The lingering ptsd from a toxic relationship
The other day when Sasha spoke to her dad on the scheduled call time and said she was biking, a pit dropped in my stomach.
Frina got Sasha that balance bike. It was in my car when I left Boris. Secret’s out: I put it there so we would have things to do with little toys at first. I was thinking, ruminating, afraid that he would say something about how he needed it back.
Anxiety is real. So maybe I invented the fact that he’d ask for it back to distract myself from the fact that I am alone. Or it’s just painful to hear his voice and feel a connection to him even briefly. I invented a sprinkle of temporary chaos in my life.
But still, recognizing unhealthy chaotic patterns. And after waving Boris and that whole life good bye, it’s somewhat scary to be on my own. AND!! It is also better beyond all imagined states!!! I love my life.
Speaking of anxiety, I had a rough chat with my mom Tuesday. I really need to talk to her less and give it some air. Her anxiety gets to me. I told her it makes me feel she thinks I’m incompetent, when she asks Super
Obvious questions like Is Dan Vaxxed and boosted? And Did you talk to Sasha today?
I love her. I don’t have to talk to her. Because I tend to feel bad after talking to her. I get a lot of my issues from her obsessive need to fix others to cover her anxiety. My codependency. My inability to find a mate. Bleh.
I have a dry patch from the acne medication I’ve been taking so I got shea butter from l’occitane. I remember a guy I dated told me it was the only thing that worked for his eczema. He was Irish and English, and I remember that affects people from the British isles.
I hope it works!
Frina got Sasha that balance bike. It was in my car when I left Boris. Secret’s out: I put it there so we would have things to do with little toys at first. I was thinking, ruminating, afraid that he would say something about how he needed it back.
Anxiety is real. So maybe I invented the fact that he’d ask for it back to distract myself from the fact that I am alone. Or it’s just painful to hear his voice and feel a connection to him even briefly. I invented a sprinkle of temporary chaos in my life.
But still, recognizing unhealthy chaotic patterns. And after waving Boris and that whole life good bye, it’s somewhat scary to be on my own. AND!! It is also better beyond all imagined states!!! I love my life.
Speaking of anxiety, I had a rough chat with my mom Tuesday. I really need to talk to her less and give it some air. Her anxiety gets to me. I told her it makes me feel she thinks I’m incompetent, when she asks Super
Obvious questions like Is Dan Vaxxed and boosted? And Did you talk to Sasha today?
I love her. I don’t have to talk to her. Because I tend to feel bad after talking to her. I get a lot of my issues from her obsessive need to fix others to cover her anxiety. My codependency. My inability to find a mate. Bleh.
I have a dry patch from the acne medication I’ve been taking so I got shea butter from l’occitane. I remember a guy I dated told me it was the only thing that worked for his eczema. He was Irish and English, and I remember that affects people from the British isles.
I hope it works!