ljidol 5 : achilles heel

[kittenboo]

Is it too much to ask to not feel like a failure tonight? Is it too much to ask to be able to finish one goddamn thing so I can not just quit? I don't even know anymore. I am lost. I am so lost in the forest and I have forgotten how to speak. I open my mouth but nothing comes

Comments

[boxsofrain]

I just want you to know that on the image thing- you are not alone.

What I really enjoyed about this entry is that it is so raw, I feel like I am reading your deep thoughts. I especially liked the last paragraph. However, I really do hope that you find some comfort. I think you are a much better person then you realize.

[kittenboo]

Oh yeah? I don't come across a lot of people who get intrusive images. They aren't always about me harming myself, I just didn't include the others because they wouldn't have made any sense.

Well you basically are reading my raw thoughts. I wrote this in one sitting, just wrote what came out, and only did some minor editing.

I don't usually write about how I am feeling in the moment, but this is actually how I feel right now.

[agirlnamedluna]

I do, mostly so since Sigrid was born. I immediately recognized the feeling and was drawn into your entry like a whirlwind from there on out ... it's very recognizable and at the same time it's written very, very eloquently, with beautiful imagery, much more beautiful than these feelings deserve sometimes.

I see her drowning, see us drowning, see us in a war situation ... all sorts of stuff like that. It's ... pretty crazy and I can't deny it's not partly because I don't shield well enough.

[notbatman]

"I don't come across a lot of people who get intrusive images."

I get them too. I've taken to calling them "daymares" for lack of anything better. Just to give them a name to use to try and pick them up and throw them away. (I don't think it's working.) Visceral and entrapping, lingering. Terrible.

So I guess this is just more "you are not alone."

I thought this was very well written. Started strong and got more powerful as it progressed. Read like I could feel it being written, if that makes any sense. At all.

[tantra_cat]

You are a Priestess of Worlds and Words...I don't know you, never met you...yet I feel like you are one of my close friends who is in trouble. I want to comfort you...hold you...hand you tea and a really good book...

You have a way of writing that is raw, primitive, and quite beautiful...

[kittenboo]

It is funny how I can convey in the written form, but when i actually talk about these things I end up sounding so analytical, like I am perfectly fine.

Thank you for your kind words.

[brightflashes]

Amazing. You have such a gift at writing from and about this place where so many people can't comprehend. You create a bridge so that others can know what it's like so that they can understand you better.You have expressed this place so articulately and vividly. Thank you for that.

[kittenboo]

you are very welcome. I have no idea how i do it, I just write what is in my head.

[solstice_singer]

I'm sorry you're feeling so lost and so afraid. Please let me know if I can help in any way. Feeling like that is damned scary. I've been there a time or two or three.

[kittenboo]

thank you for offering and caring

[teenagewitch]

Wow. It was like you read every thought that has every gone through my head in the last 18 months. Its nice to know I am not alone in this. *Hugs*

[kittenboo]

you are not alone. i'm glad that people can relate to it, i wasn't sure it was good enough to post.