Early Afternoon Musings
I woke up this morning in a childish mood. I am often plagued by thoughts of being rejected by my peers and the Universe. This morning these thoughts tried to be out of control. I would not let them, reminding myself "this is just a biological manifestation of a brain disorder, that's all. These thoughts aren't true the Universe has not permanently rejected you." And so the battle began at 7:00 a.m. And some people wonder why I can't hold down a job, even part-time. Well welcome to my world. I fight, and I fight, and I fight; literally for my sanity, and the battle rages on, some days better, some days not at all, and some days worse. I can't stop the battle but I can control how fierce it becomes, and how long it lasts. Today I called a friend, and within short-order I was above water and no longer drowning in fear and feelings of abandonment. So then it was off to the store for the mundane task of grocery shopping. And so life goes on in the midst of insanity. The clouds part and briefly I can see again and catch my breath before the next onslaught begins.