(no subject)
well, apparently i'm a bad mother because here i am again, whining in my blog instead of doing something constructive like figuring out how to put my kid to sleep without having to resort to hitting him over the head.
though it is far too late for naptime.
(and far too early for bedtime)
tony's death is harder on me than i first thought, especially when i laid on a fine bit of guilt all over it...and because i am preoccupied with this, i am not giving my son my full attention (as he pushes his large ball towards the looming staircase and drinks from cups of unknown contents and bodyslams the cat...)
i want to escape, quite badly, from this mess. trust me, it's horrible. i should be doing something about it, but i can't clean for more than a minute at a time before i have to figure out where miles went and what kind of trouble he's about to get into.
having my parents over is not the answer. they make me increasingly uncomfortable for unknown reasons, and i fear that my lack of memories has something to do with it...
but i didn't want to take another travel assignment because i have some foolish notion about "home", and wanting to be there...but ....this is not the "home" i envisioned.
also, i am planning to take massage therapy courses come august...but now...is this what i really want??
if i have my bodyworker license, then i can have my own business, then i wouldn't need to find a place to be a PTA at...and my PTA skills wouldn't fall to disuse...
and i could work in my whole dream study/healing aspect into my therapy...
and there are job openings in duluth ...and everywhere... for massage therapists.
but now there's this whole new dimension of... financial advisor? because one: money
(pay off debts! not live paycheck to paycheck! be able to feed my family! be able to expand my family! ---if that's what i really want??, being a bad mom and all)
and two: i really like this company's approach to personalized mentoring of the client to find what they really want to save for, and motivate them to go for it...
three: by on the job training, i will be able to fix my own financial problems, set up my own portfolio, manage my money with suaveness....and i will have money to manage. win win.
Amanda, holistic healer for body/soul/mind/and money!!!
yay, me. except.... it's too many directions, i'm getting scattered into the wind.
what i need to do right now is find: swim diaper, swim trunks, sunscreen. Bathe: baby & self. Put on: clothes, me, clothes, baby, happy face and pretend everything is going swimmingly.
suggestions welcome. unsolicited advice welcome (though that makes it solicited.)
any sort of wake up call or proverbial hit over the head welcome.
though it is far too late for naptime.
(and far too early for bedtime)
tony's death is harder on me than i first thought, especially when i laid on a fine bit of guilt all over it...and because i am preoccupied with this, i am not giving my son my full attention (as he pushes his large ball towards the looming staircase and drinks from cups of unknown contents and bodyslams the cat...)
i want to escape, quite badly, from this mess. trust me, it's horrible. i should be doing something about it, but i can't clean for more than a minute at a time before i have to figure out where miles went and what kind of trouble he's about to get into.
having my parents over is not the answer. they make me increasingly uncomfortable for unknown reasons, and i fear that my lack of memories has something to do with it...
but i didn't want to take another travel assignment because i have some foolish notion about "home", and wanting to be there...but ....this is not the "home" i envisioned.
also, i am planning to take massage therapy courses come august...but now...is this what i really want??
if i have my bodyworker license, then i can have my own business, then i wouldn't need to find a place to be a PTA at...and my PTA skills wouldn't fall to disuse...
and i could work in my whole dream study/healing aspect into my therapy...
and there are job openings in duluth ...and everywhere... for massage therapists.
but now there's this whole new dimension of... financial advisor? because one: money
(pay off debts! not live paycheck to paycheck! be able to feed my family! be able to expand my family! ---if that's what i really want??, being a bad mom and all)
and two: i really like this company's approach to personalized mentoring of the client to find what they really want to save for, and motivate them to go for it...
three: by on the job training, i will be able to fix my own financial problems, set up my own portfolio, manage my money with suaveness....and i will have money to manage. win win.
Amanda, holistic healer for body/soul/mind/and money!!!
yay, me. except.... it's too many directions, i'm getting scattered into the wind.
what i need to do right now is find: swim diaper, swim trunks, sunscreen. Bathe: baby & self. Put on: clothes, me, clothes, baby, happy face and pretend everything is going swimmingly.
suggestions welcome. unsolicited advice welcome (though that makes it solicited.)
any sort of wake up call or proverbial hit over the head welcome.