burn out, don't fade away

[kittiegurl_acy]

i am unexplainably sad & i just can't quite seem to shake it. something serious is missing from my life. i can't figure out & i can't find it. i can't seem to find the one thing that makes me happy. i know what i want & i know who i want. i just can't have those things. maybe i need to get out of here. i keep saying that, but i don't do it. i know i will have a hard time finding a good paying job. but at the rate i'm going, i'll probably lose the one i have. i just don't care anymore. i added up all of my debt & it makes me sick. i am so not even close to where i wanted to be at twenty-four years old. maybe i'm just disappointed in myself. i should be so many things, but i'm not. i can't get over the past, & i just can't learn to forgive. sorry i'm anti-social, but people make me sick. i've said it before, i'll say it again. everyone tells me to get a hobby.. well, you kind of have to have money in order to do most things. i don't have that. all of my money i make goes to bills & that's all. right now, i'm feeling like i can't do anything right. i feel trapped & i'm tired of it. i feel like i need someone to show me the way.

i'll speak in riddles so you can understand
i'll draw in pencil so you can trace with pen
so in love with me like sand to wet feet
i'll write both our names into the wet concrete

& i sit here with a sick grin
choking as i laugh until i die.