....what happens now.....
So I dont really use this blog ever, but I feel like ranting and figured Id post something just for the hell of it
but no one really need read it or be concerned with it......unless you have advice xP
You cant ever just be happy with what you have, you always seem to want more...or at least I do.
Ive been single for a year and a half now...and Im starting to wonder what the hell is wrong with me *sigh*
Ive only ever had two meaningful relationships which ended badly for whatever reasons...and
even that was really my fault.
After my last real relationship I have been in a sort of rut that no matter what I do I cant really seem to get out of.
Im almost 20 years old, and that frightens me a little...Im too old to be crushing on people and
worried about petty things like being single. I should be focused on real issues like school and a career, yet I find
myself seriously interested in a guy that I wont ever be able to have. Whats worse is Im too much of a pansy to actually
tell him Im interested because I already feel that I know the outcome.
To make my life even worse, I have no real friends. That quintessential person every girl is supposed to have
that they can talk to about everything...yeah I dont have that. I dont even have the type of people in my life that enjoy
my company or who want to just hang out. Im always the "last minute" friend, you know the person you call
when you have absolutely nothing else to do with your weekend. I feel like I have failed at life. I shouldnt be alone
I should have a boyfriend who at this point Im getting serious with and a ton of chick friends to hang out with and
talk to about my problems.
I dont know I think somewhere along the lines it has all gone drastically wrong, I screwed something up,
made the wrong choice. I try and tell myself I have no regrets in life, bu I think thats only because I dont know
exactly where it is that it went wrong. I see all of these other people with great friends they can talk to, loving boyfreinds
who would give them the world, families that are in their lives day to day and yet they take all this for granted and dont even
realize that they have it. Im so envious of these people it sickens me.
*sigh* maybe Ill get it right one day...or maybe I wont and Ill be alone and friendless for the rest of my life....
god thats a seriously depressing thought.
(end rant)
at least I have my vices to keep me somewhat distracted from all the shit.....
but no one really need read it or be concerned with it......unless you have advice xP
You cant ever just be happy with what you have, you always seem to want more...or at least I do.
Ive been single for a year and a half now...and Im starting to wonder what the hell is wrong with me *sigh*
Ive only ever had two meaningful relationships which ended badly for whatever reasons...and
even that was really my fault.
After my last real relationship I have been in a sort of rut that no matter what I do I cant really seem to get out of.
Im almost 20 years old, and that frightens me a little...Im too old to be crushing on people and
worried about petty things like being single. I should be focused on real issues like school and a career, yet I find
myself seriously interested in a guy that I wont ever be able to have. Whats worse is Im too much of a pansy to actually
tell him Im interested because I already feel that I know the outcome.
To make my life even worse, I have no real friends. That quintessential person every girl is supposed to have
that they can talk to about everything...yeah I dont have that. I dont even have the type of people in my life that enjoy
my company or who want to just hang out. Im always the "last minute" friend, you know the person you call
when you have absolutely nothing else to do with your weekend. I feel like I have failed at life. I shouldnt be alone
I should have a boyfriend who at this point Im getting serious with and a ton of chick friends to hang out with and
talk to about my problems.
I dont know I think somewhere along the lines it has all gone drastically wrong, I screwed something up,
made the wrong choice. I try and tell myself I have no regrets in life, bu I think thats only because I dont know
exactly where it is that it went wrong. I see all of these other people with great friends they can talk to, loving boyfreinds
who would give them the world, families that are in their lives day to day and yet they take all this for granted and dont even
realize that they have it. Im so envious of these people it sickens me.
*sigh* maybe Ill get it right one day...or maybe I wont and Ill be alone and friendless for the rest of my life....
god thats a seriously depressing thought.
(end rant)
at least I have my vices to keep me somewhat distracted from all the shit.....