(no subject)
The Miracle Of The JOE MONTANA
JEFF hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it LIKER DSKGJHSKGHL.. He loathed it.
Every December, JEFF would feel himself getting all FUCKING inside. He refused to put up a Christmas ASS, he snapped at anyone FUCKING enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, JEFF had to go to the mall to buy a FUCKING ASS. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing SHITILY around and so much Christmas music blaring SHITILY, he thought his ASS would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a FUCKING man collecting for charity. JEFF never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the FUCKING man dropped his bells and ran IN A BEAKER. There was a FUCKING JOE MONTANA right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the FUCKING man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
JEFF rushed out and SHITILY pushed them both out of the way. There was a FUCKING bang and then everything went dark.
When JEFF woke up, he was in a FUCKING room. There was a Christmas ASS in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, JEFF's ASS hurt. A lot.
The FUCKING man came into the room. "I'm so FUCKING!" he said. "You're awake. My name is TONY. You saved me from the truck. But your ASS is broken."
JEFF hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas ASS up and his ASS was broken, he felt quite FUCKING, especially when he looked at TONY.
"Your ASS must hurt SHITILY," TONY said. "I think this will help." And he FUCKED JEFF several times.
Now JEFF felt very FUCKING indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved TONY. "I love you," he said, and kissed TONY SHITILY.
"I love you too," said TONY. Just then, the JOE MONTANA ran into the room and nuzzled JEFF's ASS. "I brought him home with us," TONY said.
"We'll call him Miracle," JEFF said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.