lj idol 5 : topic 5 : open topic : this is my olympics
Our anniversary is next week. Not our wedding anniversary, that was back in August and we both missed it anyway. That is until a few days later when my mom casually asked me, "Your anniversary is coming up soon isn't it?" That's when I looked at the calendar and realized it had been 2 days before.
I wonder how long we would have gone before realizing we missed it.
Maybe I missed it because I was too focused on our other anniversary. On November 2 2008 we will have been together for 15 years.
Exactly 15 years ago and 4 days from right now, we met. Probably right around this time too. And exactly 15 years ago and 12 days from now scottchurch, all dressed up in his "I wear black on the outside because black is how I feel on the inside" leather jacket, kissed me for the very first time. And that is how it all began.
It's strange to believe that 14 year olds were competing and winning medals in the Olympics this year.
If we hadn't used a condom that first time, we could be raising a 14 year old right now. I don't feel old enough to be able to have a 14 year old, but I guess that's how everyone feels.
That 14 year old Olympian though, their whole life represents the entire time Scott and I have been together. And that medal is what their whole life has been leading towards. And for some, because of injury or other factors, this is where their career ends. Maybe they have no idea what to do with their lives next, but that medal, they can hold it in their hands and say "I did this." And no one can take that away from them.
If a 14 year old can accomplish something like that, what do I have to say for myself? At 34 years old I feel wholly inadequate. I mean what do I have to show for the last 15 years of my life?
Is having a happy marriage, a stable life, and a family I love, is that enough of an accomplishment?
Today Indy got peanut butter and jelly all over himself. I took his shirt off right before his nap. And there he is lying on his bed with his scraggly blonde hair, and 3/4 length black shorts, with no shirt on. And suddenly I have this flash of him at 14 years old, lying in his bed just like this. He's got skater shorts, long wavy blonde hair, and no shirt. He's talking to some girl on the phone, and shooing me out of his room with his hand, telling me he'll be down for dinner in a minute.
This is all so fleeting, all the work that is put into mothering. My every moment consumed with the thoughts, preparation, and mental anguish of making sure I do this right. Every day I spend trying to figure out what interests him, and what he excels at. Every day I try to become a better model of the kind of person I want him to be.
Right now, this is my training. Tirelessly working to give him the opportunity to learn who he is, the tools to become the person he is supposed to be, and the support to believe in his own hidden talents.
This is my Olympics. There will be no medal, and he will probably never thank me. More likely he will only tell me about all the things I did wrong. But in the end I will have him to show for it. I will be able to look at him and smile. And no one will be able to take that away from me.
I wonder how long we would have gone before realizing we missed it.
Maybe I missed it because I was too focused on our other anniversary. On November 2 2008 we will have been together for 15 years.
Exactly 15 years ago and 4 days from right now, we met. Probably right around this time too. And exactly 15 years ago and 12 days from now scottchurch, all dressed up in his "I wear black on the outside because black is how I feel on the inside" leather jacket, kissed me for the very first time. And that is how it all began.
It's strange to believe that 14 year olds were competing and winning medals in the Olympics this year.
If we hadn't used a condom that first time, we could be raising a 14 year old right now. I don't feel old enough to be able to have a 14 year old, but I guess that's how everyone feels.
That 14 year old Olympian though, their whole life represents the entire time Scott and I have been together. And that medal is what their whole life has been leading towards. And for some, because of injury or other factors, this is where their career ends. Maybe they have no idea what to do with their lives next, but that medal, they can hold it in their hands and say "I did this." And no one can take that away from them.
If a 14 year old can accomplish something like that, what do I have to say for myself? At 34 years old I feel wholly inadequate. I mean what do I have to show for the last 15 years of my life?
Is having a happy marriage, a stable life, and a family I love, is that enough of an accomplishment?
Today Indy got peanut butter and jelly all over himself. I took his shirt off right before his nap. And there he is lying on his bed with his scraggly blonde hair, and 3/4 length black shorts, with no shirt on. And suddenly I have this flash of him at 14 years old, lying in his bed just like this. He's got skater shorts, long wavy blonde hair, and no shirt. He's talking to some girl on the phone, and shooing me out of his room with his hand, telling me he'll be down for dinner in a minute.
This is all so fleeting, all the work that is put into mothering. My every moment consumed with the thoughts, preparation, and mental anguish of making sure I do this right. Every day I spend trying to figure out what interests him, and what he excels at. Every day I try to become a better model of the kind of person I want him to be.
Right now, this is my training. Tirelessly working to give him the opportunity to learn who he is, the tools to become the person he is supposed to be, and the support to believe in his own hidden talents.
This is my Olympics. There will be no medal, and he will probably never thank me. More likely he will only tell me about all the things I did wrong. But in the end I will have him to show for it. I will be able to look at him and smile. And no one will be able to take that away from me.