Day 2 - Crush dreams of others
That was on a nike billboard during the Atlanta Olympic Games.
Very productive day. Taught Indy how to dribble a basketball and how to be a soccer goalie. Found out his teacher's name (Mrs. Kelly) and saw his classroom. Made home made mini pizzas. Started a new book (Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman). Took Indy bike riding and to the park. Watched Mister Roger's Neighborhood with him before bed. Filled out paperwork to volunteer at Indy's school, and booked my flight for my trip to see my brother in Maine.
Didn't even really watch tv much today. Very laid back, calm.
I was thinking about how amazing we can be when we put our minds to it. Over the years there are a few things that I really wanted to change about myself and really worked hard at actively making those changes. And a lot of the times i was sucessful from something as silly as to stop cursing, to something as important as being present and in the moment when with my son. And it just helps to remind yourself that you really can change if you put your mind to it. Especially when you get too focused on the things that are so hard to change. Like for me, being quick to anger. I have worked at and failed at that one so many times. And I try to tell myself that maybe there are small changes that I can't see yet, well I know there are small changes, but are they building to a whole? Is it just going to take longer than I wanted? Or is it part of an underlying thing, part of the true essence of me, something that will never change?
It is so fast so quick to come on, that I don't know how to stop besides just yelling at myself (in my head) to stop. Today I wanted to throw something, but I didn't, so that is a small victory. I want to be calm and zen like in the face of an irritating or whining or bickering child. How do you do that? I can see what I should say or do after the fact. But it's not even that I am yelling or something. I am not. I am just feeling angry. And it fills me so completely. I know how to walk away, but I don't know how to make the anger stop coming. I suppose I have answered my own question. You can't stop feelings, they just are. All you can do is control how you react to them, and I do, but that's not enough. I want more than that.
Very productive day. Taught Indy how to dribble a basketball and how to be a soccer goalie. Found out his teacher's name (Mrs. Kelly) and saw his classroom. Made home made mini pizzas. Started a new book (Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman). Took Indy bike riding and to the park. Watched Mister Roger's Neighborhood with him before bed. Filled out paperwork to volunteer at Indy's school, and booked my flight for my trip to see my brother in Maine.
Didn't even really watch tv much today. Very laid back, calm.
I was thinking about how amazing we can be when we put our minds to it. Over the years there are a few things that I really wanted to change about myself and really worked hard at actively making those changes. And a lot of the times i was sucessful from something as silly as to stop cursing, to something as important as being present and in the moment when with my son. And it just helps to remind yourself that you really can change if you put your mind to it. Especially when you get too focused on the things that are so hard to change. Like for me, being quick to anger. I have worked at and failed at that one so many times. And I try to tell myself that maybe there are small changes that I can't see yet, well I know there are small changes, but are they building to a whole? Is it just going to take longer than I wanted? Or is it part of an underlying thing, part of the true essence of me, something that will never change?
It is so fast so quick to come on, that I don't know how to stop besides just yelling at myself (in my head) to stop. Today I wanted to throw something, but I didn't, so that is a small victory. I want to be calm and zen like in the face of an irritating or whining or bickering child. How do you do that? I can see what I should say or do after the fact. But it's not even that I am yelling or something. I am not. I am just feeling angry. And it fills me so completely. I know how to walk away, but I don't know how to make the anger stop coming. I suppose I have answered my own question. You can't stop feelings, they just are. All you can do is control how you react to them, and I do, but that's not enough. I want more than that.