An attempt to start facing a fear.
Things I've probably never told you about me:
I know I'm more intelligent than most other people, but I also don't think I'm better than other people, because I screw up just as often despite whatever advantages the intelligence gives me and anyway I haven't *done* much with the brain. I like to read slash--fanfic about characters from books and TV shows in same-sex relationships. (Oh, yeah, have I ever mentioned I'm fannish? I get geekily obsessive about things, and not even normal things like sports but FICTION.) I love the movie Rent, despite its many flaws and aching earnestness. I'm often so afraid other people will think I'm an idiot for the things I like that I almost never tell anyone but my closest friends my personal, irrational, emotional opinions on *anything.* I have trichotillomania--I sometimes can't stop myself from pulling out my own hair. I think I'm a lesbian, but I've never even been kissed. I like medical and forensics shows--CSI, House M.D., even Emergency Vets. I want to have kids someday. I'd be perfectly willing to stay in a marriage with a person I was no longer in love with--if things could be kept friendly--so my hypothetical future children didn't have to deal with a broken home. I show off my knowledge sometimes so other people think I'm smart, and then feel guilty about it afterwards. I want, more than anything else, to have one person--friend, lover, it doesn't *matter*--whom I fully trust, fully love, fully depend on. Sometimes I resent or pity my mother; I want my father's respect, but I usually feel like an idiot around him. I like playing musical instruments, but I'm not expressive or emotional enough to play music. I still can't entirely explain why I dropped out of school. Sometimes I melt at cute things. I neither like nor am interested in the vast majority of people; I'm not exactly a misanthrope, I don't have any ill will towards other people, I'm happy to peacefully coexist and I won't act unethically (same as my attitude towards other animals: vegetarian, remember), but most interaction with most people isn't rewarding for me. I keep a lot of things from other people, because I'm afraid of being rejected by the people I do like and respect.
I know I'm more intelligent than most other people, but I also don't think I'm better than other people, because I screw up just as often despite whatever advantages the intelligence gives me and anyway I haven't *done* much with the brain. I like to read slash--fanfic about characters from books and TV shows in same-sex relationships. (Oh, yeah, have I ever mentioned I'm fannish? I get geekily obsessive about things, and not even normal things like sports but FICTION.) I love the movie Rent, despite its many flaws and aching earnestness. I'm often so afraid other people will think I'm an idiot for the things I like that I almost never tell anyone but my closest friends my personal, irrational, emotional opinions on *anything.* I have trichotillomania--I sometimes can't stop myself from pulling out my own hair. I think I'm a lesbian, but I've never even been kissed. I like medical and forensics shows--CSI, House M.D., even Emergency Vets. I want to have kids someday. I'd be perfectly willing to stay in a marriage with a person I was no longer in love with--if things could be kept friendly--so my hypothetical future children didn't have to deal with a broken home. I show off my knowledge sometimes so other people think I'm smart, and then feel guilty about it afterwards. I want, more than anything else, to have one person--friend, lover, it doesn't *matter*--whom I fully trust, fully love, fully depend on. Sometimes I resent or pity my mother; I want my father's respect, but I usually feel like an idiot around him. I like playing musical instruments, but I'm not expressive or emotional enough to play music. I still can't entirely explain why I dropped out of school. Sometimes I melt at cute things. I neither like nor am interested in the vast majority of people; I'm not exactly a misanthrope, I don't have any ill will towards other people, I'm happy to peacefully coexist and I won't act unethically (same as my attitude towards other animals: vegetarian, remember), but most interaction with most people isn't rewarding for me. I keep a lot of things from other people, because I'm afraid of being rejected by the people I do like and respect.