Nightmare
Ok so I can't stop crying I was woken up from the worst nightmare I ever had - I realized something - there is now someone in my life I would kill for.
I know some people that would say you know when you really know love when you would die for a person - for me that is easy. There is a lot of people I would step in front of a bullet for... offer up my life so they could live. But for the first time there is someone that I would kill for.
Anyways...
With everything that is going on financially - I feel so lost. I have looked into going back to work but from 5am to 5pm for a 2 month old that has to be watched for seizures and a 7 year old it costs more for childcare than what I make. so I can't afford to go back to work but with me not working we are not able to make ends meet ... at all... If it wasn't for community action our electricity would have been shut off this month, and they only help once a year it looks like - so I am not sure how we are paying for this next month... I am behind with the car payment which I didn't want to ever happen becuase i wouldn't have the care if it hadn't been for Riley... and now I am screwing up his credit. (and I dont' even want to type up the bs run around wells fargo gave me before telling me they couldn't help me)
But anyways with all this going on - I curled up and went to sleep and I dreamt we lost the car, the electricity was turned off and then we lost the house and we were out on the streets and the state came and took Sonya away from me. :*( They basically pulled her out of my arms and told me what a horrible person I was because I couldn't find a way to make it all work :*(
I am so scared right now....
I know some people that would say you know when you really know love when you would die for a person - for me that is easy. There is a lot of people I would step in front of a bullet for... offer up my life so they could live. But for the first time there is someone that I would kill for.
Anyways...
With everything that is going on financially - I feel so lost. I have looked into going back to work but from 5am to 5pm for a 2 month old that has to be watched for seizures and a 7 year old it costs more for childcare than what I make. so I can't afford to go back to work but with me not working we are not able to make ends meet ... at all... If it wasn't for community action our electricity would have been shut off this month, and they only help once a year it looks like - so I am not sure how we are paying for this next month... I am behind with the car payment which I didn't want to ever happen becuase i wouldn't have the care if it hadn't been for Riley... and now I am screwing up his credit. (and I dont' even want to type up the bs run around wells fargo gave me before telling me they couldn't help me)
But anyways with all this going on - I curled up and went to sleep and I dreamt we lost the car, the electricity was turned off and then we lost the house and we were out on the streets and the state came and took Sonya away from me. :*( They basically pulled her out of my arms and told me what a horrible person I was because I couldn't find a way to make it all work :*(
I am so scared right now....