Sour relief
I just re-read the entries previous to this one and now I know why I write in this thing. I'll start with all the positives and then get to the rant (which, truthfully, is what keeps me coming back to lj every time). I have successfully fulfilled and kept up with my New Years' Resolutions!!! I found a new job and I have been working my overworked butt off in my gym at least 3 times a week. That said, you think I'd be happy with my accomplishments this year and convinced that 2006 will bring the happiness I've always known was possible. And then there's Gustav...
I should have made a resolution to stop seeing him since the resolution thing seems to be working so well. It's been a long time since I've typed out the drama between us, but anyone who's ever seen the mess that is my romantic life could make a pretty accurate prediction. It all fell apart. Really dramatically this time. He's been sleeping with someone else (many someone's, most likely) nearly the entire time we've been "together". I got ridiculously drunk last weekend and put myself in a situation that was beyond dangerous. Although I had erased his number from my phone at that point I somehow managed to find it. I called him and he came to me, pulled me out of the situation and took me right into another scenario. Gee, G! Thanks for saving my life so you could scar me for the remainder! Did this present come with a gift receipt?
I had a conversation with one of my favorite people about the whole thing. She said some things that seemed so obvious, but that I had never thought of before. This whole debacle has forced me to take a really close look at reality, history, patterns and behaviors. All that said, now that I recognize the issue I know I have all the tools to fix it. Moving onward from the past is the easiest part: time heals all wounds. Forgetting about the past is the worst mistake you can make, though, because the reason one makes mistakes is to learn from them: time wounds all heals. When I read this journal I think I sound like the most depressing person, but that's just because I only write the bad things. But the truth is, a lot of bad things keep happening and a lot of them are nurtured and brought on by myself. It doesn't have to be this way. I have worn this rut into the dirt. My prison was designed by myself, which makes it easier from which to escape.
I want to be happy. That will be my resolution for month 2 of 2006. Who says New Years' Resolutions can only be made once a year? Oh, and I never want to speak to Gustav again (you hear that, G? That means STOP CALLING ME).
Em out...
I should have made a resolution to stop seeing him since the resolution thing seems to be working so well. It's been a long time since I've typed out the drama between us, but anyone who's ever seen the mess that is my romantic life could make a pretty accurate prediction. It all fell apart. Really dramatically this time. He's been sleeping with someone else (many someone's, most likely) nearly the entire time we've been "together". I got ridiculously drunk last weekend and put myself in a situation that was beyond dangerous. Although I had erased his number from my phone at that point I somehow managed to find it. I called him and he came to me, pulled me out of the situation and took me right into another scenario. Gee, G! Thanks for saving my life so you could scar me for the remainder! Did this present come with a gift receipt?
I had a conversation with one of my favorite people about the whole thing. She said some things that seemed so obvious, but that I had never thought of before. This whole debacle has forced me to take a really close look at reality, history, patterns and behaviors. All that said, now that I recognize the issue I know I have all the tools to fix it. Moving onward from the past is the easiest part: time heals all wounds. Forgetting about the past is the worst mistake you can make, though, because the reason one makes mistakes is to learn from them: time wounds all heals. When I read this journal I think I sound like the most depressing person, but that's just because I only write the bad things. But the truth is, a lot of bad things keep happening and a lot of them are nurtured and brought on by myself. It doesn't have to be this way. I have worn this rut into the dirt. My prison was designed by myself, which makes it easier from which to escape.
I want to be happy. That will be my resolution for month 2 of 2006. Who says New Years' Resolutions can only be made once a year? Oh, and I never want to speak to Gustav again (you hear that, G? That means STOP CALLING ME).
Em out...