(no subject)
Somebody asked me once why I don’t journal more
I think it might be because I don’t like my thoughts to be contained
Writing them down is just so concrete
I mean…already this is going in a direction. In my head thoughts can flutter around and change and morph without direction and then the end product doesn’t matter and I don’t have to sit staring at it for the rest of eternity because once something is written it can never truly be erased because someone else may have seen it someone else may have taken it as truth
When I make journal entries they make my emotions for that day so much more important than they really are
I don’t know
When I reread things from the past it scares me
When did I actually feel that way? How did I get to where I am now?
What is going on inside my head and why can’t I find a way out?
Then also
Putting things in the open scares me almost as much as hiding it
It is there but who is there to listen, who is reading, who is judging and making assumptions, right or wrong?
And if I hide it, who knows if it may disappear or be used
I don’t count myself as interesting enough to have someone try to look at my diary, but I think the private thoughts of everyone are fascinating so if you let me look at your diary I would. So maybe someone else feels the same way, but the second I say that I feel presumptuous and annoying.
Why do I have to keep hiding why does anyone have to keep hiding
Lets all go run away
Blah blah blahhhhhhhh
Someone please make me stop talking.
I think it might be because I don’t like my thoughts to be contained
Writing them down is just so concrete
I mean…already this is going in a direction. In my head thoughts can flutter around and change and morph without direction and then the end product doesn’t matter and I don’t have to sit staring at it for the rest of eternity because once something is written it can never truly be erased because someone else may have seen it someone else may have taken it as truth
When I make journal entries they make my emotions for that day so much more important than they really are
I don’t know
When I reread things from the past it scares me
When did I actually feel that way? How did I get to where I am now?
What is going on inside my head and why can’t I find a way out?
Then also
Putting things in the open scares me almost as much as hiding it
It is there but who is there to listen, who is reading, who is judging and making assumptions, right or wrong?
And if I hide it, who knows if it may disappear or be used
I don’t count myself as interesting enough to have someone try to look at my diary, but I think the private thoughts of everyone are fascinating so if you let me look at your diary I would. So maybe someone else feels the same way, but the second I say that I feel presumptuous and annoying.
Why do I have to keep hiding why does anyone have to keep hiding
Lets all go run away
Blah blah blahhhhhhhh
Someone please make me stop talking.