tired, confused, and depressed
What a combo...
*sigh*
I guess I shouldn't be depressed,.. but it's a "happy" kind of depressed to some degree. Bear with me, but putting my thoughts on this computer screen isn't easy to do right now. I've been on the road since 6:30am.
Monday I drove Dale up to Springfield, MO. It's gorgeous there. So many tress, so many hills. It's lovely. And though I've only been gone for two days, I'm grateful, nonetheless.
So, why depressed? Well, I had to come home alone. I suppose that's the biggest part of it. Dale started training with Prime Trucking this week. He'll be signing a year-long contract with them and I won't be seeing him much for a while. That makes me sick to my stomach.
I know that we don't always get along. I know we get on each other's nerves. But we've been together 24/7 for the past two years. So, this is hard for me to cope with.
The drive home didn't really bother me so much. I was so pre-occupied with the driving part that I didn't have time to get too lonely. I guess it really struck me when I walked into our bedroom. I nearly broke down. It finally sunk in that it will be at least two months before I get to see him again.
To make things worse I had absolutely no messages or emails waiting for me when I got here. Bear in mind that I've been filling out applications for work for the past week and a half. It's morbidly depressing to come home to not so much as a "ha ha! Fuck you!".
*sigh*
I can't believe how hard it is to find work out here. But, I've said it before and I'll say it again,.. "if you're not a stripper or a bartender, youre shit out of luck in this po-dunk poor ass excuse for a military town."
*sigh*
I guess I shouldn't be depressed,.. but it's a "happy" kind of depressed to some degree. Bear with me, but putting my thoughts on this computer screen isn't easy to do right now. I've been on the road since 6:30am.
Monday I drove Dale up to Springfield, MO. It's gorgeous there. So many tress, so many hills. It's lovely. And though I've only been gone for two days, I'm grateful, nonetheless.
So, why depressed? Well, I had to come home alone. I suppose that's the biggest part of it. Dale started training with Prime Trucking this week. He'll be signing a year-long contract with them and I won't be seeing him much for a while. That makes me sick to my stomach.
I know that we don't always get along. I know we get on each other's nerves. But we've been together 24/7 for the past two years. So, this is hard for me to cope with.
The drive home didn't really bother me so much. I was so pre-occupied with the driving part that I didn't have time to get too lonely. I guess it really struck me when I walked into our bedroom. I nearly broke down. It finally sunk in that it will be at least two months before I get to see him again.
To make things worse I had absolutely no messages or emails waiting for me when I got here. Bear in mind that I've been filling out applications for work for the past week and a half. It's morbidly depressing to come home to not so much as a "ha ha! Fuck you!".
*sigh*
I can't believe how hard it is to find work out here. But, I've said it before and I'll say it again,.. "if you're not a stripper or a bartender, youre shit out of luck in this po-dunk poor ass excuse for a military town."