scream. It seems like for every thing that I get done to help me get on my way,something else comes up to hinder my path. My latest thing? The tags on Everett's truck. They should have been here AGES ago. I can't leave until I get them,because,right now,the tags are expired. I said I would be out of here on the 20th,and I have every intention of it. But now it looks like I might be here about later than I intended to,only I'll be staying with my sister,something I don't want to do simply because I don't want to burden her.
I just want to be gone already. I've been in San Diego for ten years now. I love this town and all,but lately,I've just...I don't know,wanted to get away from everything. And now that I have the chance,it seems that everything's coming up to make me have to stay. Can't I ever just be happy? I mean,seriously? I understand that life is hard,and unfair,and that every obstacle is something meant to strengthen you,but,honestly? The drive I have ahead of me is enough of an obstacle. I've had nothing but obstacles the last few months. Can't life cut me a break?
I'm so tired lately. I mean...I don't sleep well when Everett's not here anyway,but it's been worse than it was last time. I don't know if it's just because I'm so worried,or what,but it seems like I sleep,but it doesn't help at all. And when I am sleeping,I can't stay that way. I wake up several times during the night,for random reasons. My eyes are constantly heavy and burning. I can barely see straight half the time. And even when I'm getting my stuff out,or helping Katie,all I want to do is lay down and sleep...and then,when the time comes that I finally can lay down and close my eyes...I can't drift into sleep. I have to work myself into it,force sleep on me...and I don't think that helps the rest issue.
I'm hoping that it's just stress. That once I get settled at my aunt's,things will die down and I'll be able to sleep at least somewhat normal. And think normal. And just be normal. Be happy. Be myself.
Here's hoping.
The other part of me wants to scream. It seems like for every thing that I get done to help me get on my way,something else comes up to hinder my path. My latest thing? The tags on Everett's truck. They should have been here AGES ago. I can't leave until I get them,because,right now,the tags are expired. I said I would be out of here on the 20th,and I have every intention of it. But now it looks like I might be here about later than I intended to,only I'll be staying with my sister,something I don't want to do simply because I don't want to burden her.
I just want to be gone already. I've been in San Diego for ten years now. I love this town and all,but lately,I've just...I don't know,wanted to get away from everything. And now that I have the chance,it seems that everything's coming up to make me have to stay. Can't I ever just be happy? I mean,seriously? I understand that life is hard,and unfair,and that every obstacle is something meant to strengthen you,but,honestly? The drive I have ahead of me is enough of an obstacle. I've had nothing but obstacles the last few months. Can't life cut me a break?
I'm so tired lately. I mean...I don't sleep well when Everett's not here anyway,but it's been worse than it was last time. I don't know if it's just because I'm so worried,or what,but it seems like I sleep,but it doesn't help at all. And when I am sleeping,I can't stay that way. I wake up several times during the night,for random reasons. My eyes are constantly heavy and burning. I can barely see straight half the time. And even when I'm getting my stuff out,or helping Katie,all I want to do is lay down and sleep...and then,when the time comes that I finally can lay down and close my eyes...I can't drift into sleep. I have to work myself into it,force sleep on me...and I don't think that helps the rest issue.
I'm hoping that it's just stress. That once I get settled at my aunt's,things will die down and I'll be able to sleep at least somewhat normal. And think normal. And just be normal. Be happy. Be myself.
Here's hoping.