Why can't people just be nice to each other?
Today is an awful day. I cannot believe this is the country I live in. I can't even look at or think about it and I know that is my priveledge and I am grateful for it. I am not going to talk about it because I just can't.
But I will talk about other things because I need to do that for my personal well-being.
Last night I was looking at my entries from birthdays past and then today I was looking at my first entries, which seem to veer back and forth between unnecessarily cheerful and completely morose (and a lot of them are silly because I was just so invested in the dramatic lives of a bunch of RPing teens, so that's kind of just the nature of the beast). And I went to work today because NIMH is coming and MF really wants all the data entry done before they get here (spoiler alert: not going to happen). I've been noticing people telling me how patient and optimistic and things I am and I'm just kind of over it. Maybe you all just impatient, pessimistic folks, okay? These aren't positive qualities really, they're survival skills and I'm sick of being applauded for them. Tina, that one time: "You're so diplomatic." Sure, yeah, or you're an asshole and can't be bothered to act like a human being should.
And I probably broke my toe(s) when I went out two weeks ago with KC. They still hurt and I think at this point I probably should go to the doctor, but what are they even going to tell me except to wait it out. Maybe give me a x-ray, but all that will do is tell me if I've actually got a fracture or not. It won't actually heal them.
I don't know how not to feel like this. I hate it. I hate feeling helpless and I hate not helping.
But I will talk about other things because I need to do that for my personal well-being.
Last night I was looking at my entries from birthdays past and then today I was looking at my first entries, which seem to veer back and forth between unnecessarily cheerful and completely morose (and a lot of them are silly because I was just so invested in the dramatic lives of a bunch of RPing teens, so that's kind of just the nature of the beast). And I went to work today because NIMH is coming and MF really wants all the data entry done before they get here (spoiler alert: not going to happen). I've been noticing people telling me how patient and optimistic and things I am and I'm just kind of over it. Maybe you all just impatient, pessimistic folks, okay? These aren't positive qualities really, they're survival skills and I'm sick of being applauded for them. Tina, that one time: "You're so diplomatic." Sure, yeah, or you're an asshole and can't be bothered to act like a human being should.
And I probably broke my toe(s) when I went out two weeks ago with KC. They still hurt and I think at this point I probably should go to the doctor, but what are they even going to tell me except to wait it out. Maybe give me a x-ray, but all that will do is tell me if I've actually got a fracture or not. It won't actually heal them.
I don't know how not to feel like this. I hate it. I hate feeling helpless and I hate not helping.