Unheard Conversations
Title: Unheard Conversations
Fandom: DC
Pairings: Bruce/Clark; various
Characters: Various
Word Count: Varies (none of them are long)
Rating: PG (for the most part)
Warnings: None
Synopsis:
Conversations are strange at best when you don't know how they start, what people are talking about, and just how misconstrued some conversations are when overheard by others.
Please don't take offense to what's being discussed. I love Dr. Seuss as much as the next person, but this conversation actually did pop up between me and my sister, and it was funny as hell. ^-^
Conversation one: In which the Cat in the Hat is a Pedophile.
Bruce could plainly and undoubtedly blame himself for the topic of the conversation he was now knee-deep in. Usually he could throw caution to the winds and blame Wally and his innate ways of bringing up the weird and unaccountably peculiar things that they tended to talk about and dwell on for the sparse of ten minutes or more, depending on the absurdity of it all. Usually talks like that were animated on Wally’s part, and silent on his own, content to keep his mouth shut and his roving thoughts of amusement to himself. But today…today seemed to have different ideas.
It had started in the middle of a book-store. Bruce usually didn’t wander into such places for the sake of his public obtuseness. People with money simply weren’t “smart” in the way of the world, blowing their billions upon whatever they choose, charities only getting money to help their image in the do-gooder way. It never occurred to the masses that maybe there was someone sharp and witty under the blatantly wide smile that was neither happy nor amused when bluebloods were laughing at some lame joke that passed his lips. Maybe there was something more to the playboy that had a different girl in each arm every night, according to the latest article in the Gotham Tattle-Tale. No, he was the heir to the late man who could have changed the world, inherited a vast fortune and spent it on whatever.
Which wasn’t exactly not true. He did spend the money on whatever…whatever it took to enhance the gadgets and security measures of several exclusive buildings, including his own office, but they didn’t need to know that. It also was the main reason why he’d come to the book store. He’d wanted to purchase a copy of a book he’d heard about through the mech-heads of his R&D team. He didn’t feel the need to order it online and wait for an eternity to get it-two days by regular mail. No. It was on his way home, he didn’t have much else to do, and what harm was it to just stop into a book store and pick something up? Surely someone would blow it out of proportion later, but he didn’t care. He just wanted the book.
So imagine his utter surprise to walk into the bookstore only to be bombarded by the stares of a dozen or more kids swinging around to see who’d walked in. The rest were enraptured by the odd looking character sitting in front of them, looking up briefly and waving at the billionaire standing dumbstruck in the doorway. Bruce regained a little bit of his dignity and smiled back weakly, swiftly turning to the right and headed for the section where he knew that book would be.
There was just something very wrong about a big black and white gangly looking cat-thing in hat about two feet in height, sitting there in the midst of a crowd of children reading from a book that was indeed about that cat. Bruce would have left it at that, had he not heard that thing start to read again…
Which took him to several hours later; sitting in the middle of his living room shaking his head at his adopted son, Tim, Wally, and Clark staring at him like he’d lost his mind. He crossed his arms and shivered thinking about why they were looking at him like that, but he had brought it upon himself saying what he’d said. He wasn’t taking it back.
“…you seriously believe that?” Wally asked, amusement more than evident in his voice.
Bruce nodded curtly, a small smile twitching the corners of his mouth. “Yes.”
It was then that Wally laughed, holding his sides and trying his best not to fall off the couch. “This is SO not my fault!” he crowed between gales of laughter. “I didn’t plant that insane idea!”
“But it does have some merit,” Tim said trying desperately not to send soda flying through his nose. He put down his can, on a coaster or course, and leaned back against Bruce’s knee on the floor. “I mean…look at the contents of it. From a distance, it just doesn’t sound right.”
“Nothing sounds right from a distance,” Wally chuckled. “Anything and everything can be twisted like that with the wrong mind frame.”
“My mind is sound, thanks,” Bruce quipped. “However, it really didn’t sound right at all.”
“How could it sound right to someone whose nightly activities keep him warped at best?”
Bruce nodded to that one, grudgingly giving Wally a point on that. “True…but my warped mind tends to keep your ass out of trouble.”
“Out of trouble on the field, yes.”
Bruce wasn’t falling for it. If he did they’d be talking about something else he didn’t think to discuss in front of the boy, who was going on sixteen. Tim knocked him in his knee, overhearing the muttered “not in front of the boy,” passing his pressed lips.
Clark, still staring at them, sank disbelievingly into the couch. “You people have officially ruined Dr. Seuss,” he muttered. “What in the hell…makes you think that the Cat in the Hat was a pedophile?!”
Wally scooted forward, eyes lit with a passion for how this conversation was going to go. Up in flames. “Dude, you have to first think about this,” he said ticking off points with his fingers. “One: there are two kids in the house, alone, and there is no sign of their mother. Two: the flipping cat comes busting into the house without a damn care in the world, telling them that their mother would not mind if he showed them some tricks. The freaking little boy didn’t know what to do or say! Who does that? Pedophile!”
“Then there was the fact that the talking fish was screaming that the cat didn’t need to be there when their mother wasn’t there,” Tim said. “Stranger in the house offering to play with them…with no authority figure…I’d say he was a pedophile.”
“But his tricks are not BAD,” Clark started to say.
“No, but severely questionable,” Bruce said, as if that explained everything. “If you didn’t have pictures in that book, I’d swear my mind would suffocate thinking about the possibilities.”
“He does silly tricks-“
“Effectively bringing the guard down of those little kids!” Wally said. “Say it with me-Pedophile!”
“And then he jacks up the house on top of it!” Tim exclaimed. “He could be trying to rob the place. The fish tries to get him to leave…and what does the cat say?”
“He’s not going ANYHWHERE,” Bruce grunted, his chest rumbling at the look of utter shock on Clark’s face. “Let’s not forget the damned box he brought in…and Thing one and Thing two. What did he call the game?”
“Fun-in-the-box,” Tim laughed. “Those things ran everywhere getting into everything…and those things could have been anything…”
Clark groaned and held his fingers to his temple. “Tell me we are not having this conversation!”
“Oh, we are!” Wally giggled.
Wally’s phone chirped, interrupting whatever points Bruce was prepared to make. He flipped it open without checking to see who it was, smiling at them when he greeted none other than his beau, John. “John, I need to ask you a question,” he said. “I’m going to put you on speaker phone, okay?”
Wally heard the man’s quiet laughter, flipping the phone to speaker as he made himself a little more comfortable. “What on earth did you need to ask me on the phone in public?” John asked. “Where are you?”
“At Bruce’s house,” Wally said. “We…were having a discussion. I want your opinion.”
“…okay…”
“…do you think the Cat in the Hat is a pedophile?”
Wally thought Clark’s eyes were going to fall out of his head when he heard John laugh. “What gave you a clue?” Clark blinked and mouthed that they were all insane, sending everyone in the room into a fit of laughter. Even Bruce couldn’t quite help himself. His shoulders shook and the deep laugh no one heard on a daily basis pushed itself past his lips. Clark thought he would have kittens.
Bruce reached for the book that he’d managed to buy earlier that day, albeit from another book store. He flipped to the second chapter and tried not to laugh at Clark’s face when they switched the discussion from the Cat in the Hat to Hop on Pop.
Yes, he was definitely to blame for the insane conversation that led onto a very amusing evening at home.
This is an ongoing drabble series meant to be funny, serious, or whatever I happen to be feeling at the moment. You have a topic, drop it off. I'll make a conversation about anything.
Fandom: DC
Pairings: Bruce/Clark; various
Characters: Various
Word Count: Varies (none of them are long)
Rating: PG (for the most part)
Warnings: None
Synopsis:
Conversations are strange at best when you don't know how they start, what people are talking about, and just how misconstrued some conversations are when overheard by others.
Please don't take offense to what's being discussed. I love Dr. Seuss as much as the next person, but this conversation actually did pop up between me and my sister, and it was funny as hell. ^-^
Conversation one: In which the Cat in the Hat is a Pedophile.
Bruce could plainly and undoubtedly blame himself for the topic of the conversation he was now knee-deep in. Usually he could throw caution to the winds and blame Wally and his innate ways of bringing up the weird and unaccountably peculiar things that they tended to talk about and dwell on for the sparse of ten minutes or more, depending on the absurdity of it all. Usually talks like that were animated on Wally’s part, and silent on his own, content to keep his mouth shut and his roving thoughts of amusement to himself. But today…today seemed to have different ideas.
It had started in the middle of a book-store. Bruce usually didn’t wander into such places for the sake of his public obtuseness. People with money simply weren’t “smart” in the way of the world, blowing their billions upon whatever they choose, charities only getting money to help their image in the do-gooder way. It never occurred to the masses that maybe there was someone sharp and witty under the blatantly wide smile that was neither happy nor amused when bluebloods were laughing at some lame joke that passed his lips. Maybe there was something more to the playboy that had a different girl in each arm every night, according to the latest article in the Gotham Tattle-Tale. No, he was the heir to the late man who could have changed the world, inherited a vast fortune and spent it on whatever.
Which wasn’t exactly not true. He did spend the money on whatever…whatever it took to enhance the gadgets and security measures of several exclusive buildings, including his own office, but they didn’t need to know that. It also was the main reason why he’d come to the book store. He’d wanted to purchase a copy of a book he’d heard about through the mech-heads of his R&D team. He didn’t feel the need to order it online and wait for an eternity to get it-two days by regular mail. No. It was on his way home, he didn’t have much else to do, and what harm was it to just stop into a book store and pick something up? Surely someone would blow it out of proportion later, but he didn’t care. He just wanted the book.
So imagine his utter surprise to walk into the bookstore only to be bombarded by the stares of a dozen or more kids swinging around to see who’d walked in. The rest were enraptured by the odd looking character sitting in front of them, looking up briefly and waving at the billionaire standing dumbstruck in the doorway. Bruce regained a little bit of his dignity and smiled back weakly, swiftly turning to the right and headed for the section where he knew that book would be.
There was just something very wrong about a big black and white gangly looking cat-thing in hat about two feet in height, sitting there in the midst of a crowd of children reading from a book that was indeed about that cat. Bruce would have left it at that, had he not heard that thing start to read again…
Which took him to several hours later; sitting in the middle of his living room shaking his head at his adopted son, Tim, Wally, and Clark staring at him like he’d lost his mind. He crossed his arms and shivered thinking about why they were looking at him like that, but he had brought it upon himself saying what he’d said. He wasn’t taking it back.
“…you seriously believe that?” Wally asked, amusement more than evident in his voice.
Bruce nodded curtly, a small smile twitching the corners of his mouth. “Yes.”
It was then that Wally laughed, holding his sides and trying his best not to fall off the couch. “This is SO not my fault!” he crowed between gales of laughter. “I didn’t plant that insane idea!”
“But it does have some merit,” Tim said trying desperately not to send soda flying through his nose. He put down his can, on a coaster or course, and leaned back against Bruce’s knee on the floor. “I mean…look at the contents of it. From a distance, it just doesn’t sound right.”
“Nothing sounds right from a distance,” Wally chuckled. “Anything and everything can be twisted like that with the wrong mind frame.”
“My mind is sound, thanks,” Bruce quipped. “However, it really didn’t sound right at all.”
“How could it sound right to someone whose nightly activities keep him warped at best?”
Bruce nodded to that one, grudgingly giving Wally a point on that. “True…but my warped mind tends to keep your ass out of trouble.”
“Out of trouble on the field, yes.”
Bruce wasn’t falling for it. If he did they’d be talking about something else he didn’t think to discuss in front of the boy, who was going on sixteen. Tim knocked him in his knee, overhearing the muttered “not in front of the boy,” passing his pressed lips.
Clark, still staring at them, sank disbelievingly into the couch. “You people have officially ruined Dr. Seuss,” he muttered. “What in the hell…makes you think that the Cat in the Hat was a pedophile?!”
Wally scooted forward, eyes lit with a passion for how this conversation was going to go. Up in flames. “Dude, you have to first think about this,” he said ticking off points with his fingers. “One: there are two kids in the house, alone, and there is no sign of their mother. Two: the flipping cat comes busting into the house without a damn care in the world, telling them that their mother would not mind if he showed them some tricks. The freaking little boy didn’t know what to do or say! Who does that? Pedophile!”
“Then there was the fact that the talking fish was screaming that the cat didn’t need to be there when their mother wasn’t there,” Tim said. “Stranger in the house offering to play with them…with no authority figure…I’d say he was a pedophile.”
“But his tricks are not BAD,” Clark started to say.
“No, but severely questionable,” Bruce said, as if that explained everything. “If you didn’t have pictures in that book, I’d swear my mind would suffocate thinking about the possibilities.”
“He does silly tricks-“
“Effectively bringing the guard down of those little kids!” Wally said. “Say it with me-Pedophile!”
“And then he jacks up the house on top of it!” Tim exclaimed. “He could be trying to rob the place. The fish tries to get him to leave…and what does the cat say?”
“He’s not going ANYHWHERE,” Bruce grunted, his chest rumbling at the look of utter shock on Clark’s face. “Let’s not forget the damned box he brought in…and Thing one and Thing two. What did he call the game?”
“Fun-in-the-box,” Tim laughed. “Those things ran everywhere getting into everything…and those things could have been anything…”
Clark groaned and held his fingers to his temple. “Tell me we are not having this conversation!”
“Oh, we are!” Wally giggled.
Wally’s phone chirped, interrupting whatever points Bruce was prepared to make. He flipped it open without checking to see who it was, smiling at them when he greeted none other than his beau, John. “John, I need to ask you a question,” he said. “I’m going to put you on speaker phone, okay?”
Wally heard the man’s quiet laughter, flipping the phone to speaker as he made himself a little more comfortable. “What on earth did you need to ask me on the phone in public?” John asked. “Where are you?”
“At Bruce’s house,” Wally said. “We…were having a discussion. I want your opinion.”
“…okay…”
“…do you think the Cat in the Hat is a pedophile?”
Wally thought Clark’s eyes were going to fall out of his head when he heard John laugh. “What gave you a clue?” Clark blinked and mouthed that they were all insane, sending everyone in the room into a fit of laughter. Even Bruce couldn’t quite help himself. His shoulders shook and the deep laugh no one heard on a daily basis pushed itself past his lips. Clark thought he would have kittens.
Bruce reached for the book that he’d managed to buy earlier that day, albeit from another book store. He flipped to the second chapter and tried not to laugh at Clark’s face when they switched the discussion from the Cat in the Hat to Hop on Pop.
Yes, he was definitely to blame for the insane conversation that led onto a very amusing evening at home.
This is an ongoing drabble series meant to be funny, serious, or whatever I happen to be feeling at the moment. You have a topic, drop it off. I'll make a conversation about anything.