Trailblazer!
I consistently make the first moves in my relationship with Alexk. After a friend pointed us in the direction of each other's FB pages, I was the one who messaged him first. I was the one who asked for his number and if he wanted to do lunch after the party we were introduced at. I was the one who called first, texted first, planned the dates first. I initiated our first kiss. I was the one who set it up so I'd be at his place after he dropped off the face of the planet and decided that we should just "be friends" so I would, AT LEAST, have sex for the first time in like a year because goddamnit I was horny and it was all his fault since I had ZERO craving until he came on the scene. I was the one who texted afterwards and asked for clarification on what we were. I was the one who said "I love you" first, THE FIRST TIME. I was the one who initiated the conversation about my saying it after it became weird. I was the one who kept tabs on our calendars so we wouldn't go too long without seeing each other because I knew that was a death-knell for any relationship. THE ONLY THING HE DID FIRST was break up with me, and contact me afterwards to ask if we could still be friends. He also asked if we could hang out one day.
I then manipulated it so I would be back at his place. I hadn't decided if I wanted to have sex with him until it started snowing and I needed to spend the night because of it's blizzardiness. He put some moves on me and I held off after I thought about it hard. We watched a movie. He put his arm around me. I wanted him so bad. We had sex.
And then we had sex again after my first day of school/PT. And then we took some time off because I was still just so into him and still really angry and I thought I'd be happy with another guy. I wasn't, not really. I wanted Alexk, but I also didn't want to tell him that. We progressed through a no-strings arrangement that became more and more relationshippy until I, first, quipped about how we're practically in a relationship as it was. Because I was no longer sleeping around (I needed to do that to keep the edge off how much I wanted him), because we spent so much time together. Because we had each other's backs in emergencies. Because we were talking openly about feelings and shit outside the context of a relationship. Because we were communicating desires and fears. Because we were fulfilling each other emotionally and mentally as well as physically.
I was the first one to initiate a conversation about "When do we start counting?" because the relationship grew so organically and I didn't want to count just from when we officially declared we were dating because 2 months seemed like such little time and we were far beyond any 2 month relationship thing and we really WERE, PRACTICALLY boyfriend/girlfriend for much longer than that.
I was the first one to broach the idea of us living together. He took it further in asking me if I'd like to move with him to another state in the summer, if it was doable.
I was the first one to say "I Love You", first. Again. Except THIS TIME it wasn't weird. This time the only meta conversation we had to have about it was why it took us so long to say it. And as usual, the answer is "Alex gets frozen, stuck in his head; Melody waits until she's 90% sure the answer is the one she wants to hear before she says anything." And since the response was so weird the last time, I waited extra long, even though we BOTH probably should of said "I Love You" when he asked me to move to PA, but we're dumb young adults like that. What am I gonna do.
Though this pattern is moderately disheartening as it means I'm the one who will propose first, most likely. I swear, if I have to do that, I'll kick him after he says yes.
THAT'S THE ONLY TIME I THINK I'D HATE BEING THE INITIATOR.
I then manipulated it so I would be back at his place. I hadn't decided if I wanted to have sex with him until it started snowing and I needed to spend the night because of it's blizzardiness. He put some moves on me and I held off after I thought about it hard. We watched a movie. He put his arm around me. I wanted him so bad. We had sex.
And then we had sex again after my first day of school/PT. And then we took some time off because I was still just so into him and still really angry and I thought I'd be happy with another guy. I wasn't, not really. I wanted Alexk, but I also didn't want to tell him that. We progressed through a no-strings arrangement that became more and more relationshippy until I, first, quipped about how we're practically in a relationship as it was. Because I was no longer sleeping around (I needed to do that to keep the edge off how much I wanted him), because we spent so much time together. Because we had each other's backs in emergencies. Because we were talking openly about feelings and shit outside the context of a relationship. Because we were communicating desires and fears. Because we were fulfilling each other emotionally and mentally as well as physically.
I was the first one to initiate a conversation about "When do we start counting?" because the relationship grew so organically and I didn't want to count just from when we officially declared we were dating because 2 months seemed like such little time and we were far beyond any 2 month relationship thing and we really WERE, PRACTICALLY boyfriend/girlfriend for much longer than that.
I was the first one to broach the idea of us living together. He took it further in asking me if I'd like to move with him to another state in the summer, if it was doable.
I was the first one to say "I Love You", first. Again. Except THIS TIME it wasn't weird. This time the only meta conversation we had to have about it was why it took us so long to say it. And as usual, the answer is "Alex gets frozen, stuck in his head; Melody waits until she's 90% sure the answer is the one she wants to hear before she says anything." And since the response was so weird the last time, I waited extra long, even though we BOTH probably should of said "I Love You" when he asked me to move to PA, but we're dumb young adults like that. What am I gonna do.
Though this pattern is moderately disheartening as it means I'm the one who will propose first, most likely. I swear, if I have to do that, I'll kick him after he says yes.
THAT'S THE ONLY TIME I THINK I'D HATE BEING THE INITIATOR.