Arg.
Although the subject of this post is very pirate-esque,
this post is less than awesome.
A lot of things haven't been going very well for me lately,
and i've been very stressed out.
Work has been less than fun, and i don't think I am cut out to be a store manager.
This is ok, since apparently my district manager thinks the same thing, since I was demoted
on Tuesday. I will be a co-manager, and transferred back the the other store for more training.
Apparently they are opening another store in the area soon, and want to train me
to be a better store manager and then give me that store.
Well, I am done with this place. If I'm gonna take a paycut, it might as well be someplace
I don't hate going to everyday, or at least has direct deposit.
I don't even know what to look for.
I don't feel good enough at anything to look for something specialized.
I know i get a lot of praise from you guys, and i'm not saying I don't appreciate it,
but I am totally unprepared to do any work in my 'field' (fashion)
I cannot draw or sketch well, which is no good for designing.
Even if I found somewhere that wanted me to do sewing work, I don't have
much formal training in sewing, or couture finishings.
I can sew, yes, but not much better than the average hobbyist.
My pattern making is beginner at best, and involves a lot of math.
In short, my degree, (that I can't even afford to pay off) is a joke.
So I sit here and wonder why the hell I spent so much money on school.
I was convinced as soon as I graduated i'd have a great job and paying everything off would be no problem.
Well, here I am.
Stuck in a job I hate, and taking a paycut because i'm not good at THAT either.
At least it was paying my bills. I feel like an idiot for having invested so much money in college.
I can never regret going to college because I met a lot of great people, and had a lot of great times.
However I can't just help but feel like a moron for paying so much money for something I don't even have, that I can't even use.
What am I meant to DO with this life?
Sometimes I wish I could just make enough money to move out, get married, and be a wife.
Sometimes I feel like I was meant to do something great , that would leave an impression on the world.
Sometimes I wish I had never gone to school and could have just invested that money into traveling around the world,
working odd jobs and making just enough to get by.
I am so confused and upset with myself.
I don't know what my passion is anymore.
I don't feel good enough at anything.
As cliche as it all sounds, I feel like capitalism's personal bitch.
Is this really what our lives are for?
I miss my family and my friends.
I never get to see a majority of people i care about anymore.
Right now I feel like I don't care what job I get, as long as I can still get time off to see my family,
my friends, and do all the fun things everyone else still seems to be able to do.
Fuck.
I have missed so many things because of this stupid job.
I feel like my thoughts have no resolution, so i'm going to stop.
