the ugly truth will set you free
I'm not free, but I know I could be
I have to stop pretending, and finally acknowledge that I will only be happy - truly happy - when I'm thin
I'm slowly but steadily returning to LJ, but I won't be fully active again til I lose the weight I've gained from being in college
Gaining all this weight has, literally, been my worst nightmare...
And no matter how hard I wish I could wake up - wishing it were all a bad dream - I can't, because the weight is still there
I can't even begin to describe the hell I'm experiencing right now...
The prospect of going back home over the holidays and having my relatives and family friends see that I've gained weight scares the shit out of me... I've even given serious thought to ending my life to avoid this
But then I realized I don't want to die fat... my ED voice is back in my head... my one true source of comfort - she is the voice of reason, and she's telling me:
"give yourself to me once again and you will be free"
I'm answering her call
Fasting is the only thing that can control my purging (which is now out of control)
I *must* reach my goal weight by my birthday - I can't live my life as a fatass any longer
~Laura
I have to stop pretending, and finally acknowledge that I will only be happy - truly happy - when I'm thin
I'm slowly but steadily returning to LJ, but I won't be fully active again til I lose the weight I've gained from being in college
Gaining all this weight has, literally, been my worst nightmare...
And no matter how hard I wish I could wake up - wishing it were all a bad dream - I can't, because the weight is still there
I can't even begin to describe the hell I'm experiencing right now...
The prospect of going back home over the holidays and having my relatives and family friends see that I've gained weight scares the shit out of me... I've even given serious thought to ending my life to avoid this
But then I realized I don't want to die fat... my ED voice is back in my head... my one true source of comfort - she is the voice of reason, and she's telling me:
"give yourself to me once again and you will be free"
I'm answering her call
Fasting is the only thing that can control my purging (which is now out of control)
I *must* reach my goal weight by my birthday - I can't live my life as a fatass any longer
~Laura