The Unbearable Lightness Of Being Me
I don't say this to freak you out (that is a side benefit), but I can see things you can't. All cats can.
The Fat Man will be talking at me because I was scratching up his sofa again and suddenly I'll leap down, walk across the living room, sit in front of the closet and just stare. Sometimes, I'll chatter a little bit or howl.
I don't do this to get out of being scolded. I don't really care if I'm getting scolded or not. Oh no! I'm a bad kitty! Poor me! Give me a treat!
No, I do this because the invaders are here again.
They look like threads and strings. They sneak into your house disguised as socks. You buy them at the store thinking they're ordinary socks, but only one of those socks is normal. The other is a disguised invader. You'll wake up one day and one sock will be gone. That was the one.
Its hard to tell the difference between a real invader and a piece of string. The only way we can know for sure is if you can see it. If you can see it, its string.
Anyhow, what the invaders do is pretty simple. While you're asleep, they slide down your noses into your brain and eat vital pieces of information. Information like your social security number, or names of people you've known all your life, or your kid's birthday. Sometimes, they'll replace the name of your current lover with your previous lover. They're cold like that.
Once they're in your head, they're almost impossible to get out. They'll keep eating facts until you forget to feed us. That's why we have to get them first.
I'm an especially good invader hunter, so the Fat Man is only stupid by birth, which is a relief.
To catch one, you have to grab it with one paw, stick it in your mouth, kick it with your back legs, and then careen around the house madly until its dead. Sometimes, it takes multiple passes back and forth through every room and writing surface to really execute an invader.
So the next time a sock of your goes AWOL and your cat starts freaking out for no reason, be grateful. They're saving your memories.
This is for therealljidol
The Fat Man will be talking at me because I was scratching up his sofa again and suddenly I'll leap down, walk across the living room, sit in front of the closet and just stare. Sometimes, I'll chatter a little bit or howl.
I don't do this to get out of being scolded. I don't really care if I'm getting scolded or not. Oh no! I'm a bad kitty! Poor me! Give me a treat!
No, I do this because the invaders are here again.
They look like threads and strings. They sneak into your house disguised as socks. You buy them at the store thinking they're ordinary socks, but only one of those socks is normal. The other is a disguised invader. You'll wake up one day and one sock will be gone. That was the one.
Its hard to tell the difference between a real invader and a piece of string. The only way we can know for sure is if you can see it. If you can see it, its string.
Anyhow, what the invaders do is pretty simple. While you're asleep, they slide down your noses into your brain and eat vital pieces of information. Information like your social security number, or names of people you've known all your life, or your kid's birthday. Sometimes, they'll replace the name of your current lover with your previous lover. They're cold like that.
Once they're in your head, they're almost impossible to get out. They'll keep eating facts until you forget to feed us. That's why we have to get them first.
I'm an especially good invader hunter, so the Fat Man is only stupid by birth, which is a relief.
To catch one, you have to grab it with one paw, stick it in your mouth, kick it with your back legs, and then careen around the house madly until its dead. Sometimes, it takes multiple passes back and forth through every room and writing surface to really execute an invader.
So the next time a sock of your goes AWOL and your cat starts freaking out for no reason, be grateful. They're saving your memories.
This is for therealljidol