Now you've got something to die for
I'll write about the good parts of my night tomorrow. For now I need to rant and rave...
I'll sit here and wait a second for all the sighs and "I told you so"s to get out of the way before I begin..... You done yet? Good cause I need the love not the anger.
Moron. That's what I am. A complete FUCKING MORON!!! I'm not mad at him. He's just being who he is, and that just happens to be a shallow wretch. I learned tonight when you don't want to verify the truth, don't talk to people because it always has a way of coming out. Just through casual conversation I found out I'm not the only one he's "seeing", and haven't been for quite some time. Gotta love how he pushes away the labels to save his own ass. Smart really when you think about it. He knows how to play the game and he plays it well, I just wished he played it on someone else. I was ready to give him my life, to give him the fucking world and this is how I get repaid for that kind of love and loyalty. I really REALLY should have known better.
I believe in second, third and apparently millionth chances... but never again. And I honestly mean it this time. There is a line, and he crossed it by about a mile. I'm done. I'm honestly done. I told this to a friend and he said "No you're not. You're just too nice to him." Absolutely right. FAR too nice. I hope when all is said and done he looks in the mirror and realizes he lost the best damn thing that's ever happened to him. Not to offend the other involved, I love her more than anything, I really honestly do, but I'm sure she's thinking the same thing right now. But between a long time childhood friend and some dude, the choice is obvious. And with solid proof I can't turn the blind eye anymore. He knew exactly what to say to get what he wanted out of me, and he got it, more than I'd ever like to admit. I turned around and looked the other way for every other one. I hoped it would be different with me. We all hope it'll be different than the time before, it's human nature to be hopeful. But now as my hope and faith in all things good and beautiful comes crashing down around me, I can't help but feel weak, helpless, and completely stupid.
I cried all the way home. I yelled and screamed and punched my steering wheel.... my hand hurts. I can't believe I could be so naive. Blind hope, blind faith, and a blind heart does nothing but get you in trouble. I am reaffirming that I have far too much faith in the good of people. I am far too willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and another chance.
I'm tired of being broken. I'm tired of hurting like this. I feel crushed and utterly demolished. Like a wrecking ball was just taken to the inside of my skull. I'm tired of being the "good" one or the "nice" one that gets walked all over and completely fucked all the time. Hit me, pinch me, cut me, kill me, just do anything you want, anything at all, I just don't want to feel THIS anymore....
I'll sit here and wait a second for all the sighs and "I told you so"s to get out of the way before I begin..... You done yet? Good cause I need the love not the anger.
Moron. That's what I am. A complete FUCKING MORON!!! I'm not mad at him. He's just being who he is, and that just happens to be a shallow wretch. I learned tonight when you don't want to verify the truth, don't talk to people because it always has a way of coming out. Just through casual conversation I found out I'm not the only one he's "seeing", and haven't been for quite some time. Gotta love how he pushes away the labels to save his own ass. Smart really when you think about it. He knows how to play the game and he plays it well, I just wished he played it on someone else. I was ready to give him my life, to give him the fucking world and this is how I get repaid for that kind of love and loyalty. I really REALLY should have known better.
I believe in second, third and apparently millionth chances... but never again. And I honestly mean it this time. There is a line, and he crossed it by about a mile. I'm done. I'm honestly done. I told this to a friend and he said "No you're not. You're just too nice to him." Absolutely right. FAR too nice. I hope when all is said and done he looks in the mirror and realizes he lost the best damn thing that's ever happened to him. Not to offend the other involved, I love her more than anything, I really honestly do, but I'm sure she's thinking the same thing right now. But between a long time childhood friend and some dude, the choice is obvious. And with solid proof I can't turn the blind eye anymore. He knew exactly what to say to get what he wanted out of me, and he got it, more than I'd ever like to admit. I turned around and looked the other way for every other one. I hoped it would be different with me. We all hope it'll be different than the time before, it's human nature to be hopeful. But now as my hope and faith in all things good and beautiful comes crashing down around me, I can't help but feel weak, helpless, and completely stupid.
I cried all the way home. I yelled and screamed and punched my steering wheel.... my hand hurts. I can't believe I could be so naive. Blind hope, blind faith, and a blind heart does nothing but get you in trouble. I am reaffirming that I have far too much faith in the good of people. I am far too willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and another chance.
I'm tired of being broken. I'm tired of hurting like this. I feel crushed and utterly demolished. Like a wrecking ball was just taken to the inside of my skull. I'm tired of being the "good" one or the "nice" one that gets walked all over and completely fucked all the time. Hit me, pinch me, cut me, kill me, just do anything you want, anything at all, I just don't want to feel THIS anymore....