lj idol 5: Topic 2: apathy : sleep and tv
I am tired. Tired all the way down to my soul. If I have a soul anyway, I'm not really clear on that point yet. There are so many things I need to do, things that really need to get done. But I won't do any of them, at least right now, because I really really want to take a nap. And I think I will. I'll just come back and finish this later.
I could close my eyes and fall asleep for a thousand years, and when I wake I would simply fall asleep again.
It is never enough. It will never be enough, because I could always sleep more. My love for sleep is that great. So great that I update people on my hours of sleep like other people talk about their golf scores. Bed calls to me. All. The. Time. I fantasize about my winter blanket, so soft, soothing, and utterly perfect. It is beautiful in its simplicity.
I get nothing done because I can't get myself to not fall asleep when my son takes his nap every day. And yes, today I slept the entire 2 hours that he did. And it was absolutely glorious.
I get nothing done because in the few spare hours I have between my boy falling asleep at night and me falling asleep at night I indulge in the only thing that can keep me awake. The only thing that is keeping me awake right now.
Television. My crutch, my Achilles Heel. Not my friend but my therapist. Not just my therapist but my box filled with all the people that keep me from sleeping because I NEED to know who is going to be on Celebrity Rehab this season, because I need to know if Sawyer and Kate are ever going to get back together, because I need to know if Jack Bauer's daughter is really going to be coming back, because there is nothing that gives me a thrill like watching the opening segment on Dexter, because I don't care about anything in my life as much as I care about being able to feel the embarrassment I feel for Michael Scott every time he opens his mouth.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I put as much thought, time, and effort as I put into tv and sleep, into something else. Into something that was actually important. But I'm not sure that will ever happen because I don't really care that I don't care about anything. I don't really care that the most important things to me right now are things that other people would gladly skip in order to do SOMETHING.
Although sometimes I wish I had something that I could be passionate about. A something I could be dedicated to fighting for or eliminating. Something I could talk with people about. Something that could fulfill me. God, it sounds like I need to start going to church.
But I won't, at least right now, because there's an episode of the Wire on. Yeah I've already seen it, more than once, but it's from season 3, or as I like to call it, the "Hamsterdam" season, and that was a really good season.
I could close my eyes and fall asleep for a thousand years, and when I wake I would simply fall asleep again.
It is never enough. It will never be enough, because I could always sleep more. My love for sleep is that great. So great that I update people on my hours of sleep like other people talk about their golf scores. Bed calls to me. All. The. Time. I fantasize about my winter blanket, so soft, soothing, and utterly perfect. It is beautiful in its simplicity.
I get nothing done because I can't get myself to not fall asleep when my son takes his nap every day. And yes, today I slept the entire 2 hours that he did. And it was absolutely glorious.
I get nothing done because in the few spare hours I have between my boy falling asleep at night and me falling asleep at night I indulge in the only thing that can keep me awake. The only thing that is keeping me awake right now.
Television. My crutch, my Achilles Heel. Not my friend but my therapist. Not just my therapist but my box filled with all the people that keep me from sleeping because I NEED to know who is going to be on Celebrity Rehab this season, because I need to know if Sawyer and Kate are ever going to get back together, because I need to know if Jack Bauer's daughter is really going to be coming back, because there is nothing that gives me a thrill like watching the opening segment on Dexter, because I don't care about anything in my life as much as I care about being able to feel the embarrassment I feel for Michael Scott every time he opens his mouth.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I put as much thought, time, and effort as I put into tv and sleep, into something else. Into something that was actually important. But I'm not sure that will ever happen because I don't really care that I don't care about anything. I don't really care that the most important things to me right now are things that other people would gladly skip in order to do SOMETHING.
Although sometimes I wish I had something that I could be passionate about. A something I could be dedicated to fighting for or eliminating. Something I could talk with people about. Something that could fulfill me. God, it sounds like I need to start going to church.
But I won't, at least right now, because there's an episode of the Wire on. Yeah I've already seen it, more than once, but it's from season 3, or as I like to call it, the "Hamsterdam" season, and that was a really good season.