happiness?
i went to see Matrix Revolutions tonight with josh, justin, and rian. it was awesome =) hmmm lets see....
ive waited long enough and i think hes finally here. josh =). ive never been able to be so open and not nervous with someone i barely knew until tonight. i wasnt shy, at all. we have soo much in common that it is scary. hes cute and so sweet, and best of all...he likes me and respects me as well. thats very hard to find.
with that going on, im so happy, but then all i can think about is hurting others, me being hurt...you know. i feel like if i start anything serious with him then jon will be sad of course...and im sure there are others. i just think about others' happiness before my own...i hate that.. then i think about how ive been treated by guys in the past...as tho they come and build me up to knock me down and leave. im worried that it might happen again...but not so much with him. josh is...just...wow. but for some reason, a small part of me is worried. i wish i would just get over all the pain and realize that there can be good out there...and i think i have found the good. hmmm *ponders* anyway.
he gives great massages, loves the same stuff as i do, and we even say things at the same time. tonight was out first "date" but we have been talking for about a week. beleive it or not...he is dereks friend. thanks derek! you have a great friend! i guess thats the one of the few good things that i got from derek....josh. im talking so greatly of this...it is going to jynx it...or however thats spelled. i hope this is not too good to be true. *sigh* =) well...i shall sleep now and ponder some more and dream about the happy stuff. ttyl
ive waited long enough and i think hes finally here. josh =). ive never been able to be so open and not nervous with someone i barely knew until tonight. i wasnt shy, at all. we have soo much in common that it is scary. hes cute and so sweet, and best of all...he likes me and respects me as well. thats very hard to find.
with that going on, im so happy, but then all i can think about is hurting others, me being hurt...you know. i feel like if i start anything serious with him then jon will be sad of course...and im sure there are others. i just think about others' happiness before my own...i hate that.. then i think about how ive been treated by guys in the past...as tho they come and build me up to knock me down and leave. im worried that it might happen again...but not so much with him. josh is...just...wow. but for some reason, a small part of me is worried. i wish i would just get over all the pain and realize that there can be good out there...and i think i have found the good. hmmm *ponders* anyway.
he gives great massages, loves the same stuff as i do, and we even say things at the same time. tonight was out first "date" but we have been talking for about a week. beleive it or not...he is dereks friend. thanks derek! you have a great friend! i guess thats the one of the few good things that i got from derek....josh. im talking so greatly of this...it is going to jynx it...or however thats spelled. i hope this is not too good to be true. *sigh* =) well...i shall sleep now and ponder some more and dream about the happy stuff. ttyl