This is a silly thing to write a post about…..
With all the other things going on in my life you would not think this would not bother me, but for some reason right now it is.
Ok. So I saw this personal add on polypersonals, Co lives here in Atlanta, had lots of common interests with me, I read Cos journal a bit, and I like what I read. I figured I would reach out, maybe make a friend.
(I am using gender neutral pronouns, for two reasons, one I have been meaning to research gender neutral pronouns and use them more in my writing, and two, as the person I am speaking of is transgender I figured this would be as good of time as any)
So we make plans to meet up, co reschedules. Ok, cool. That works, we make plans for another time. These plans are canceled as well. I wait a bit, and then e-mail. I never hear back. From time to time I see co on goggle chat. I always have this urge to ping, and say “why?”
We only e-mailed a few times, so it could not have been that I was rude or offensive. I am sure I would have offended co, ( Ok. Co is not working out for me. This is stupid. Change to a new gender neutral. Spivak. ) given enough time I can offend anyone. But the point is, I don’t think I did. So why?
These are the idea’s I have come up with:
I am a female. Just a plan Jane female in the eyes of the society in which I live. I don’t really hold with the concept of gender, I think there is no such thing as a total feminine or masculine person, just like there is no such thing as 100% straight, or 100% white. These things are all spectrum things. I more closely fit the label “female” then “male” or “queer”. If that is the case, then that makes me sad, it sucks to be tuned away as a friend because of my sex.
Bug in a box. Maybe Ey thought I was just wanting to meet up to explore. Ask questions. Why are you like this? Why did you do that? Are you happy?
Three points on that
One I have a friend who I already bothered with many of these questions. I never once in my emails with the poly personals person did I bring up my transgender friend. Several reasons for that, one-I did not think it was relevant. I wanted to meet em because ey sounded cool, if I brought up my FTM friend, I would have had to bring up all other friends that might have had something in common with em. Oh, my friend J went to the same school as you, and my nephew is interested in that field of study, and this friend likes to quilt. I did not want to assume on which point ey self identified. Maybe being transgender is the biggest label right now. Maybe not, maybe politics are, or religion, or education. Until I know someone it is not my job to put their labels in order. (once I know you, I will feel free to do this, if I want. Sorry)
Two my friend who is Transgender is wonderful and great. But to say “hey, I know where you are coming from, I have a transgender friend” sounds way to much like those people who can’t be raciest “because they have a black friend”.
Three, not my label to give out. My friend is not running around telling everyone he meets so out of respect I can’t go telling people either. If they knew each other when my friend used to live here, that would be one thing. I could just mention him (I stopped using the gender neutral, as I in my mind I see you as mostly male, If you are reading this, just so you know why you are not getting the spiffy pronouns). But they don’t know each other, and I did not want to make friends based upon having interesting friends myself. I wanted to make friends based me being interesting.
Maybe low self esteem. Maybe ey, thought I would not like em. I wonder if I would have. On the one hand, I find just brushing someone off like that to be very rude. But I don’t know why ey did, so I can’t make a value judgment. Ok, I did make a value judgment, but I am not going to share it.
Or maybe I am just writing this post so I can use the above user pic, which is great, and I almost never use.
Ok. So I saw this personal add on polypersonals, Co lives here in Atlanta, had lots of common interests with me, I read Cos journal a bit, and I like what I read. I figured I would reach out, maybe make a friend.
(I am using gender neutral pronouns, for two reasons, one I have been meaning to research gender neutral pronouns and use them more in my writing, and two, as the person I am speaking of is transgender I figured this would be as good of time as any)
So we make plans to meet up, co reschedules. Ok, cool. That works, we make plans for another time. These plans are canceled as well. I wait a bit, and then e-mail. I never hear back. From time to time I see co on goggle chat. I always have this urge to ping, and say “why?”
We only e-mailed a few times, so it could not have been that I was rude or offensive. I am sure I would have offended co, ( Ok. Co is not working out for me. This is stupid. Change to a new gender neutral. Spivak. ) given enough time I can offend anyone. But the point is, I don’t think I did. So why?
These are the idea’s I have come up with:
I am a female. Just a plan Jane female in the eyes of the society in which I live. I don’t really hold with the concept of gender, I think there is no such thing as a total feminine or masculine person, just like there is no such thing as 100% straight, or 100% white. These things are all spectrum things. I more closely fit the label “female” then “male” or “queer”. If that is the case, then that makes me sad, it sucks to be tuned away as a friend because of my sex.
Bug in a box. Maybe Ey thought I was just wanting to meet up to explore. Ask questions. Why are you like this? Why did you do that? Are you happy?
Three points on that
One I have a friend who I already bothered with many of these questions. I never once in my emails with the poly personals person did I bring up my transgender friend. Several reasons for that, one-I did not think it was relevant. I wanted to meet em because ey sounded cool, if I brought up my FTM friend, I would have had to bring up all other friends that might have had something in common with em. Oh, my friend J went to the same school as you, and my nephew is interested in that field of study, and this friend likes to quilt. I did not want to assume on which point ey self identified. Maybe being transgender is the biggest label right now. Maybe not, maybe politics are, or religion, or education. Until I know someone it is not my job to put their labels in order. (once I know you, I will feel free to do this, if I want. Sorry)
Two my friend who is Transgender is wonderful and great. But to say “hey, I know where you are coming from, I have a transgender friend” sounds way to much like those people who can’t be raciest “because they have a black friend”.
Three, not my label to give out. My friend is not running around telling everyone he meets so out of respect I can’t go telling people either. If they knew each other when my friend used to live here, that would be one thing. I could just mention him (I stopped using the gender neutral, as I in my mind I see you as mostly male, If you are reading this, just so you know why you are not getting the spiffy pronouns). But they don’t know each other, and I did not want to make friends based upon having interesting friends myself. I wanted to make friends based me being interesting.
Maybe low self esteem. Maybe ey, thought I would not like em. I wonder if I would have. On the one hand, I find just brushing someone off like that to be very rude. But I don’t know why ey did, so I can’t make a value judgment. Ok, I did make a value judgment, but I am not going to share it.
Or maybe I am just writing this post so I can use the above user pic, which is great, and I almost never use.