Tobias is the Sun.
Toby finally calling and checking in with me has left me a little reflective upon the relationship we have. Relationship might be a bad word to use, as it's loaded with so many connotations that really don't apply. Yes, I love him, but it's almost like the love I feel for my brothers, and yes there is sex involved when he can get his sexy ass into the same star system as I'm in (if I wasn't in Starfleet and always told where to be and when, I would be willing to shoulder half the effort on that topic), but it's just sex, even if it's intensely satisfying sex. What I have with Toby is not even on the same plane as the relationship I had with Travis. Travis was... was explosive, intense, epic. Toby's just like that worn in pair of boots you've had for a decade and could never think of being without.
If someone asked me who my best friend is, I wouldn't even hesitate a millisecond before replying with Toby's name. Toby's the one who got me the job that introduced me to Travis, Toby's the person who picked me up when my first boyfriend took my virginity, then gave me a bull shit excuse about my mother scaring him to break up with me a week later. Toby awakened my sexual appetite, encouraged me when I was down and to be the best I could be regardless of what anyone else did or thought.
I suppose Toby would be the Sun in my life. Travis was a shooting star, shorter lived, making a greater impression upon my memory. Toby has been a mostly steady, supportive and constant force in my life, ultimately less noteworthy simply because I've grown used to him being there all the time.
A lot of people say that's what they're looking for in a mate. They want a best friend, they want the perfect sex. I have those two things together, but the thought of marrying Toby? It just doesn't occur to me. He and I have even talked about it before, he feels the same way. However, if I one day just called him up and said let's get married, he wouldn't let a moment pass before saying yes. He'd do anything for me, which is what makes it all the more weird that neither of us wish to marry. We're happy to be there for the other, have the freedom to do whatever else we wish, and there really isn't a need put it into a context anyone else assumes must be there.
Also, I can't picture him as a father. I'm not sure if I'd ever be a mother, but I really can not see him as a father. Everything else aside, there's an expectation of children in a marriage, even if it's not right away. So it doesn't feel right to marry someone who I can't see as a father, even if he's a perfect companion in every other way.