The Great Adventure Begins Today....
I have so many emotions running through me right now. Fear and exhaustion being the ones on
my mainstage. I'm leaving California in less than three hours. Yes, I'll come back and visit,
but I'm leaving home. As much as I used to hate it here, it is now home to me. It is home to
me not because of the familiarity, but because of the people here that I love and love me. I
never thought in my wildest dreams I would feel a twinge leaving here, but I do. I've grown,
cried, struggled, and hurt more in the last four months than some people will in the next decade.
I've travelled like a crazy woman with a terminal illness and I've lived La Vie en Rose. I'm
leaving for an unsure future in an unsure place. Normally I would be excited, but right now
I can't help but think of what's undone here. Especially between me and my parents. I kept
vowing the entire year and a half that I lived with them that I was going to devote more time
to them; and I never did. Even now, I'm in my room preparing, packing, and working on my
computer before I have to dismantle the beast. I'm so excited about seeing my brother and being
able to spend time with him, but scared because he's thinking about leaving his wife or
getting someone on the side. It's strange being the responsible one when I'm so much younger
than him. He looks up to me now, and it's strange. I want to talk to him in person more
about it...instead of having to call me from the road just to talk to me about his problems.
I don't endorse adultury or divorce (unless it's really extreme) but she treats him so fucking
badly. He's been miserable his entire married life. He's been married since he was 19 - he'll
be 30 this year. His first wife repeatedly cheated on him/left him. He kept trying to work it
out with her because they had a son together (which he was later forced to give up rights to),
but then he finally left her when he found out she was being literally "passed" around his
barracks. How lovely. Then he met Kim, his second wife. She was coming out of an extremely
abusive marriage with two young daughters. They dated, but Nick made a stupid mistake. When
he went to visit his son he wound up cheating on Kim with Cary (his first wife). She later told
Nick she was pregnant and that it was his. Even though the child is not his (we're all sure
of that) he took responsibility for her so he could divorce Cary quicker, so that he could
marry his second wife, Kim. Everything was fine until they moved in together. Then she became
uber control freak. Not only that but she seems to feel the need to constatly tease him. But
many times her teasing becomes really ruthless. It hurts him. Plus, any authority he has with
the girls she over rides whenever it suits her. she never lets him do anything (go out, etc.)
Plus she is the neighborhood babysitter. She is always taking care of everyone else's kids! So
they never get alone time either. It's been this way for six years, and he has talked to her
about all these things repeatedly. She'll improve for a week, then digress. He's so fucking
unhappy all the time. I just want to help him, but I know it's not my fight. I want him to be
happy, I really do. But I want him to also not make the same mistakes. I don't know what to
tell him. Plus, with my impending wedding vows it doesn't exactly give me a positive outlook
on marriage. Yes, Jason loves me to death and is uber devoted...right now. But later, is
a different story. I can just envision the 7 Year Itch creeping up on him. Hell, I suppose it
already did (Xtine). But I can't shake the feeling of impending doom. I'm hoping I'm just being
paranoid. Because I do love him and want to be with him. I just don't want to end up in
divorce court shaking my head and saying "I knew this would happen." But I have enough faith
in him and us to try. At least I won't be completely alone on the road. I'll have Sancho,
and he has grown into a wonderful little dog. I'm still secretly hoping he'll get German
Shepard sized, but I'll take what I can get. I'm also still debating on whether to drop in on
Jason or to go straight through to SC. It would probably be much better to go straight
though (money/time wise), but I'm dying to see him. Though it wouldn't help much. I'd have to
leave him that same day. So I'm not sure if there's much of a point in it. I still need to
find a judge to override that damned 72 hour waiting period too. Fuck. C'est la vie. I'll
have to worry about the little shit later. I'll miss you all. I'll write from SC.
Goodbye California,
Kitty
my mainstage. I'm leaving California in less than three hours. Yes, I'll come back and visit,
but I'm leaving home. As much as I used to hate it here, it is now home to me. It is home to
me not because of the familiarity, but because of the people here that I love and love me. I
never thought in my wildest dreams I would feel a twinge leaving here, but I do. I've grown,
cried, struggled, and hurt more in the last four months than some people will in the next decade.
I've travelled like a crazy woman with a terminal illness and I've lived La Vie en Rose. I'm
leaving for an unsure future in an unsure place. Normally I would be excited, but right now
I can't help but think of what's undone here. Especially between me and my parents. I kept
vowing the entire year and a half that I lived with them that I was going to devote more time
to them; and I never did. Even now, I'm in my room preparing, packing, and working on my
computer before I have to dismantle the beast. I'm so excited about seeing my brother and being
able to spend time with him, but scared because he's thinking about leaving his wife or
getting someone on the side. It's strange being the responsible one when I'm so much younger
than him. He looks up to me now, and it's strange. I want to talk to him in person more
about it...instead of having to call me from the road just to talk to me about his problems.
I don't endorse adultury or divorce (unless it's really extreme) but she treats him so fucking
badly. He's been miserable his entire married life. He's been married since he was 19 - he'll
be 30 this year. His first wife repeatedly cheated on him/left him. He kept trying to work it
out with her because they had a son together (which he was later forced to give up rights to),
but then he finally left her when he found out she was being literally "passed" around his
barracks. How lovely. Then he met Kim, his second wife. She was coming out of an extremely
abusive marriage with two young daughters. They dated, but Nick made a stupid mistake. When
he went to visit his son he wound up cheating on Kim with Cary (his first wife). She later told
Nick she was pregnant and that it was his. Even though the child is not his (we're all sure
of that) he took responsibility for her so he could divorce Cary quicker, so that he could
marry his second wife, Kim. Everything was fine until they moved in together. Then she became
uber control freak. Not only that but she seems to feel the need to constatly tease him. But
many times her teasing becomes really ruthless. It hurts him. Plus, any authority he has with
the girls she over rides whenever it suits her. she never lets him do anything (go out, etc.)
Plus she is the neighborhood babysitter. She is always taking care of everyone else's kids! So
they never get alone time either. It's been this way for six years, and he has talked to her
about all these things repeatedly. She'll improve for a week, then digress. He's so fucking
unhappy all the time. I just want to help him, but I know it's not my fight. I want him to be
happy, I really do. But I want him to also not make the same mistakes. I don't know what to
tell him. Plus, with my impending wedding vows it doesn't exactly give me a positive outlook
on marriage. Yes, Jason loves me to death and is uber devoted...right now. But later, is
a different story. I can just envision the 7 Year Itch creeping up on him. Hell, I suppose it
already did (Xtine). But I can't shake the feeling of impending doom. I'm hoping I'm just being
paranoid. Because I do love him and want to be with him. I just don't want to end up in
divorce court shaking my head and saying "I knew this would happen." But I have enough faith
in him and us to try. At least I won't be completely alone on the road. I'll have Sancho,
and he has grown into a wonderful little dog. I'm still secretly hoping he'll get German
Shepard sized, but I'll take what I can get. I'm also still debating on whether to drop in on
Jason or to go straight through to SC. It would probably be much better to go straight
though (money/time wise), but I'm dying to see him. Though it wouldn't help much. I'd have to
leave him that same day. So I'm not sure if there's much of a point in it. I still need to
find a judge to override that damned 72 hour waiting period too. Fuck. C'est la vie. I'll
have to worry about the little shit later. I'll miss you all. I'll write from SC.
Goodbye California,
Kitty