lj idol 4 : topic 29j : Memorial
Thoughts on being a mother...
Being a mother means to stop being you and to become someone else. Someone else who is part you but part not you. Someone else who can't do the things she use to do. Someone else who doesn't look the same as she use to. Someone else who no longer knows how to act when in adult company.
It means no more bubble baths, no more sleeping in, no more hot meals, and not talking to people about anything other than baby stuff. Because I haven't watched or read the news in who knows how long, but I live, sleep, eat, and breath everything baby.
Being a mother means being able to say I don't know what I'm doing, being able to ask for help, but also standing up for my son and my own parenting skills when I think I am right.
It means being sad just thinking about him growing up, and crying as I realize he is going to be two years old soon. It means knowing, truly what it means when people say "it goes by fast". And it means having to rework my entire life and relationship to accommodate a third amazing, but very needy addition. It means immediately finding myself doing for someone else before I ever consider my needs or wants.
It means looking over at a blue plastic chair with a smiley face on it and smiling because I can't believe I am living a life that includes blue plastic smiley faced chairs.
Being a mother means worrying in a whole new way, and being tired in a whole new way. It means not sleeping, but still being up at the crack of dawn to cook breakfast, even though I don't eat breakfast. Being a mother means not caring as much if dinner is burned or late, because I just want to play one more game of peek a boo. Because I just want to capture this moment and hold onto it forever, because I just want to hold it in my hands and never let it go.
Being a mother means to stop being you and to become someone else. Someone else who is part you but part not you. Someone else who can't do the things she use to do. Someone else who doesn't look the same as she use to. Someone else who no longer knows how to act when in adult company.
It means no more bubble baths, no more sleeping in, no more hot meals, and not talking to people about anything other than baby stuff. Because I haven't watched or read the news in who knows how long, but I live, sleep, eat, and breath everything baby.
Being a mother means being able to say I don't know what I'm doing, being able to ask for help, but also standing up for my son and my own parenting skills when I think I am right.
It means being sad just thinking about him growing up, and crying as I realize he is going to be two years old soon. It means knowing, truly what it means when people say "it goes by fast". And it means having to rework my entire life and relationship to accommodate a third amazing, but very needy addition. It means immediately finding myself doing for someone else before I ever consider my needs or wants.
It means looking over at a blue plastic chair with a smiley face on it and smiling because I can't believe I am living a life that includes blue plastic smiley faced chairs.
Being a mother means worrying in a whole new way, and being tired in a whole new way. It means not sleeping, but still being up at the crack of dawn to cook breakfast, even though I don't eat breakfast. Being a mother means not caring as much if dinner is burned or late, because I just want to play one more game of peek a boo. Because I just want to capture this moment and hold onto it forever, because I just want to hold it in my hands and never let it go.