Going ... Crazy or something
Augh, i feel depression closing in. STAY BACK! I have no want of you. And I feel an art crisis or something right now too. Which is weird, cuz I think I just drew something rather nice. :/ But it could all still stem from having a headache all freakin day and not being able to sleep and having not eaten in over 12 hours and blah blah blah. ( i really don't understand that part, I'm not even HUNGRY)
But its like, I wish i had an art project to stick to. As if it would all come together at the end to make something really nice. Help me feel like I can accomplish something. All my art is just this and that and here and there and nowhere, i just look at it all together and go ... what the fuck? Sure I like most of my pieces or whatever. But I don't have a technique, I've never felt like I've had a style. My OWN style. One people can look at and go oh yeah LINA totally drew that, because its completely unmistakable from anyone else. I'm missing something internally. Whether my mind to do the kind of works I want, the imagination, or the inspiration and even when i DO feel that, it turns into OK pieces, mediocre pieces, things that are similar to what I've done. I'd like to expand, but wtf would I do? I really wish I had just stuck with the part of me that drew cartoons instead of getting into the whole anime thing. Damn you Japan! Not that I don't love the style, not that I won't keep drawing it... I love it, its beautiful, there's still progress to be made even if i go that way. It's just... AUGH... i dunno. I'm stuck now, I don't know what else to say. BLAH.
Now for a different rant.
I haven't seen so many friends in so long. It's hard to find time to see them all. And I am not the one to plan things, so I don't call them, I don't invite them to hang out. I wait for them. I know this is my fault. But I hate being tugged in all directions too. I have so many wonderful friends, I wish I had all hours of the day to spend with them. But I don't and I can't and I make it hard for myself. I feel like I'm being neglectful. Like i have so much on my plate and whatever gets buried gets forgotten. But it DOESN'T. I KNOW whats there, and yet its just as easy for me to feel unmotivated about EVERYTHING. *pulls hair* I DUNNO! I DUNNO... this rant morphed into something else as well. *frustrated*
its times like this i wish i didn't miss kara so much. i miss sarah alot too lately. its hard to have best friends out of contact. Do i worry so much about thinking my friends feel unimportant because I fear it so much myself? Because I hate the thought of being forgotten? I hate that I can't do more... and I hate feeling like they're not doing more. I just want my friends, I want them back. ... Or just wish I knew what they were thinking.
None of this makes sense to me anymore, and now my head just hurts more than it did before. I wish it would stop raining here. I miss the sun.
And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
That was the hardest part
Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
But its like, I wish i had an art project to stick to. As if it would all come together at the end to make something really nice. Help me feel like I can accomplish something. All my art is just this and that and here and there and nowhere, i just look at it all together and go ... what the fuck? Sure I like most of my pieces or whatever. But I don't have a technique, I've never felt like I've had a style. My OWN style. One people can look at and go oh yeah LINA totally drew that, because its completely unmistakable from anyone else. I'm missing something internally. Whether my mind to do the kind of works I want, the imagination, or the inspiration and even when i DO feel that, it turns into OK pieces, mediocre pieces, things that are similar to what I've done. I'd like to expand, but wtf would I do? I really wish I had just stuck with the part of me that drew cartoons instead of getting into the whole anime thing. Damn you Japan! Not that I don't love the style, not that I won't keep drawing it... I love it, its beautiful, there's still progress to be made even if i go that way. It's just... AUGH... i dunno. I'm stuck now, I don't know what else to say. BLAH.
Now for a different rant.
I haven't seen so many friends in so long. It's hard to find time to see them all. And I am not the one to plan things, so I don't call them, I don't invite them to hang out. I wait for them. I know this is my fault. But I hate being tugged in all directions too. I have so many wonderful friends, I wish I had all hours of the day to spend with them. But I don't and I can't and I make it hard for myself. I feel like I'm being neglectful. Like i have so much on my plate and whatever gets buried gets forgotten. But it DOESN'T. I KNOW whats there, and yet its just as easy for me to feel unmotivated about EVERYTHING. *pulls hair* I DUNNO! I DUNNO... this rant morphed into something else as well. *frustrated*
its times like this i wish i didn't miss kara so much. i miss sarah alot too lately. its hard to have best friends out of contact. Do i worry so much about thinking my friends feel unimportant because I fear it so much myself? Because I hate the thought of being forgotten? I hate that I can't do more... and I hate feeling like they're not doing more. I just want my friends, I want them back. ... Or just wish I knew what they were thinking.
None of this makes sense to me anymore, and now my head just hurts more than it did before. I wish it would stop raining here. I miss the sun.
And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
That was the hardest part
Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do just comes undone
And everything is torn apart