I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all.
Oh, Friday night, you absurd son of a bitch. Everyone is gone tonight and I don't know what to do. I'm tired of doing nothing but playing video games all day, which is a ridiculous concept, but nonetheless entirely true. I'd actually like to find a second job, which is also ridiculous, but my apathy and the complete lack of a job market in this infernal city really isn't letting me do much about it.
I've gotten myself into sort of a mental pickle about the fact that I'm not going to enjoy any sort of career path I choose vs. the fact that I'm tired of being a completely inactive mope. I also realized that I just generally do so much less of anything useful when I'm in a relationship. There's so much time I could be spending learning all sorts of programs or making stuff I want to make or just sewing buttons back onto jackets I've needed to sew on for over a year now. I don't do anything, I hate it, but I just feel in the moment that I don't want to do anything, so I don't. My inner voice is a real moron.
Moving in the springtime once shit starts warming up. I was looking at jobs, but I have no idea what the fuck I'd actually be interested in doing. I'm not good enough at design programs to legitimize getting a job in it, aside from the fact that I'm both terrible at, and find the whole idea of "selling myself" horribly degrading/infuriating.
I'm also really weirded out by the age of 25. I don't know why. I guess I thought I was going to "make more" of myself or some pre-programmed bullshit like that by now. I also fear aging. I do not know why. I do know why. I fear adult life and I am subconsciously trying to sabotage any chance of obtaining it. There. Answered my own stupid question. That and life and most things in it have turned out to be extremely anti-climatic.
Other Things:
-The roaches are after me.
-Chicago realized I owe them $100 in parking tickets. I am out $100. Assholes.
-Futons never result in a full night's sleep. Or a back that doesn't seem like it's going to break into pieces every morning.
-I really want to make tacos tonight but the only thing I have to put in them are black beans and I don't think I'm really up to having any more fiber in my life.
-My OB-GYN seriously had a flyer posted on the reception window suggesting that everyone "like" them on Facebook. Seriously world? Is this what it's come to?
I've gotten myself into sort of a mental pickle about the fact that I'm not going to enjoy any sort of career path I choose vs. the fact that I'm tired of being a completely inactive mope. I also realized that I just generally do so much less of anything useful when I'm in a relationship. There's so much time I could be spending learning all sorts of programs or making stuff I want to make or just sewing buttons back onto jackets I've needed to sew on for over a year now. I don't do anything, I hate it, but I just feel in the moment that I don't want to do anything, so I don't. My inner voice is a real moron.
Moving in the springtime once shit starts warming up. I was looking at jobs, but I have no idea what the fuck I'd actually be interested in doing. I'm not good enough at design programs to legitimize getting a job in it, aside from the fact that I'm both terrible at, and find the whole idea of "selling myself" horribly degrading/infuriating.
I'm also really weirded out by the age of 25. I don't know why. I guess I thought I was going to "make more" of myself or some pre-programmed bullshit like that by now. I also fear aging. I do not know why. I do know why. I fear adult life and I am subconsciously trying to sabotage any chance of obtaining it. There. Answered my own stupid question. That and life and most things in it have turned out to be extremely anti-climatic.
Other Things:
-The roaches are after me.
-Chicago realized I owe them $100 in parking tickets. I am out $100. Assholes.
-Futons never result in a full night's sleep. Or a back that doesn't seem like it's going to break into pieces every morning.
-I really want to make tacos tonight but the only thing I have to put in them are black beans and I don't think I'm really up to having any more fiber in my life.
-My OB-GYN seriously had a flyer posted on the reception window suggesting that everyone "like" them on Facebook. Seriously world? Is this what it's come to?