Afterthought
Tonight in ballet I watched the big girls as Indy calls them, watched them rehearse part of The Nutcracker, and it was beautiful. It gave me chills. It spoke to me in a way I do not comprehend. And tonight in my own ballet class was the first time I felt like I wasn't just learning moves, wasn't just building my balance and flexibility. Tonight I felt like I was actually doing ballet. Tonight I thought, if it takes me another ten years, I will be able to be just like those big girls. Beautiful. Graceful. Dancing the nutcracker. If it takes me 20 years I will one day call myself a ballerina.
This week indy started reading. Full on reading. I mean he's been reading for a long time. But it's different now. Now he is reading everything. Now he is trying to read everything, and most of the time succeeding.
Today I helped a mom who felt frustrated by her 4 year old who talked back, who refused to do what was asked of her. A mom who felt like she had failed, wondering, "How could I have raised such a disrespectful child?" And I have been there. I have thought those thoughts, wrung my hands, and hidden my tears with anger, and food. But giving back to her, the things I have learned, it felt really really good.
I made a whole other new mom friend this past monday.
I am going christmas shopping with another friend on thursday.
Our 13th or 14th annual Christmas party is Dec 11th. That is the same day as Storytime with Santa at the library. And it is the day after the Nutcracker performance we are going to. To see the big girls do their thing. These are things I want to do. I want to watch the wonder in Indy's eyes when he sees Santa again. I want him to see the wonder in my eyes when we watch the ballet.
My life is not an afterthought. My life is well thought out, planned. My life is my own, albeit shared by others. Shared. A life shared. A life enjoyed. A life lived.
I no longer need to put myself last. But that doesn't mean I have to put myself first. And that's just fine with me.
This week indy started reading. Full on reading. I mean he's been reading for a long time. But it's different now. Now he is reading everything. Now he is trying to read everything, and most of the time succeeding.
Today I helped a mom who felt frustrated by her 4 year old who talked back, who refused to do what was asked of her. A mom who felt like she had failed, wondering, "How could I have raised such a disrespectful child?" And I have been there. I have thought those thoughts, wrung my hands, and hidden my tears with anger, and food. But giving back to her, the things I have learned, it felt really really good.
I made a whole other new mom friend this past monday.
I am going christmas shopping with another friend on thursday.
Our 13th or 14th annual Christmas party is Dec 11th. That is the same day as Storytime with Santa at the library. And it is the day after the Nutcracker performance we are going to. To see the big girls do their thing. These are things I want to do. I want to watch the wonder in Indy's eyes when he sees Santa again. I want him to see the wonder in my eyes when we watch the ballet.
My life is not an afterthought. My life is well thought out, planned. My life is my own, albeit shared by others. Shared. A life shared. A life enjoyed. A life lived.
I no longer need to put myself last. But that doesn't mean I have to put myself first. And that's just fine with me.