They'll name a city after us and later say it's all our fault
When I look at myself in third person, I come across as a very lonely person. I see... someone who chooses to sit alone a lot, because she likes it. Someone who likes to be home alone more than she likes having family around, because she can concentrate better and let her imagination work. Someone who claims to be social but yet is shy in social settings and sometimes doesn't want to be there at all. Someone who... appreciates being alone more than she can describe, but yet feels lonely a lot of the time. My easily distracted mind appreciates calm and quiet surroundings, because focus makes me feel good. And focus is definitely not something that's common in my life. It's a lot of distractions and impulses and wandering thoughts. It's life, you know.
I'm only 22, but I am still allowed to wonder about my existence. I was reading about paraplegia the other night for a character of mine and it just hit me, when reading a very emotionally strong blog post, that if it happened to me - I'd be fucked, to use that expression. I don't wanna be overdramatic, I just don't think I could deal with such a thing in the long run. Being so dependent on others. And I just feel I'd have so little on which I could hold onto to make things bearable. The thought scares me.
I've gone through so many stages and mindsets already and with any luck (?) I have a lifetime left. Sometimes I think about the 22 years of existence I've had so far and it just amazes me that I'm here, you know? Not that I shouldn't logically be, more in the sense that... 22 years is a long time. So much happens in 22 years. So much changes, is created, disappears. So much happens.
So many stories are told. Shared, added to, subtracted from, passed on. Together, alone. And I'm in the middle of it all, with nothing to say? All this ability to think, all these thoughts and nothing to say? The fact that I sit here and have these thoughts is amazing.
I am aware of that I've strayed from my initial angle, but really... Did I even have a point? Isn't this just a steam of fascinated consciousness? I'm usually a cynic about life in general, but... For once I am honestly fascinated with it. With this little detail of it. This huge detail.
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