Weddings, holidays, and family
This past weekend we were invited to the wedding of a young man that is a friend of my daughter first, her brother in law second. Which meant that my daughter was subject to her in-laws and the family and us. And we were all exposed to the bride's family. What a strange bunch of individuals the brides family is. Sullen and rude, definitely not hospitable. Never came over to introduce themselves. And I'm pretty sure they weren't even in the receiving line after the ceremony. They gave grief to the bride and groom and left the reception right after dinner.
This is the kind of stuff I don't understand. I guess because I like to believe that my children and I have a different kind of relationship. Not perfect by any means, but we know we can each depend on each other when we're needed or to help celebrate those special times in life.
I had a very odd relationship with my own mother. More of a love/hate relationship. Towards the end of her life, I did what was required of me and grieved when she died, but there is still animosity there for things she did in her life that affected me. She was a good grandmother, and treated her grandkids well... spoiled them actually. But the bond was never there with the two of us. We talked often, but only because it was expected. She was a very predjudiced person, always passing judgement on everything I did or what anyone else did, and I know I've picked up that trait from her (but I'm working on getting rid of it). She always interfered in my life, passing on her opinions (another trait I find I've picked up, but am also trying to get rid of).
I guess it's true that children learn what they live, no matter how old they are. I learned some bad habits from my mother, but at least I am aware of it and trying to stop. Occasionally I do slip up and the big mouth opens (more often than I like to admit), but my saving grace is that my kids know this about me and let it slide. Hopefully I'll learn to keep the mouth shut before I alienate my kids, and my kids will learn that people can change for the better.
I think the whole point of my ramblings is that we all do what is expected of us. Not things that we want to do, but what is expected when it comes to family. On holidays, we are all expected to be with the "family". That's fine when you're single, but once you're married......you now have two families demanding your time. And if you go to one home and not the other, you risk hurting the feelings of the one not attended. To me, I couldn't care less. I always just invite the kids, and if they're there........great. If not, that's okay too. Because I've been there. I remember what kinds of hell you can feel when your "family" comes down on you for not being "first" on the list of who to visit at Christmas, or where you opt to have Thanksgiving dinner.
My kids know that there will always be food on the table and the door always open on any holiday, and that they are always welcome and wanted.
I feel sorry for the bride. Somehow I don't think that her mother will ever accept that her daughter is grown and now has her own life to forge. And it will be her loss. While I still have ties to my children, I've accepted their adulthood. And I'm enjoying my new relationship with my husband. It's now just the two of us again. And I still talk to my kids every day, and see my granddaughter almost every day. What a gift that is. I only hope that the bride's mother realizes what she is missing before it's too late.
This is the kind of stuff I don't understand. I guess because I like to believe that my children and I have a different kind of relationship. Not perfect by any means, but we know we can each depend on each other when we're needed or to help celebrate those special times in life.
I had a very odd relationship with my own mother. More of a love/hate relationship. Towards the end of her life, I did what was required of me and grieved when she died, but there is still animosity there for things she did in her life that affected me. She was a good grandmother, and treated her grandkids well... spoiled them actually. But the bond was never there with the two of us. We talked often, but only because it was expected. She was a very predjudiced person, always passing judgement on everything I did or what anyone else did, and I know I've picked up that trait from her (but I'm working on getting rid of it). She always interfered in my life, passing on her opinions (another trait I find I've picked up, but am also trying to get rid of).
I guess it's true that children learn what they live, no matter how old they are. I learned some bad habits from my mother, but at least I am aware of it and trying to stop. Occasionally I do slip up and the big mouth opens (more often than I like to admit), but my saving grace is that my kids know this about me and let it slide. Hopefully I'll learn to keep the mouth shut before I alienate my kids, and my kids will learn that people can change for the better.
I think the whole point of my ramblings is that we all do what is expected of us. Not things that we want to do, but what is expected when it comes to family. On holidays, we are all expected to be with the "family". That's fine when you're single, but once you're married......you now have two families demanding your time. And if you go to one home and not the other, you risk hurting the feelings of the one not attended. To me, I couldn't care less. I always just invite the kids, and if they're there........great. If not, that's okay too. Because I've been there. I remember what kinds of hell you can feel when your "family" comes down on you for not being "first" on the list of who to visit at Christmas, or where you opt to have Thanksgiving dinner.
My kids know that there will always be food on the table and the door always open on any holiday, and that they are always welcome and wanted.
I feel sorry for the bride. Somehow I don't think that her mother will ever accept that her daughter is grown and now has her own life to forge. And it will be her loss. While I still have ties to my children, I've accepted their adulthood. And I'm enjoying my new relationship with my husband. It's now just the two of us again. And I still talk to my kids every day, and see my granddaughter almost every day. What a gift that is. I only hope that the bride's mother realizes what she is missing before it's too late.