fuck.
i hate how when i have a bad feeling about something it is normally right?i know i still love him and i always will.and thats why it hurts so bad.im nosy.i mean duh how can i not be and low and behold he gets a letter from her today and it is an application for an apartment.of course and i mean i try and get him to admit it but he wont.why would he?why does he wanna leave me and he cant even have the balls to tell me?he cant take kk AWAY with him.i mean if he is gonna be the one to leave me then noway..kk will not live with him.i cant let it happen.no fucking way.i know he loves me too he just doenst wanna be with me.and ive had numerous crushes and tried a relationship even but it just didnt work.i tried to stick it out with him but i guess he just didnt wanna do it with me..he doesnt want to even live with me anymore?so here i sit crying silently wishiing it to be a dream.but its not.,its an unavoidable nightmare.its just so much to worry about and i feel like he desnt even have me prepared for it like hes just gonna drop it on me one day.i dont know.i wont be able to be here on my own.ill have to move back and i feel like i did so much to get where i am at work and now im gonna have to give it up.and i hate that but how can i do it on my own.and i want him to see his kid..he has to see kk.we have to arrange for that.he even said himself he will not be a deadbeat dad.gosh maybe keshia should let me live with her and him since ya know i let the bitch into my apartment.i cant even say anything to him bc then id be accused of what i did.going thru his mail.i wanna die...you cant imagine how this feels..im holding on for dear life but with my hands cut off im fucked.