anxiety
I'm starting to think that I big part of my anxiety at work comes from the fact that I don't really "believe in" what I'm doing. I don't find this work meaningful or worth my time - or anyone's time. I don't tell people that I don't believe in the work, but I know that they have bought into it while I have not. That's technically a conflict even though it is not out in the open. Every time I agree to do something that goes against what I really believe in, I feel that conflict between me and my boss or co-workers. If I actually said, "abolish grades," or, "screw standardized tests," or, "school is oppressive and doesn't help people with upward mobility in society," that would ramp up my conflict anxiety even more, but, just thinking these things causes me anxiety.
No wonder I still feel anxious even when things are going well. I'm not really worried that anyone thinks I'm doing poorly at performing my job duties. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, and I'm doing it just fine. But, I still feel anxious. So, it must be the conflict that is keeping me from feeling at ease.