Sometimes I just want Sushi
Sometimes I want Sushi,
sometimes I hate myself for quiting my job.
Sometimes I feel like I am so far out of my league
Sometimes I feel I am causing more harm than good
Sometimes I want to run away from it all
Sometimes I want to just smack the 7 year old
Sometimes I want to kick the 14 year old out
Sometimes I want to scream
Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
I feel so torn. Wondering every day if I did the right thing. Then feeling like maybe this whole thing was a mistake. That I shouldn't have had a child, that I shouldn't have brought her into this world because I am not good enough, smart enough, rich enough to do the things I want to do for her. I don't know if I did the right thing with leaving my job. But then there are other times when she stops crying the minute she sees me and I feel like no matter what else... She loves me, she needs me and that for her I would do anything.
This it both the poorest I have ever been, yet at the same time I have never felt so wealthy.
This is the hardest time of my life, but I look forward to everyday
There are times that I wish I could go back to being just me with no real responsibilities... then I hear a giggle and I can't imagine not having her with me.
Yes I wish we had more money, I wish I could go out with friends for some sushi. There are times that I want to scream in frustration... but I wouldn't trade what I do have, the way I feel when she is curled up on my chest, eating and staring into my eyes, the way she smiles at me first thing in the morning before I even say anything. The way I see her learning and growing everyday.
While financially I don't think staying home was the best choice, emotionally and for the family and for Sonya - I don't think she would be where she is without all the time I spend with her, reading to her, talking to her, playing with her. encouraging her when she tries to do new things.
I am not the perfect mom, never going to be. I am horrid at cleaning, I have little patience... but I have love - and I am willing to try and sacrifice to give what I can. Right now - it was sacrificing financially... and sushi.
But it doesn't stop me from wanting sushi on occasion.
sometimes I hate myself for quiting my job.
Sometimes I feel like I am so far out of my league
Sometimes I feel I am causing more harm than good
Sometimes I want to run away from it all
Sometimes I want to just smack the 7 year old
Sometimes I want to kick the 14 year old out
Sometimes I want to scream
Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
I feel so torn. Wondering every day if I did the right thing. Then feeling like maybe this whole thing was a mistake. That I shouldn't have had a child, that I shouldn't have brought her into this world because I am not good enough, smart enough, rich enough to do the things I want to do for her. I don't know if I did the right thing with leaving my job. But then there are other times when she stops crying the minute she sees me and I feel like no matter what else... She loves me, she needs me and that for her I would do anything.
This it both the poorest I have ever been, yet at the same time I have never felt so wealthy.
This is the hardest time of my life, but I look forward to everyday
There are times that I wish I could go back to being just me with no real responsibilities... then I hear a giggle and I can't imagine not having her with me.
Yes I wish we had more money, I wish I could go out with friends for some sushi. There are times that I want to scream in frustration... but I wouldn't trade what I do have, the way I feel when she is curled up on my chest, eating and staring into my eyes, the way she smiles at me first thing in the morning before I even say anything. The way I see her learning and growing everyday.
While financially I don't think staying home was the best choice, emotionally and for the family and for Sonya - I don't think she would be where she is without all the time I spend with her, reading to her, talking to her, playing with her. encouraging her when she tries to do new things.
I am not the perfect mom, never going to be. I am horrid at cleaning, I have little patience... but I have love - and I am willing to try and sacrifice to give what I can. Right now - it was sacrificing financially... and sushi.
But it doesn't stop me from wanting sushi on occasion.