The Little Coochi Snorcher That Could (my story for beth)
Memory: December 1965; Five Years old
My momma tells me in a scary, loud, lifethreatning voice to stop scratching my coochi snorcher. I become terrified that I've scratched it off down there. I do not touch myself again, even in the bath. I am afraid of the water getting in and filling me up so I explode. I put Band-Aids over my coochie snorcher to cover the hole, but they fall off in the water, I imagine a stopper, a bathtub plug up there tp prevent things from entering me. I sleep with three pairs of happy heart-patterned cotton underpants underneath my snap-up pajamas. I still want to touch myself, but I don't.
Memory: Seven years old
Edgar MOntane, who is ten, gets angry at me and punches me with all his might between my legs. It feels like he breaks my entire self. I limp home. I can't pee. My mama asks me what's wrong with my coochie snorcher, and when I tell her what Edgar did to me down there again. I try to explain he didn't touch it, Mama, he punched it.
Memory: Nine years old
I play on the bed, bouncing and falling, and impale my coochie snorcher on the bedpost. I make high=pitched screamy noises that come straight from my coochie snorcher's mouth. I get taken to the hospital and they sew it up down there from where it's been torn apart.
Memory: Ten years old
I'm at my father's house and he's having a party upstairs. Everyone's drinking. I'm playing alone inthe basement and I'm trying on my new white cotton bra and panties tht my father's girlfriend gave me. Suddenly my father's girl friend gave me. Suddenly my father's best friend, this big man Alfred, comes up from behind and pulls my new underpants down and sticks his big hard penis into my coochie snorcher. I scream. I kick. I try to fight him off, but he already gets it in. My father's there and he has gun and there's a loud horrible noise and then there's blood all over Alfred and me, lots of blood. I'm sure my coochie snorcher is finally falling out. Alred is paralyzed for life and my mama doesn't let me see my father for seven years.
Memory: Thirteen years old
My coochie snorcher is a very bad place, a place of pain, nastiness, punching, invasion, and blood. It's a site for mishaps. It's a bad-luck zone. I imagine a freeway between my legs and, girl, I am traveling, going far away from here.
Memory: Sixteen years old
There's a goreous twenty-four-year-old woman in our neighborhood and I stare at her all the time. One day she invites me into her car. She asks me if I like to kiss boys, and I tell her i do not like that. The she says she wants to show me something, and she leans over and kisses me so softly on the lips with her lips then puts her tounge in my mouth. Wow. She asks me if I want to come over to her house, and then she kisses me again and tells me to relax, to feel it, to let our tounges feel it. She asks my mama if i can spend the night and my mother's delighted that such a beautiful successful woman has taken an interest in me. I'm scared but really i can't wait. Her appartment's fantasitc. She's got it hooked up. It's the seventies: the beads, the fluffy pillows, the mood lights. I decide right there that i want to be a secretary like her when I grow up. She makes a vodka for herself and then she asks what I want to drink. I say the same as she's drinking and she says she doesn't think my mama would like me drinking vodka. I say she probably wouldn't like me kissing girls, either, and the pretty lady makes me a drink. The she changes into a chocolate satin teddy. She's so beautiful. I always thought bulldaggers were ugly. I say, "You look great," and she said, "So do you." I say, "But i only have this white cotton bra and underpants." Then she dresses me, slowly, in another satin teddy. It's lavender like the first oft days of spring. The alcohol has gone to my head and I'm loose and ready. I notice that there's a picture over her bead of a nakid black woman with a huge afro as she gently and slowly lays me out on the bed. And just out bodies rubbing makes me come. Then she does everything to me and my coochie snorcher that I always thought was nasty before, and wow. I'm so hot, so wild. She says, "Your vagina, untouched by man, smells so nice, so fresh, wish I could keep it that way forever." I get crazy wild and then the phone rings and of course it's my mama. I'm sure she knows; she catches me at everything. I'm breathing so heavy and I try to act normal when I get on the phone and she asks me, "What's wrong with you, have you been running?" I say, "No, Mama, exercising." The she tells the beautiful secretary to make me sure I'm no taround boys and the lady tells her, "Trust me, there's no boys around here." Afterwards the gorgous lady teaches me everything about my coochie snorcher. She makes me play with myself in fron of her and she teachers meall the dfferenct ways to give myself pleasure. She' very thorough. She tells me to always know how to give myself pleasure so I'll never need to rely on a man. In the morning I'm so worried that I've become a butch because I'm so inlove with her. She laughs, but I never see her again. I realized later she was my suprising, unexpected, politically incorrect salvation. She trasformed my sorry-ass coochie snorcher and raised it up into a kind of heaven.
My momma tells me in a scary, loud, lifethreatning voice to stop scratching my coochi snorcher. I become terrified that I've scratched it off down there. I do not touch myself again, even in the bath. I am afraid of the water getting in and filling me up so I explode. I put Band-Aids over my coochie snorcher to cover the hole, but they fall off in the water, I imagine a stopper, a bathtub plug up there tp prevent things from entering me. I sleep with three pairs of happy heart-patterned cotton underpants underneath my snap-up pajamas. I still want to touch myself, but I don't.
Memory: Seven years old
Edgar MOntane, who is ten, gets angry at me and punches me with all his might between my legs. It feels like he breaks my entire self. I limp home. I can't pee. My mama asks me what's wrong with my coochie snorcher, and when I tell her what Edgar did to me down there again. I try to explain he didn't touch it, Mama, he punched it.
Memory: Nine years old
I play on the bed, bouncing and falling, and impale my coochie snorcher on the bedpost. I make high=pitched screamy noises that come straight from my coochie snorcher's mouth. I get taken to the hospital and they sew it up down there from where it's been torn apart.
Memory: Ten years old
I'm at my father's house and he's having a party upstairs. Everyone's drinking. I'm playing alone inthe basement and I'm trying on my new white cotton bra and panties tht my father's girlfriend gave me. Suddenly my father's girl friend gave me. Suddenly my father's best friend, this big man Alfred, comes up from behind and pulls my new underpants down and sticks his big hard penis into my coochie snorcher. I scream. I kick. I try to fight him off, but he already gets it in. My father's there and he has gun and there's a loud horrible noise and then there's blood all over Alfred and me, lots of blood. I'm sure my coochie snorcher is finally falling out. Alred is paralyzed for life and my mama doesn't let me see my father for seven years.
Memory: Thirteen years old
My coochie snorcher is a very bad place, a place of pain, nastiness, punching, invasion, and blood. It's a site for mishaps. It's a bad-luck zone. I imagine a freeway between my legs and, girl, I am traveling, going far away from here.
Memory: Sixteen years old
There's a goreous twenty-four-year-old woman in our neighborhood and I stare at her all the time. One day she invites me into her car. She asks me if I like to kiss boys, and I tell her i do not like that. The she says she wants to show me something, and she leans over and kisses me so softly on the lips with her lips then puts her tounge in my mouth. Wow. She asks me if I want to come over to her house, and then she kisses me again and tells me to relax, to feel it, to let our tounges feel it. She asks my mama if i can spend the night and my mother's delighted that such a beautiful successful woman has taken an interest in me. I'm scared but really i can't wait. Her appartment's fantasitc. She's got it hooked up. It's the seventies: the beads, the fluffy pillows, the mood lights. I decide right there that i want to be a secretary like her when I grow up. She makes a vodka for herself and then she asks what I want to drink. I say the same as she's drinking and she says she doesn't think my mama would like me drinking vodka. I say she probably wouldn't like me kissing girls, either, and the pretty lady makes me a drink. The she changes into a chocolate satin teddy. She's so beautiful. I always thought bulldaggers were ugly. I say, "You look great," and she said, "So do you." I say, "But i only have this white cotton bra and underpants." Then she dresses me, slowly, in another satin teddy. It's lavender like the first oft days of spring. The alcohol has gone to my head and I'm loose and ready. I notice that there's a picture over her bead of a nakid black woman with a huge afro as she gently and slowly lays me out on the bed. And just out bodies rubbing makes me come. Then she does everything to me and my coochie snorcher that I always thought was nasty before, and wow. I'm so hot, so wild. She says, "Your vagina, untouched by man, smells so nice, so fresh, wish I could keep it that way forever." I get crazy wild and then the phone rings and of course it's my mama. I'm sure she knows; she catches me at everything. I'm breathing so heavy and I try to act normal when I get on the phone and she asks me, "What's wrong with you, have you been running?" I say, "No, Mama, exercising." The she tells the beautiful secretary to make me sure I'm no taround boys and the lady tells her, "Trust me, there's no boys around here." Afterwards the gorgous lady teaches me everything about my coochie snorcher. She makes me play with myself in fron of her and she teachers meall the dfferenct ways to give myself pleasure. She' very thorough. She tells me to always know how to give myself pleasure so I'll never need to rely on a man. In the morning I'm so worried that I've become a butch because I'm so inlove with her. She laughs, but I never see her again. I realized later she was my suprising, unexpected, politically incorrect salvation. She trasformed my sorry-ass coochie snorcher and raised it up into a kind of heaven.