What is wrong with me? Again, a repeat of a question I've asked many times before. Why do I pick these people to like, who either don't want anything to do with me or just want to be bed-buddies
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ohhhh, thank you for the words of advice, that was the best comment I've received in a long time!
I know I have to make the guy work for it. I know it's inappropriate for the guy to just expect it from me. I know I sometimes (ok, a lot) come off as easy, but I'm really not. I guess maybe I won't fool around with this kid (name's Patrick..ironic...another Irish boy) even thought I just updated and said I was gonna, lol. Ok, so I lied.
I do want to be a counselor, that's really cool that you think I should be one! I don't know how to find decent human beings. That's why I don't really find new friends, I'm content with the ones I have because I'm scared. I'm scared that the people I choose to be my friends are the only good human beings in the world. And I'm trying to be Patrick's friend, but apparently that's not good enough for him. And you know what? It should be. Because I am great, damn it. I have a love of life that's almost obnoxious at times, I'm friendly, I genuinely care about people (even the ones that don't deserve it), and I'm fun to hang out with. But guys don't see that. They only see me as my body. Which is too bad, because the only way to really attract any kind of person is by looks. That's why this is such a sucky "looksism" society.
I didn't really have this problem last semester. The only times I've had this problem are when I have a boyfriend, ironic enough. Now I don't have a boyfriend. I'm not saying I would like one, because I'm scared to date. I'm terribly, terribly, terribly frightened of dating someone in a long-term relationship. Which is too bad, because that's what I used to be about. When I dated, it was for the long-term. It wasn't just some fuck-buddy relationship. I went through that phase and I'm over it. It was a short phase, let me tell you. But now I don't know how I could handle dating someone. Which is why I've been single since early June. This is the longest I've ever been single. I'm just lonely, I suppose. I get to liking a guy and then I get to thinking he will like me too, but he doesn't. I'm just a sex object to these guys and I don't need that. I don't know how to walk away. Like I said, I don't like to do that without giving them a positive image of me. And Patrick thinks I'm this too personal-sex toy. That's not a good thing.
I'm confused. I like this guy, I think he might be worth something. However, I also at one point thought John was nice. How clouded is my judgement? Has it cleared up yet?
*sighs* sorry for the essay as well,lol
and btw- I did think I was too good for these guys.
I know I have to make the guy work for it. I know it's inappropriate for the guy to just expect it from me. I know I sometimes (ok, a lot) come off as easy, but I'm really not. I guess maybe I won't fool around with this kid (name's Patrick..ironic...another Irish boy) even thought I just updated and said I was gonna, lol. Ok, so I lied.
I do want to be a counselor, that's really cool that you think I should be one! I don't know how to find decent human beings. That's why I don't really find new friends, I'm content with the ones I have because I'm scared. I'm scared that the people I choose to be my friends are the only good human beings in the world. And I'm trying to be Patrick's friend, but apparently that's not good enough for him. And you know what? It should be. Because I am great, damn it. I have a love of life that's almost obnoxious at times, I'm friendly, I genuinely care about people (even the ones that don't deserve it), and I'm fun to hang out with. But guys don't see that. They only see me as my body. Which is too bad, because the only way to really attract any kind of person is by looks. That's why this is such a sucky "looksism" society.
I didn't really have this problem last semester. The only times I've had this problem are when I have a boyfriend, ironic enough. Now I don't have a boyfriend. I'm not saying I would like one, because I'm scared to date. I'm terribly, terribly, terribly frightened of dating someone in a long-term relationship. Which is too bad, because that's what I used to be about. When I dated, it was for the long-term. It wasn't just some fuck-buddy relationship. I went through that phase and I'm over it. It was a short phase, let me tell you. But now I don't know how I could handle dating someone. Which is why I've been single since early June. This is the longest I've ever been single. I'm just lonely, I suppose. I get to liking a guy and then I get to thinking he will like me too, but he doesn't. I'm just a sex object to these guys and I don't need that. I don't know how to walk away. Like I said, I don't like to do that without giving them a positive image of me. And Patrick thinks I'm this too personal-sex toy. That's not a good thing.
I'm confused. I like this guy, I think he might be worth something. However, I also at one point thought John was nice. How clouded is my judgement? Has it cleared up yet?
*sighs* sorry for the essay as well,lol
and btw- I did think I was too good for these guys.
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