Pure Depravity (3/5)
Title: Pure Depravity
Disclaimer: JKR owns anything that is obviously hers. I own the rest.
Characters: Blaise Zabini, Daphne Greengrass, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Pansy Parkinson, Tracey Davis
Genres: Angst, Drama, Romance, Smut
Warnings: Dubious Consent, Sexual Situations, Skeevy Relationship Dynamics
Overall Rating: NC-17
Summary: Pansy Parkinson will do anything to keep Draco Malfoy from breaking up with her. Anything. But he's steadily losing interest whilst Blaise Zabini is doing his very best to find all of her weak points and use them against her in his quest to get her for himself.
Extra Note: Thank you to little_dollface and mazvn for the beta and robs55 for the Britpick. Extra thanks to little_dollface for the banner and matching icon. :D
Length: Five parts totalling 30,000 words. Part 3: 6,087 words.
Previous Part
Pansy didn’t know why Blaise was in such a temper today, but there was no doubt about it. She knew him well enough to see all the signs. When truly angered, he’d become really quiet and determined and then strike with lethal precision once he found an opening.
She couldn’t take that. Not today. She didn’t need him to tell her that she was failing miserably at getting Draco’s attention back on her and that she was losing him. She didn’t want the reminder. She just wanted to feel wanted.
She drew him closer and deepened the kiss, moulding her body to his. He lifted one hand from the wall and cradled her neck with it, his fingers digging into her skin.
She gasped. ‘Please, Blaise,’ she tried again. She knew he enjoyed it when others begged him. She knew he got off on the power. So she gave it to him, hoping he wouldn’t use it to destroy her.
He didn’t seem to pay any attention to her but simply crushed her lips against his again. She desperately tried to give him what it was he was asking for, but it seemed that her attempts to soothe him only frustrated him and made it worse and finally she had to claw her way free.
‘You’re hurting me!’
He didn’t look the least bit contrite. ‘You said “anything”.’
Pain? He meant pain? Her pain? She laughed nervously, but quickly stopped as he looked completely unamused. This wasn’t what she’d wanted. She didn’t mind if he was a little bit rough, but... pain? How was that going to make anything better? ‘I don’t like it when you hurt me.’
His expression didn’t change. ‘Then you’re of no use to me.’
Pansy lifted her hand to softly caress his cheek. ‘I could suck you off again. The way you want it, this time.’
He caught her hand, using too much force, and removed it. ‘No.’
Reluctantly, Pansy had to admit defeat. It seemed like she was only going to get it one way tonight and she would rather have some claim of control than none, so averting her eyes, she slowly said, ‘All right, then.’
‘All right, what?’
She swallowed, afraid of his strange mood. ‘All right, you can do what you like.’
The hand on her neck shifted to her chin, which he forced up until she had to look at him. ‘That’s not what I wanted to hear.’
‘What then?’
‘Do you really think I want you to be another brainless bint just catering to whatever I want?’ he snarled.
Pansy was confused. ‘That’s all you ever wanted from me!’
‘Wrong again.’
‘Then tell me what you want!’ she all but shouted, really just wishing he would just tell her what he wanted so she could give it to him.
‘I want the same thing you want.’
She raised an eyebrow. Even in her current state of mind, this was too good to pass up. ‘Draco?’
The hand on her chin tightened, making her wince, before he abruptly let go. ‘No. I want to be wanted.’
Pansy’s eyes widened and she stared up at him. He looked dead serious. Had she said it out loud before? And what did he mean? Half the witches in this place seemed to want him-even Pansy had picked up on the current discontent and confusion among many of the females in this place after Blaise had chosen “celibacy”.
‘I like having sex with you,’ she said, not sure if that was what he wanted.
‘But you wish I were him while we’re doing it, so it doesn’t really count,’ he growled.
‘What if I promise that I won’t?’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘Really.’ It wasn’t a question.
‘It’s not like you look or act anything like him, anyway. I know you aren’t him,’ she tried.
‘Indeed.’ He looked unimpressed.
She ran her hands up his chest until she reached his shoulders and then outwards. He was taller than Draco. Broader. Darker. More menacing and... thrilling. ‘You’re very sexy.’
He just looked at her.
She bit her lip and looked up at him under lowered lashes. ‘I want you.’
‘You little liar,’ he whispered, but he still kissed her again.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss as enthusiastically as she could. She wanted him to feel wanted. If he ever felt like she did-which she kind of doubted that he did-she wanted to alleviate some of his pain. If only for a little while.
***
He shouldn’t have been honest with her. Now she probably pitied him. Blaise Zabini wasn’t one to accept pity snogs or pity fucks.
But he supposed that tonight he’d make an exception.
It felt so much like she really wanted him and he had no desire to deny himself, even if she should secretly be wishing that he were someone else.
He ran his hand down her arse and thigh to sneak up under her skirt and hoist her up. She gave a muffled sound of surprise, but he didn’t care. He needed her. Like this. He pinned her against the wall with his body and ran his other hand down between her legs to feel her knickers.
They were thankfully damp. Without realising it, he’d been worried about her physical responses. It annoyed him that he cared. He shouldn’t care. She let him coerce her on some idiotic pretext, so whether she actually wanted to do it or not was irrelevant.
He tugged at her knickers, finding that they were too durable to just snap, and he certainly wasn’t in a mood to allow Pansy to unwrap her legs, so he could get them off. Pushing them aside would have to do. He did so and immediately entered her with two fingers.
She gasped, breaking the kiss and staring at him with big, wild eyes.
He waited for her to tell him if he hurt her, but she didn’t speak and he took that as a go-ahead to move his fingers. She was already so warm and wet and he had to fight not to groan just from this. Performing for her probably wouldn’t be a problem, after all.
She grabbed onto his shoulders and buried her face in his neck, gasping and incoherently muttering something about how nice it was.
He wanted to open his trousers so he could enter her already, but couldn’t without either letting go of her or stopping the fingering. Neither was an option.
‘Get my belt,’ he rasped. ‘And... and the buttons...’
She didn’t waste any time in obeying him. It took a little effort for her to figure out how to best achieve her goal and keep her balance at the same time, but soon she had her hand wrapped around his cock and was rubbing him.
Only Pansy could make a hand job seem so fucking glorious.
He kissed her neck and her cheek and, as she turned her face towards his, finally her lips again. He needed to make her his. He needed.
‘I want you,’ he whispered. ‘Make it happen.’
She obeyed, positioning him. He waited until the very last second to remove his fingers and then pressed inside her.
Heaven.
He moved and she wrapped her legs tighter around him, whimpering. At least the physical part was working for her. He stopped briefly to tear at her shirt. He needed more of her skin. Why were they never just naked together any more? She helped him get it open and push her bra aside, and then moved impatiently against him.
He obliged. Who was he not to ease her very obvious itch when she was so flushed, almost feverish, and her eyes were begging him?
He bent to taste one of her lovely nipples and stroked his tongue over it again and again. She gasped and grabbed his head, pressing him closer.
This was going exactly the way he wanted it, except it was too fast. He raised his head to tell her, but she just kissed him, deeply, making his need reach unknown proportions.
He didn’t have the luxury of being able to just give in, though. He needed to be all about pleasing her. It was so rare she gave him the chance, so he had to prove that his experience actually made him capable of holding back and-
She let her lips wander across his cheek and then tugged lightly on his earlobe with her teeth whilst running her hand down his arm to grab the hand he’d used to finger her with. Then, looking him straight in the eye, she brought it to her mouth. So soft, so moist, so naughty. He convulsed, nearly unable to stop himself. She had such damn good instincts and he just... wanted her.
He pulled the hand back and roughly caught her lips again before he began moving harder and faster.
‘Oh, yes,’ she sighed, breaking free from his kiss to place teasing, little kisses on the corner of his mouth. ‘More...’
He obliged her by moving faster because he simply had to. It felt so good.
Too good.
Fuck. He realised he had already begun moving erratically, his body tensing. He was coming.
Quickly, he moved his hand down between her legs in a vain hope he could even out the difference before she realised that he was unable to wait for her.
She moaned in appreciation of the extra stimulation and it did nothing to stop his orgasm, absolutely nothing. He closed his eyes. If only he could stay on the edge a little longer... She uttered the smallest sigh, little more than a breath, as he rubbed her just right, and it was enough to send him over. Fuck.
He knew there was no hiding that he was coming. He groaned deeply and thrust hard and held it there, feeling like he was trying to give up his very essence to her.
Her breath caught and he could tell she enjoyed his climax. Well... so did he. But he didn’t take the time to fully enjoy the afterglow. He would still be hard for a little while and even though he was sensitive, he ignored it, because he needed to make her come. He needed it. He needed to show her that he could provide her with pleasure. He needed to show her that he was better than Malfoy could ever be.
‘Blaise!’ she gasped, sounding confused. ‘Didn’t you just-?’
He shut her up with a hard kiss. ‘Shh,’ he whispered. ‘Just come for me.’
She whimpered at his request. He could feel she was close and redoubled his efforts, thrusting and rubbing and kissing and-she gasped and grabbed his shoulders and buried her head in his neck-suddenly he felt her shuddering, her muscles clamping tight around his oversensitised cock.
Yes, this was what he wanted. This. It was so lovely that he just wanted to continue. His cock could get ready for another round even before it went down, he knew from experience. It shouldn’t be a problem with her. He just wanted to keep her coming for him.
But she pushed his hand away from between her legs and muttered, ‘Stop!’
‘Too sensitive?’ he softly asked. He could stop touching her for a while until the worst of it went away, if that was the case.
‘I just... I shouldn’t have. It’s not fair to Draco.’
She couldn’t have cooled him faster if she’d poured a bucket of ice on his head.
She just had to mention Malfoy when things were finally pleasant, didn’t she?
His eagerness to please squelched, he stepped away, allowing her to get to her feet before he closed his trousers. Damn him for always forgetting that she was only half there with him. ‘Draco is off with other witches often enough, so I don’t see why you care,’ he said.
‘You don’t understand,’ she muttered and righted her clothes. ‘I love him. So I should try to be faithful at least in spirit when I can’t completely be in body.’
‘How about: it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t love you. It doesn’t make sense to stay faithful to someone who doesn’t care!’
Blaise dimly noticed that his voice was rising and he was losing his cool, but he was beyond caring. He hated feeling like this. Hated it. He wished he didn’t want her so much. With all the witches he could have, he had to want this one? Fucking priceless.
‘Then why do you?’
He blinked, blindsided. ‘What?’
‘There’s talk. You’ve been turning down every witch that has approached you lately. It’s very unlike you.’
Blaise looked down, feeling oddly bashful. ‘Yeah, well, I said I could be better than him. And I have been.’
‘I don’t want you to be.’
His eyes snapped up to meet hers.
She continued, ‘I don’t want you to be faithful to me. I don’t want that responsibility.’
He blinked, not sure how that made him feel. ‘It’s not your responsibility; it’s my choice!’
‘And there’ll soon be gossip! You’ll ruin everything for me!’
Blaise ground his teeth. ‘I’m careful, aren’t I? I don’t as much as look at you outside of this room!’
‘Something will happen and everyone will know. So please do me a favour and be yourself.’
He couldn’t believe this. He was trying to prove something to her! He was trying to show her that he would be serious about her if she’d let him and... now this?
He just didn’t understand.
‘I thought you despised the fact that I slept around.’
She shrugged, her clothes now all in order. ‘It’s kind of tacky, but it’s you.’
‘Maybe I don’t want to be tacky any more,’ he muttered.
She snorted at that. ‘You’re eternally horny, Zabini. This goes against your very nature.’
‘Right.’ He didn’t appreciate the implication that he was being controlled by his dick.
‘It’s not going to change anything. I would just consider it a personal favour if you’d stop make people guess at what’s happening with you,’ she quietly said and then she left the room.
He left only a minute later. They were far enough apart that nobody would think they were walking back together, but close enough that he could keep an eye on her gently swaying hips.
They’d almost made it back to the common room when Pansy turned a corner, almost bumping into someone. Blaise quickly recognised Tracey Davis from their year. Pretty enough. He’d snogged her once but never actually gone further than that. Last he heard, she belonged to Theo.
She looked up from where she and Pansy had been sizing each other up and brightened as she saw Blaise.
‘Zabini! Just the wizard I wanted to run into.’
‘Well, technically, I think you ran into Pansy,’ he drawled, a little confused at the girl’s exuberance at seeing him.
She affected a short laugh, making him raise an eyebrow. He noticed from the corner of his eye that Pansy was still standing at the corner, unsubtly eavesdropping.
‘Well,’ Tracey said, coyly playing with a lock of her own hair. ‘Theo is being an arse, and I was told that you’re the one to help me get back at him...’
He let his gaze slither down her form. Generous, but not too generous. Definitely had more in the chest department than Pansy, though. ‘Really,’ he murmured.
‘Are you?’ Tracey asked.
Taking on the Beta might not be such a good idea. Especially considering the problems he was going to get with the Alpha if he ever found out Blaise’s true intentions with Pansy.
He looked up at Pansy, who was still watching them, raising an eyebrow at him. Daring him to turn Tracey down.
The Alpha would never become a problem at this rate.
And this was his “nature”, wasn’t it? To be a piece of meat to be used at will.
He motioned towards the nearby empty classroom. ‘Enter my office and we’ll... talk.’
Tracey giggled and did as he asked. He looked at Pansy one last time, just in time to see that she was disappearing around the corner. Walking away.
Then he took a deep breath and joined Tracey.
***
‘Very... interesting essay, Miss Parkinson,’ the professor said, handing her essay back to her.
She unrolled it just enough to see her mark. T. Just grand.
‘Obviously, we will have to, ah, discuss the viability of you continuing the NEWTs for this course,’ he very diplomatically said before moving on.
Like she cared she was failing! It wasn’t like she was going to get a job. Still, she was so busy sending his back a death glare that she forgot to roll up the parchment.
‘How fitting!’ a rather insufferable voice said behind her. ‘I didn’t even know they used Troll these days, but if anyone deserves it, it would be you.’
It was at the very end of the class and people were already filing out. Pansy calmly stuck the parchment in her bag before she turned around to face that dreadful Mudblood bitch who they called-well, honestly, nobody she knew called her anything else. ‘Some of us don’t need good marks, Granger,’ she calmly said. ‘We’ll still be better, richer, and more influential than you’ll ever be. That has to sting.’
Except good marks were still sort of expected and Pansy would be sure to hear from her father about this. She dreaded that conversation. It would be one of many where he’d point out that she wasn’t smart, wasn’t beautiful, and should be damn grateful that at least she was pure-blood and of a decent family who would help see to it that she’d get a good lot in life.
Granger shook her head and wrinkled her stupid, stuck-up, freckled nose. ‘You really believe that, don’t you? And how are you going to achieve that? By marrying Malfoy? Doesn’t it bother you to have no independence whatsoever?’
Pansy sneered. ‘I don’t expect posing rabble like you to understand the finer workings of our society,’ she hissed, before she left.
Trust someone like Granger to not understand how desirable marriage was. How important it was to preserve the bloodlines and family fortunes. How family life was a fulltime job and a much more important career than just going to some office to shuffle around papers.
Pansy counted on giving Draco at least three children. Four if none of them were boys. And she would teach them basic things like family history and proper etiquette, whilst Draco would teach them networking and investments.
A commoner like Granger would probably think it would suffice to teach the children to read, write and do math. Maybe it would for her. But then again, her worth was measured differently, wasn’t it? She could be “independent” if she wanted to.
Some people didn’t have that luxury. So why bother to lament it?
***
Sometimes, you couldn’t wait for things to happen. Sometimes you had to make them happen. It wasn’t an issue of wanting to create conflict, really. It was more that sometimes it was better to get the conflict over with so you could move on from there.
So, really, Blaise wouldn’t really be causing Pansy any hurt. He would just be hurting her sooner rather than later, which would probably actually make it hurt less. He was saving her from any additional hurt.
At least that was what he was telling himself as he was waiting for her to show up.
She finally did. Or, rather, she was on time. It wasn’t her fault that he’d already been there an hour, trying to soothe his own frazzled nerves. Why he had nerves to begin with, he had no idea. It was stupid.
She looked around. ‘Why here?’ she asked. ‘Why not at the secret room?’
Blaise shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. ‘Nothing good ever happened in that room. Something very good happened in this office.’ Their first night together had happened here. This was where he’d made up his mind.
She blushed a little, but then frowned. ‘The things we’ve been doing... haven’t been good?’
‘There’s more to good sex than lust,’ he quietly said. ‘Much more. Things just... don’t... work for me. I just want to forget about everything else when I’m with you.’
She looked down. ‘You mean Draco.’
‘I mean everyone and everything.’
‘So why here?’
He felt a little guilty, but tried to tamp it down. ‘Because here I’m hard pressed to think about anything except the way you surrendered to me that night.’
She walked over and sat down on the sofa where he’d taken her virginity. ‘A bed would be more comfortable. We never actually had sex in the bed.’
‘I don’t care about comfort.’ He sat down next to her, putting his arm up on the backrest behind her. ‘You know what I want.’
‘Sure. Sex.’ She didn’t look at him.
He sighed. Pansy wasn’t stupid. She must know he wanted more than that. Otherwise she wouldn’t have forced him to give up his attempt to show her he could be faithful. ‘I did what you wanted me to.’
‘I know,’ she softly replied. ‘I heard. You must’ve really pleased her.’
He wanted to tell her how much he’d hated it but supposed that would cheapen the sacrifice. ‘Are you pleased with me now? Will you be nice to me tonight?’
She blinked at him. ‘What?’
‘I just... I don’t want it to end in a fight again, Pansy. Can’t it just be good, even if that is all it is?’
She smiled at him, put her hand on his thigh and kissed him.
It soothed him. Gave him that little bit of peace he craved. He cradled her face with his hand, enjoying this little bit of sweetness among all of the fucked-up mindless fucking.
She drew back. ‘What’s wrong with you tonight, Blaise?’
‘I’m just a little... just kiss me,’ he muttered, kissing her again, softly pressing her down.
He couldn’t explain how he felt. He felt dirty from doing what she wanted him to, and guilty for currently misleading her, he supposed. He definitely felt unhappy that no matter how many times he kissed or caressed her, she still didn’t want him in any way that mattered.
And he hated himself for being this torn up about some witch. All witches were whores you could buy as long as you knew their price. To let one get to you just because she preferred to go with someone better able to afford her was to lose.
But then again, he’d admitted defeat as soon as he’d touched Tracey and realised that she wasn’t going to please him in any way because he only wanted Pansy.
And he’d admitted defeat again when he hadn’t let that stop him. Because Pansy had made her wishes clear.
And now he was admitting defeat a third time as he closed his eyes and prayed that tonight would cause her to realise that she didn’t need Malfoy any more.
She was opening his shirt, but he couldn’t bring himself to undress her. He only pushed her skirt up a bit to make better room for his legs as he manoeuvred her under him.
She giggled rather out of the blue, breaking the kiss. ‘One of these days I need to be on top.’
‘I’d love that,’ he muttered. ‘I love it when you take charge.’
‘Then why did you never ask me to?’
He let his lips wander down to her neck. ‘Because you needed me to take you,’ he whispered against her skin. ‘You needed to follow my lead.’
‘Is this another part of the whole “first time you’re rubbish” thing?’ she asked, a breathless note to her voice.
‘You were never rubbish at sex. And no. You just needed it. To feel safe. I know you. It takes time for you to gain confidence.’
‘But-’ she began, but he didn’t have the patience for this discussion right now and he cut her off with a kiss.
‘Shh,’ he murmured. ‘Next time, you can be on top.’
Then he kissed her again, deeply, moving his hand up to cop a feel because he simply couldn’t refrain from doing so. He wasn’t dead, after all.
***
Pansy was wondering about the uncharacteristic gentleness on Blaise’s end. He never just wanted to snog; he always wanted to shag, one way or the other.
Snogging whilst fully dressed did feel sort of nice, though.
It felt like... caring. Something that was sorely lacking in her life right now. She hardly ever saw Draco any more. It was a bit sad that this was all she had, but it was, and she might as well get full enjoyment from it. Nobody cared what she did, anyway.
‘Oh for crying out-’ A voice exclaimed from the door. Pansy had been so absorbed, she hadn’t even heard it open.
Horrified, she pushed Blaise away and turned her head to see Draco standing there with his bag slung over his shoulder. He looked annoyed, even angry.
‘I-I can explain,’ she said, kicking at Blaise, who wasn’t moving away fast enough. ‘This is not what it looks like!’
The cold hand of fear was gripping her chest. What had she done? Caring, indeed! Blaise didn’t care about anyone but himself and she should never have let him touch her. Ever. Now she was going to lose the one thing she had in life, the one thing she wanted in life. Without Draco she was just another nobody. Where was she going to go? Her father would disown as soon as he found out that she’d ruined this match by being unfaithful.
Her heart was pounding and she began tearing at her shirt. It was too tight around the neck. She couldn’t breathe. She was going to suffocate and they were both just... looking at her, not realising that her world was crumbling around her.
‘Breathe,’ Blaise quietly said, placing a hand on her shoulder. ‘Slowly. It’s all right.’
She stared at him, her eyes big and wild. ‘You...’ she whispered. ‘You did this, didn’t you? You arranged for him to come here, to catch you taking advantage of me. You knew th-that he’d get the wrong impression.’ She edged away from him. How could she have been so stupid?
Blaise’s lips compressed. ‘What’s so wrong about that impression? You were willing!’
‘Only because you said you’d tell him if I wasn’t.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Do you really think I w-would ever...’
She would end out on the street. All alone. And since she didn’t even have good marks, she’d have no way to support herself. Except, of course, one way. Maybe that would be fitting. The cheating slut whoring for survival.
Blaise had ruined her life! And she’d let him. For what? For feeling good about herself every once in a while? Stupid. So stupid.
‘Relax, Pansy,’ Draco quietly said. ‘I already knew. But maybe this is a good opportunity to rethink matters.’
‘No!’ she jumped to her feet. ‘No, please don’t.’
He shook his head. ‘Maybe we’re just not right for each other.’
Blaise leant back and Pansy hated him for being there, for no doubt enjoying the show.
She swallowed her pride as she so often did around either of these two. ‘You’re in love with another witch, aren’t you?’
Draco’s gaze flickered. ‘I don’t see how that’s-’
‘But she’s unsuitable, isn’t she?’ Pansy interrupted. ‘If she weren’t, you would have broken up with me and officially begun seeing her. Your secrecy is very telling.’
He clenched his jaw. ‘What’s your point?’
She swallowed. This was hardly how she’d envisioned her relationship with Draco developing, but sometimes you had to make adjustments. She was adjusting. ‘It’s ok,’ she quietly said. ‘I won’t hold it against you.’
He stared at her and then shook his head. ‘I’m not giving her up.’
‘N-no, I know,’ she said, forcing herself to say the words as lightly as possible. ‘Just... don’t rub it in my face. We can still... proceed.’
‘What the fuck, Pansy!?’ Blaise growled.
Draco’s eyes went to Blaise at the exclamation, but then returned to Pansy without him revealing any great response. ‘I don’t know...’
‘You’re going to need someone suitable,’ she whispered. ‘Why not me?’
He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. ‘It’s just not fair.’
‘What’s fair in this life?’ she asked. ‘I could do a lot worse and so could you.’
Draco slowly nodded. ‘You’re right. This... is good.’ He looked unconvinced.
Pansy gave him a shaky smile. ‘It always was.’
He nodded again, then glared at Blaise. ‘I will talk to you later.’ Then he turned around and left.
Pansy heavily exhaled. She’d somehow saved it. True, the new arrangement was anything but ideal, but she still had Draco. On some level.
‘I don’t believe you!’ Blaise said from behind her, his voice cold and angry. How dare he be angry?
She swung around, pointing her finger at him. ‘You! I’m done with you!’
Blaise had the audacity to laugh. ‘No, you’re not.’
‘Did you hear your name mentioned anywhere in that conversation? No. Because you’re history! You’re nothing but some pathetic, possessive arsehole and I’ll love to see you go!’
He slowly stood, making her inwardly cringe, even though she refused to be outwardly intimidated by him. ‘Don’t be stupid, Pansy,’ he coolly said. ‘When your oh-so-perfect boyfriend said he knew about us, he meant it. He’s been giving me his permission-even his blessing-to pursue you. Except that first night. He still doesn’t know about that, and I doubt he’d be pleased to learn that he’s actually been played for a fool.’
Pansy swallowed, feeling like the rug had been pulled from under her feet. ‘He wouldn’t,’ she whispered.
‘He was happy to learn that he didn’t have to take your virginity,’ Blaise said. ‘That’s how much he loves you.’
She was feeling rather dizzy and nauseous. She needed to go lie down. ‘Yes. Well. You would deliberately humiliate me in front of the only person I love in order to further your own scheme. That’s how much you care about me. Excuse me.’ She turned on her heel and stumbled off for her dormitory.
***
‘You are dead,’ Malfoy very matter-of-factly said. They were at the library, and he was scribbling down notes while reading in a huge tome like some kind of swot.
‘Fuck you,’ Blaise replied just as calmly, sitting down across from him. ‘She’s not going anywhere and now your relationship is more honest. As far as I’m concerned, you owe me.’
‘As far as I’m concerned, you just closed one of my best ways out of the relationship,’ Malfoy growled.
‘If you wanted out, you could’ve just fucking dumped her!’ Blaise yanked some parchment from his own bag. ‘I think we both know that I’ll be there to comfort her if you do.’
‘I can’t. I’m still not sure what’s the best approach. She was right about the other witch I’m seeing. And none of this was ever your call, Zabini. Pansy was never yours. You only got to borrow her.’
Blaise snarled. ‘She’s a fucking human being! And now you get to have your cake and eat it too. I can’t believe how lucky you are.’
‘Lucky!’ Malfoy threw down his quill and scoffed. ‘Only a git like you would find it lucky to have to marry some witch you can barely stand looking at in order to be able to spend time with the one you truly want without becoming an outcast.’
‘Badmouth Pansy one more time and I’ll hex your bits off!’
‘Oh, that’s rich!’ Malfoy rolled his eyes. ‘Get over it, Zabini. She’s mine. And I’m not badmouthing her. In fact, it has very little to do with her-except, granted, I do find her neediness to be increasingly off-putting.’
‘She’s desperate because she’s in love with you and you’re pulling away from her! If you find that off-putting, you should let her go.’
Malfoy looked at Blaise for a few seconds and then a slow, unpleasant grin began forming on his face. ‘You’re in love with her!’ he exclaimed far too gleefully. ‘It must be difficult for you, knowing that she’d rather be with me, despite everything.’
Blaise didn’t respond but just glared back.
Malfoy’s grin widened. ‘I find that your death is unnecessary. It’ll be enough that you have to see her with me. Forever. And maybe I’ll even have children with both of them.’
Blaise cringed at the very thought. ‘It won’t be forever. She’ll realise her mistake soon.’
‘Will she, then?’ Malfoy coolly asked. ‘We’ll see.’
She’d better realise her mistake soon. Blaise couldn’t bear the mental image Malfoy had just planted in his head.
***
Pansy slipped into the dark and abandoned office. Nobody would think to look for her here. It would never even occur to Blaise that she might seek out the very office they had a history in to hide in it.
She could be Slytherin too.
She sat down on the sofa and summoned her handkerchief to wipe at her wet cheeks and blow her nose. This was getting old. She hated feeling this way all the time. She hated even more that she couldn’t really confide in anyone about it. She knew what they would say-either that she should get rid of Draco, or that she should just be happy and endure these little inconsequential things-and she knew exactly what side her father would be on. He’d always found her to be far too emotional about things.
But what if neither was an option for her? What if she desperately ached for Draco’s affection, if not love?
She supposed that was when she suffered all of her indignities in silence and came here to cry alone. Just a time-out before she went back to pretending she wasn’t bothered at all.
The thing was, today was different. Today hadn’t just been an indignity. Today had been one soul-crushing humiliation after another, and she just wasn’t sure how much more she could take before she broke.
Out of all the ways he could’ve disrespected her...
‘Pansy?’ It was Blaise, slowly coming into the room. ‘It is you. What are you doing here?’
Damn! She hurriedly wiped at her eyes in a vain attempt to not show the worst of it. He wasn’t supposed to be here!
His jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed. ‘What happened?’
She forced herself to smile cheerfully. ‘Hey, I know you’re cross that I didn’t come see you today, but could we perhaps do this some other time?’
His expression didn’t change. ‘What happened?’ He bit each word off.
She shrugged. ‘I told you, I didn’t see any reason to-’
‘I didn’t mean that, you twit. Why are you crying?’
‘Oh.’ Pansy looked down at the handkerchief she was tightly holding on to. ‘I’d rather not talk about it.’
He stepped closer. ‘Did he hurt you? I swear, if he hurt you...’
Pansy couldn’t help a small, sad laugh. ‘Look who’s talking.’
‘I never wanted to hurt you.’
‘But you did it just the same. And you think he’s even doing it on purpose?’ She sniffed, feeling her throat constrict once more. ‘He can’t help it.’
‘Fuck, Pansy, just tell me.’
‘Why? So you can judge me?’
‘I promise not to judge. But if you don’t tell me, I’m going to have to go thrash him within an inch of his life just on principle.’
She laughed without humour once more. ‘Don’t be stupid, Blaise.’
‘I mean it.’ He really did look like he meant it. It actually helped a little bit to know that someone at least cared this much.
Pansy shook her head. ‘It’s really quite stupid.’
‘Ok...’ He slowly walked over to sit next to her. ‘Then tell me your stupid thing, and I’ll kiss you and make it all right.’
If it were only that easy. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘I won’t tell him. Don’t you think you deserve to feel better than this?’
She smiled self-deprecatingly. ‘Maybe, maybe not. But you’re not going to want to be the one to make that happen if I tell you.’
He watched her for a minute and then quietly said, ‘Try me.’
Next Part
Master List
Disclaimer: JKR owns anything that is obviously hers. I own the rest.
Characters: Blaise Zabini, Daphne Greengrass, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Pansy Parkinson, Tracey Davis
Genres: Angst, Drama, Romance, Smut
Warnings: Dubious Consent, Sexual Situations, Skeevy Relationship Dynamics
Overall Rating: NC-17
Summary: Pansy Parkinson will do anything to keep Draco Malfoy from breaking up with her. Anything. But he's steadily losing interest whilst Blaise Zabini is doing his very best to find all of her weak points and use them against her in his quest to get her for himself.
Extra Note: Thank you to little_dollface and mazvn for the beta and robs55 for the Britpick. Extra thanks to little_dollface for the banner and matching icon. :D
Length: Five parts totalling 30,000 words. Part 3: 6,087 words.
Previous Part
Pansy didn’t know why Blaise was in such a temper today, but there was no doubt about it. She knew him well enough to see all the signs. When truly angered, he’d become really quiet and determined and then strike with lethal precision once he found an opening.
She couldn’t take that. Not today. She didn’t need him to tell her that she was failing miserably at getting Draco’s attention back on her and that she was losing him. She didn’t want the reminder. She just wanted to feel wanted.
She drew him closer and deepened the kiss, moulding her body to his. He lifted one hand from the wall and cradled her neck with it, his fingers digging into her skin.
She gasped. ‘Please, Blaise,’ she tried again. She knew he enjoyed it when others begged him. She knew he got off on the power. So she gave it to him, hoping he wouldn’t use it to destroy her.
He didn’t seem to pay any attention to her but simply crushed her lips against his again. She desperately tried to give him what it was he was asking for, but it seemed that her attempts to soothe him only frustrated him and made it worse and finally she had to claw her way free.
‘You’re hurting me!’
He didn’t look the least bit contrite. ‘You said “anything”.’
Pain? He meant pain? Her pain? She laughed nervously, but quickly stopped as he looked completely unamused. This wasn’t what she’d wanted. She didn’t mind if he was a little bit rough, but... pain? How was that going to make anything better? ‘I don’t like it when you hurt me.’
His expression didn’t change. ‘Then you’re of no use to me.’
Pansy lifted her hand to softly caress his cheek. ‘I could suck you off again. The way you want it, this time.’
He caught her hand, using too much force, and removed it. ‘No.’
Reluctantly, Pansy had to admit defeat. It seemed like she was only going to get it one way tonight and she would rather have some claim of control than none, so averting her eyes, she slowly said, ‘All right, then.’
‘All right, what?’
She swallowed, afraid of his strange mood. ‘All right, you can do what you like.’
The hand on her neck shifted to her chin, which he forced up until she had to look at him. ‘That’s not what I wanted to hear.’
‘What then?’
‘Do you really think I want you to be another brainless bint just catering to whatever I want?’ he snarled.
Pansy was confused. ‘That’s all you ever wanted from me!’
‘Wrong again.’
‘Then tell me what you want!’ she all but shouted, really just wishing he would just tell her what he wanted so she could give it to him.
‘I want the same thing you want.’
She raised an eyebrow. Even in her current state of mind, this was too good to pass up. ‘Draco?’
The hand on her chin tightened, making her wince, before he abruptly let go. ‘No. I want to be wanted.’
Pansy’s eyes widened and she stared up at him. He looked dead serious. Had she said it out loud before? And what did he mean? Half the witches in this place seemed to want him-even Pansy had picked up on the current discontent and confusion among many of the females in this place after Blaise had chosen “celibacy”.
‘I like having sex with you,’ she said, not sure if that was what he wanted.
‘But you wish I were him while we’re doing it, so it doesn’t really count,’ he growled.
‘What if I promise that I won’t?’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘Really.’ It wasn’t a question.
‘It’s not like you look or act anything like him, anyway. I know you aren’t him,’ she tried.
‘Indeed.’ He looked unimpressed.
She ran her hands up his chest until she reached his shoulders and then outwards. He was taller than Draco. Broader. Darker. More menacing and... thrilling. ‘You’re very sexy.’
He just looked at her.
She bit her lip and looked up at him under lowered lashes. ‘I want you.’
‘You little liar,’ he whispered, but he still kissed her again.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss as enthusiastically as she could. She wanted him to feel wanted. If he ever felt like she did-which she kind of doubted that he did-she wanted to alleviate some of his pain. If only for a little while.
***
He shouldn’t have been honest with her. Now she probably pitied him. Blaise Zabini wasn’t one to accept pity snogs or pity fucks.
But he supposed that tonight he’d make an exception.
It felt so much like she really wanted him and he had no desire to deny himself, even if she should secretly be wishing that he were someone else.
He ran his hand down her arse and thigh to sneak up under her skirt and hoist her up. She gave a muffled sound of surprise, but he didn’t care. He needed her. Like this. He pinned her against the wall with his body and ran his other hand down between her legs to feel her knickers.
They were thankfully damp. Without realising it, he’d been worried about her physical responses. It annoyed him that he cared. He shouldn’t care. She let him coerce her on some idiotic pretext, so whether she actually wanted to do it or not was irrelevant.
He tugged at her knickers, finding that they were too durable to just snap, and he certainly wasn’t in a mood to allow Pansy to unwrap her legs, so he could get them off. Pushing them aside would have to do. He did so and immediately entered her with two fingers.
She gasped, breaking the kiss and staring at him with big, wild eyes.
He waited for her to tell him if he hurt her, but she didn’t speak and he took that as a go-ahead to move his fingers. She was already so warm and wet and he had to fight not to groan just from this. Performing for her probably wouldn’t be a problem, after all.
She grabbed onto his shoulders and buried her face in his neck, gasping and incoherently muttering something about how nice it was.
He wanted to open his trousers so he could enter her already, but couldn’t without either letting go of her or stopping the fingering. Neither was an option.
‘Get my belt,’ he rasped. ‘And... and the buttons...’
She didn’t waste any time in obeying him. It took a little effort for her to figure out how to best achieve her goal and keep her balance at the same time, but soon she had her hand wrapped around his cock and was rubbing him.
Only Pansy could make a hand job seem so fucking glorious.
He kissed her neck and her cheek and, as she turned her face towards his, finally her lips again. He needed to make her his. He needed.
‘I want you,’ he whispered. ‘Make it happen.’
She obeyed, positioning him. He waited until the very last second to remove his fingers and then pressed inside her.
Heaven.
He moved and she wrapped her legs tighter around him, whimpering. At least the physical part was working for her. He stopped briefly to tear at her shirt. He needed more of her skin. Why were they never just naked together any more? She helped him get it open and push her bra aside, and then moved impatiently against him.
He obliged. Who was he not to ease her very obvious itch when she was so flushed, almost feverish, and her eyes were begging him?
He bent to taste one of her lovely nipples and stroked his tongue over it again and again. She gasped and grabbed his head, pressing him closer.
This was going exactly the way he wanted it, except it was too fast. He raised his head to tell her, but she just kissed him, deeply, making his need reach unknown proportions.
He didn’t have the luxury of being able to just give in, though. He needed to be all about pleasing her. It was so rare she gave him the chance, so he had to prove that his experience actually made him capable of holding back and-
She let her lips wander across his cheek and then tugged lightly on his earlobe with her teeth whilst running her hand down his arm to grab the hand he’d used to finger her with. Then, looking him straight in the eye, she brought it to her mouth. So soft, so moist, so naughty. He convulsed, nearly unable to stop himself. She had such damn good instincts and he just... wanted her.
He pulled the hand back and roughly caught her lips again before he began moving harder and faster.
‘Oh, yes,’ she sighed, breaking free from his kiss to place teasing, little kisses on the corner of his mouth. ‘More...’
He obliged her by moving faster because he simply had to. It felt so good.
Too good.
Fuck. He realised he had already begun moving erratically, his body tensing. He was coming.
Quickly, he moved his hand down between her legs in a vain hope he could even out the difference before she realised that he was unable to wait for her.
She moaned in appreciation of the extra stimulation and it did nothing to stop his orgasm, absolutely nothing. He closed his eyes. If only he could stay on the edge a little longer... She uttered the smallest sigh, little more than a breath, as he rubbed her just right, and it was enough to send him over. Fuck.
He knew there was no hiding that he was coming. He groaned deeply and thrust hard and held it there, feeling like he was trying to give up his very essence to her.
Her breath caught and he could tell she enjoyed his climax. Well... so did he. But he didn’t take the time to fully enjoy the afterglow. He would still be hard for a little while and even though he was sensitive, he ignored it, because he needed to make her come. He needed it. He needed to show her that he could provide her with pleasure. He needed to show her that he was better than Malfoy could ever be.
‘Blaise!’ she gasped, sounding confused. ‘Didn’t you just-?’
He shut her up with a hard kiss. ‘Shh,’ he whispered. ‘Just come for me.’
She whimpered at his request. He could feel she was close and redoubled his efforts, thrusting and rubbing and kissing and-she gasped and grabbed his shoulders and buried her head in his neck-suddenly he felt her shuddering, her muscles clamping tight around his oversensitised cock.
Yes, this was what he wanted. This. It was so lovely that he just wanted to continue. His cock could get ready for another round even before it went down, he knew from experience. It shouldn’t be a problem with her. He just wanted to keep her coming for him.
But she pushed his hand away from between her legs and muttered, ‘Stop!’
‘Too sensitive?’ he softly asked. He could stop touching her for a while until the worst of it went away, if that was the case.
‘I just... I shouldn’t have. It’s not fair to Draco.’
She couldn’t have cooled him faster if she’d poured a bucket of ice on his head.
She just had to mention Malfoy when things were finally pleasant, didn’t she?
His eagerness to please squelched, he stepped away, allowing her to get to her feet before he closed his trousers. Damn him for always forgetting that she was only half there with him. ‘Draco is off with other witches often enough, so I don’t see why you care,’ he said.
‘You don’t understand,’ she muttered and righted her clothes. ‘I love him. So I should try to be faithful at least in spirit when I can’t completely be in body.’
‘How about: it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t love you. It doesn’t make sense to stay faithful to someone who doesn’t care!’
Blaise dimly noticed that his voice was rising and he was losing his cool, but he was beyond caring. He hated feeling like this. Hated it. He wished he didn’t want her so much. With all the witches he could have, he had to want this one? Fucking priceless.
‘Then why do you?’
He blinked, blindsided. ‘What?’
‘There’s talk. You’ve been turning down every witch that has approached you lately. It’s very unlike you.’
Blaise looked down, feeling oddly bashful. ‘Yeah, well, I said I could be better than him. And I have been.’
‘I don’t want you to be.’
His eyes snapped up to meet hers.
She continued, ‘I don’t want you to be faithful to me. I don’t want that responsibility.’
He blinked, not sure how that made him feel. ‘It’s not your responsibility; it’s my choice!’
‘And there’ll soon be gossip! You’ll ruin everything for me!’
Blaise ground his teeth. ‘I’m careful, aren’t I? I don’t as much as look at you outside of this room!’
‘Something will happen and everyone will know. So please do me a favour and be yourself.’
He couldn’t believe this. He was trying to prove something to her! He was trying to show her that he would be serious about her if she’d let him and... now this?
He just didn’t understand.
‘I thought you despised the fact that I slept around.’
She shrugged, her clothes now all in order. ‘It’s kind of tacky, but it’s you.’
‘Maybe I don’t want to be tacky any more,’ he muttered.
She snorted at that. ‘You’re eternally horny, Zabini. This goes against your very nature.’
‘Right.’ He didn’t appreciate the implication that he was being controlled by his dick.
‘It’s not going to change anything. I would just consider it a personal favour if you’d stop make people guess at what’s happening with you,’ she quietly said and then she left the room.
He left only a minute later. They were far enough apart that nobody would think they were walking back together, but close enough that he could keep an eye on her gently swaying hips.
They’d almost made it back to the common room when Pansy turned a corner, almost bumping into someone. Blaise quickly recognised Tracey Davis from their year. Pretty enough. He’d snogged her once but never actually gone further than that. Last he heard, she belonged to Theo.
She looked up from where she and Pansy had been sizing each other up and brightened as she saw Blaise.
‘Zabini! Just the wizard I wanted to run into.’
‘Well, technically, I think you ran into Pansy,’ he drawled, a little confused at the girl’s exuberance at seeing him.
She affected a short laugh, making him raise an eyebrow. He noticed from the corner of his eye that Pansy was still standing at the corner, unsubtly eavesdropping.
‘Well,’ Tracey said, coyly playing with a lock of her own hair. ‘Theo is being an arse, and I was told that you’re the one to help me get back at him...’
He let his gaze slither down her form. Generous, but not too generous. Definitely had more in the chest department than Pansy, though. ‘Really,’ he murmured.
‘Are you?’ Tracey asked.
Taking on the Beta might not be such a good idea. Especially considering the problems he was going to get with the Alpha if he ever found out Blaise’s true intentions with Pansy.
He looked up at Pansy, who was still watching them, raising an eyebrow at him. Daring him to turn Tracey down.
The Alpha would never become a problem at this rate.
And this was his “nature”, wasn’t it? To be a piece of meat to be used at will.
He motioned towards the nearby empty classroom. ‘Enter my office and we’ll... talk.’
Tracey giggled and did as he asked. He looked at Pansy one last time, just in time to see that she was disappearing around the corner. Walking away.
Then he took a deep breath and joined Tracey.
***
‘Very... interesting essay, Miss Parkinson,’ the professor said, handing her essay back to her.
She unrolled it just enough to see her mark. T. Just grand.
‘Obviously, we will have to, ah, discuss the viability of you continuing the NEWTs for this course,’ he very diplomatically said before moving on.
Like she cared she was failing! It wasn’t like she was going to get a job. Still, she was so busy sending his back a death glare that she forgot to roll up the parchment.
‘How fitting!’ a rather insufferable voice said behind her. ‘I didn’t even know they used Troll these days, but if anyone deserves it, it would be you.’
It was at the very end of the class and people were already filing out. Pansy calmly stuck the parchment in her bag before she turned around to face that dreadful Mudblood bitch who they called-well, honestly, nobody she knew called her anything else. ‘Some of us don’t need good marks, Granger,’ she calmly said. ‘We’ll still be better, richer, and more influential than you’ll ever be. That has to sting.’
Except good marks were still sort of expected and Pansy would be sure to hear from her father about this. She dreaded that conversation. It would be one of many where he’d point out that she wasn’t smart, wasn’t beautiful, and should be damn grateful that at least she was pure-blood and of a decent family who would help see to it that she’d get a good lot in life.
Granger shook her head and wrinkled her stupid, stuck-up, freckled nose. ‘You really believe that, don’t you? And how are you going to achieve that? By marrying Malfoy? Doesn’t it bother you to have no independence whatsoever?’
Pansy sneered. ‘I don’t expect posing rabble like you to understand the finer workings of our society,’ she hissed, before she left.
Trust someone like Granger to not understand how desirable marriage was. How important it was to preserve the bloodlines and family fortunes. How family life was a fulltime job and a much more important career than just going to some office to shuffle around papers.
Pansy counted on giving Draco at least three children. Four if none of them were boys. And she would teach them basic things like family history and proper etiquette, whilst Draco would teach them networking and investments.
A commoner like Granger would probably think it would suffice to teach the children to read, write and do math. Maybe it would for her. But then again, her worth was measured differently, wasn’t it? She could be “independent” if she wanted to.
Some people didn’t have that luxury. So why bother to lament it?
***
Sometimes, you couldn’t wait for things to happen. Sometimes you had to make them happen. It wasn’t an issue of wanting to create conflict, really. It was more that sometimes it was better to get the conflict over with so you could move on from there.
So, really, Blaise wouldn’t really be causing Pansy any hurt. He would just be hurting her sooner rather than later, which would probably actually make it hurt less. He was saving her from any additional hurt.
At least that was what he was telling himself as he was waiting for her to show up.
She finally did. Or, rather, she was on time. It wasn’t her fault that he’d already been there an hour, trying to soothe his own frazzled nerves. Why he had nerves to begin with, he had no idea. It was stupid.
She looked around. ‘Why here?’ she asked. ‘Why not at the secret room?’
Blaise shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. ‘Nothing good ever happened in that room. Something very good happened in this office.’ Their first night together had happened here. This was where he’d made up his mind.
She blushed a little, but then frowned. ‘The things we’ve been doing... haven’t been good?’
‘There’s more to good sex than lust,’ he quietly said. ‘Much more. Things just... don’t... work for me. I just want to forget about everything else when I’m with you.’
She looked down. ‘You mean Draco.’
‘I mean everyone and everything.’
‘So why here?’
He felt a little guilty, but tried to tamp it down. ‘Because here I’m hard pressed to think about anything except the way you surrendered to me that night.’
She walked over and sat down on the sofa where he’d taken her virginity. ‘A bed would be more comfortable. We never actually had sex in the bed.’
‘I don’t care about comfort.’ He sat down next to her, putting his arm up on the backrest behind her. ‘You know what I want.’
‘Sure. Sex.’ She didn’t look at him.
He sighed. Pansy wasn’t stupid. She must know he wanted more than that. Otherwise she wouldn’t have forced him to give up his attempt to show her he could be faithful. ‘I did what you wanted me to.’
‘I know,’ she softly replied. ‘I heard. You must’ve really pleased her.’
He wanted to tell her how much he’d hated it but supposed that would cheapen the sacrifice. ‘Are you pleased with me now? Will you be nice to me tonight?’
She blinked at him. ‘What?’
‘I just... I don’t want it to end in a fight again, Pansy. Can’t it just be good, even if that is all it is?’
She smiled at him, put her hand on his thigh and kissed him.
It soothed him. Gave him that little bit of peace he craved. He cradled her face with his hand, enjoying this little bit of sweetness among all of the fucked-up mindless fucking.
She drew back. ‘What’s wrong with you tonight, Blaise?’
‘I’m just a little... just kiss me,’ he muttered, kissing her again, softly pressing her down.
He couldn’t explain how he felt. He felt dirty from doing what she wanted him to, and guilty for currently misleading her, he supposed. He definitely felt unhappy that no matter how many times he kissed or caressed her, she still didn’t want him in any way that mattered.
And he hated himself for being this torn up about some witch. All witches were whores you could buy as long as you knew their price. To let one get to you just because she preferred to go with someone better able to afford her was to lose.
But then again, he’d admitted defeat as soon as he’d touched Tracey and realised that she wasn’t going to please him in any way because he only wanted Pansy.
And he’d admitted defeat again when he hadn’t let that stop him. Because Pansy had made her wishes clear.
And now he was admitting defeat a third time as he closed his eyes and prayed that tonight would cause her to realise that she didn’t need Malfoy any more.
She was opening his shirt, but he couldn’t bring himself to undress her. He only pushed her skirt up a bit to make better room for his legs as he manoeuvred her under him.
She giggled rather out of the blue, breaking the kiss. ‘One of these days I need to be on top.’
‘I’d love that,’ he muttered. ‘I love it when you take charge.’
‘Then why did you never ask me to?’
He let his lips wander down to her neck. ‘Because you needed me to take you,’ he whispered against her skin. ‘You needed to follow my lead.’
‘Is this another part of the whole “first time you’re rubbish” thing?’ she asked, a breathless note to her voice.
‘You were never rubbish at sex. And no. You just needed it. To feel safe. I know you. It takes time for you to gain confidence.’
‘But-’ she began, but he didn’t have the patience for this discussion right now and he cut her off with a kiss.
‘Shh,’ he murmured. ‘Next time, you can be on top.’
Then he kissed her again, deeply, moving his hand up to cop a feel because he simply couldn’t refrain from doing so. He wasn’t dead, after all.
***
Pansy was wondering about the uncharacteristic gentleness on Blaise’s end. He never just wanted to snog; he always wanted to shag, one way or the other.
Snogging whilst fully dressed did feel sort of nice, though.
It felt like... caring. Something that was sorely lacking in her life right now. She hardly ever saw Draco any more. It was a bit sad that this was all she had, but it was, and she might as well get full enjoyment from it. Nobody cared what she did, anyway.
‘Oh for crying out-’ A voice exclaimed from the door. Pansy had been so absorbed, she hadn’t even heard it open.
Horrified, she pushed Blaise away and turned her head to see Draco standing there with his bag slung over his shoulder. He looked annoyed, even angry.
‘I-I can explain,’ she said, kicking at Blaise, who wasn’t moving away fast enough. ‘This is not what it looks like!’
The cold hand of fear was gripping her chest. What had she done? Caring, indeed! Blaise didn’t care about anyone but himself and she should never have let him touch her. Ever. Now she was going to lose the one thing she had in life, the one thing she wanted in life. Without Draco she was just another nobody. Where was she going to go? Her father would disown as soon as he found out that she’d ruined this match by being unfaithful.
Her heart was pounding and she began tearing at her shirt. It was too tight around the neck. She couldn’t breathe. She was going to suffocate and they were both just... looking at her, not realising that her world was crumbling around her.
‘Breathe,’ Blaise quietly said, placing a hand on her shoulder. ‘Slowly. It’s all right.’
She stared at him, her eyes big and wild. ‘You...’ she whispered. ‘You did this, didn’t you? You arranged for him to come here, to catch you taking advantage of me. You knew th-that he’d get the wrong impression.’ She edged away from him. How could she have been so stupid?
Blaise’s lips compressed. ‘What’s so wrong about that impression? You were willing!’
‘Only because you said you’d tell him if I wasn’t.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Do you really think I w-would ever...’
She would end out on the street. All alone. And since she didn’t even have good marks, she’d have no way to support herself. Except, of course, one way. Maybe that would be fitting. The cheating slut whoring for survival.
Blaise had ruined her life! And she’d let him. For what? For feeling good about herself every once in a while? Stupid. So stupid.
‘Relax, Pansy,’ Draco quietly said. ‘I already knew. But maybe this is a good opportunity to rethink matters.’
‘No!’ she jumped to her feet. ‘No, please don’t.’
He shook his head. ‘Maybe we’re just not right for each other.’
Blaise leant back and Pansy hated him for being there, for no doubt enjoying the show.
She swallowed her pride as she so often did around either of these two. ‘You’re in love with another witch, aren’t you?’
Draco’s gaze flickered. ‘I don’t see how that’s-’
‘But she’s unsuitable, isn’t she?’ Pansy interrupted. ‘If she weren’t, you would have broken up with me and officially begun seeing her. Your secrecy is very telling.’
He clenched his jaw. ‘What’s your point?’
She swallowed. This was hardly how she’d envisioned her relationship with Draco developing, but sometimes you had to make adjustments. She was adjusting. ‘It’s ok,’ she quietly said. ‘I won’t hold it against you.’
He stared at her and then shook his head. ‘I’m not giving her up.’
‘N-no, I know,’ she said, forcing herself to say the words as lightly as possible. ‘Just... don’t rub it in my face. We can still... proceed.’
‘What the fuck, Pansy!?’ Blaise growled.
Draco’s eyes went to Blaise at the exclamation, but then returned to Pansy without him revealing any great response. ‘I don’t know...’
‘You’re going to need someone suitable,’ she whispered. ‘Why not me?’
He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. ‘It’s just not fair.’
‘What’s fair in this life?’ she asked. ‘I could do a lot worse and so could you.’
Draco slowly nodded. ‘You’re right. This... is good.’ He looked unconvinced.
Pansy gave him a shaky smile. ‘It always was.’
He nodded again, then glared at Blaise. ‘I will talk to you later.’ Then he turned around and left.
Pansy heavily exhaled. She’d somehow saved it. True, the new arrangement was anything but ideal, but she still had Draco. On some level.
‘I don’t believe you!’ Blaise said from behind her, his voice cold and angry. How dare he be angry?
She swung around, pointing her finger at him. ‘You! I’m done with you!’
Blaise had the audacity to laugh. ‘No, you’re not.’
‘Did you hear your name mentioned anywhere in that conversation? No. Because you’re history! You’re nothing but some pathetic, possessive arsehole and I’ll love to see you go!’
He slowly stood, making her inwardly cringe, even though she refused to be outwardly intimidated by him. ‘Don’t be stupid, Pansy,’ he coolly said. ‘When your oh-so-perfect boyfriend said he knew about us, he meant it. He’s been giving me his permission-even his blessing-to pursue you. Except that first night. He still doesn’t know about that, and I doubt he’d be pleased to learn that he’s actually been played for a fool.’
Pansy swallowed, feeling like the rug had been pulled from under her feet. ‘He wouldn’t,’ she whispered.
‘He was happy to learn that he didn’t have to take your virginity,’ Blaise said. ‘That’s how much he loves you.’
She was feeling rather dizzy and nauseous. She needed to go lie down. ‘Yes. Well. You would deliberately humiliate me in front of the only person I love in order to further your own scheme. That’s how much you care about me. Excuse me.’ She turned on her heel and stumbled off for her dormitory.
***
‘You are dead,’ Malfoy very matter-of-factly said. They were at the library, and he was scribbling down notes while reading in a huge tome like some kind of swot.
‘Fuck you,’ Blaise replied just as calmly, sitting down across from him. ‘She’s not going anywhere and now your relationship is more honest. As far as I’m concerned, you owe me.’
‘As far as I’m concerned, you just closed one of my best ways out of the relationship,’ Malfoy growled.
‘If you wanted out, you could’ve just fucking dumped her!’ Blaise yanked some parchment from his own bag. ‘I think we both know that I’ll be there to comfort her if you do.’
‘I can’t. I’m still not sure what’s the best approach. She was right about the other witch I’m seeing. And none of this was ever your call, Zabini. Pansy was never yours. You only got to borrow her.’
Blaise snarled. ‘She’s a fucking human being! And now you get to have your cake and eat it too. I can’t believe how lucky you are.’
‘Lucky!’ Malfoy threw down his quill and scoffed. ‘Only a git like you would find it lucky to have to marry some witch you can barely stand looking at in order to be able to spend time with the one you truly want without becoming an outcast.’
‘Badmouth Pansy one more time and I’ll hex your bits off!’
‘Oh, that’s rich!’ Malfoy rolled his eyes. ‘Get over it, Zabini. She’s mine. And I’m not badmouthing her. In fact, it has very little to do with her-except, granted, I do find her neediness to be increasingly off-putting.’
‘She’s desperate because she’s in love with you and you’re pulling away from her! If you find that off-putting, you should let her go.’
Malfoy looked at Blaise for a few seconds and then a slow, unpleasant grin began forming on his face. ‘You’re in love with her!’ he exclaimed far too gleefully. ‘It must be difficult for you, knowing that she’d rather be with me, despite everything.’
Blaise didn’t respond but just glared back.
Malfoy’s grin widened. ‘I find that your death is unnecessary. It’ll be enough that you have to see her with me. Forever. And maybe I’ll even have children with both of them.’
Blaise cringed at the very thought. ‘It won’t be forever. She’ll realise her mistake soon.’
‘Will she, then?’ Malfoy coolly asked. ‘We’ll see.’
She’d better realise her mistake soon. Blaise couldn’t bear the mental image Malfoy had just planted in his head.
***
Pansy slipped into the dark and abandoned office. Nobody would think to look for her here. It would never even occur to Blaise that she might seek out the very office they had a history in to hide in it.
She could be Slytherin too.
She sat down on the sofa and summoned her handkerchief to wipe at her wet cheeks and blow her nose. This was getting old. She hated feeling this way all the time. She hated even more that she couldn’t really confide in anyone about it. She knew what they would say-either that she should get rid of Draco, or that she should just be happy and endure these little inconsequential things-and she knew exactly what side her father would be on. He’d always found her to be far too emotional about things.
But what if neither was an option for her? What if she desperately ached for Draco’s affection, if not love?
She supposed that was when she suffered all of her indignities in silence and came here to cry alone. Just a time-out before she went back to pretending she wasn’t bothered at all.
The thing was, today was different. Today hadn’t just been an indignity. Today had been one soul-crushing humiliation after another, and she just wasn’t sure how much more she could take before she broke.
Out of all the ways he could’ve disrespected her...
‘Pansy?’ It was Blaise, slowly coming into the room. ‘It is you. What are you doing here?’
Damn! She hurriedly wiped at her eyes in a vain attempt to not show the worst of it. He wasn’t supposed to be here!
His jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed. ‘What happened?’
She forced herself to smile cheerfully. ‘Hey, I know you’re cross that I didn’t come see you today, but could we perhaps do this some other time?’
His expression didn’t change. ‘What happened?’ He bit each word off.
She shrugged. ‘I told you, I didn’t see any reason to-’
‘I didn’t mean that, you twit. Why are you crying?’
‘Oh.’ Pansy looked down at the handkerchief she was tightly holding on to. ‘I’d rather not talk about it.’
He stepped closer. ‘Did he hurt you? I swear, if he hurt you...’
Pansy couldn’t help a small, sad laugh. ‘Look who’s talking.’
‘I never wanted to hurt you.’
‘But you did it just the same. And you think he’s even doing it on purpose?’ She sniffed, feeling her throat constrict once more. ‘He can’t help it.’
‘Fuck, Pansy, just tell me.’
‘Why? So you can judge me?’
‘I promise not to judge. But if you don’t tell me, I’m going to have to go thrash him within an inch of his life just on principle.’
She laughed without humour once more. ‘Don’t be stupid, Blaise.’
‘I mean it.’ He really did look like he meant it. It actually helped a little bit to know that someone at least cared this much.
Pansy shook her head. ‘It’s really quite stupid.’
‘Ok...’ He slowly walked over to sit next to her. ‘Then tell me your stupid thing, and I’ll kiss you and make it all right.’
If it were only that easy. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘I won’t tell him. Don’t you think you deserve to feel better than this?’
She smiled self-deprecatingly. ‘Maybe, maybe not. But you’re not going to want to be the one to make that happen if I tell you.’
He watched her for a minute and then quietly said, ‘Try me.’
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