ficlet: The Expert
Title: The Expert
Length: one-shot
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: R
Genre: humor, romance, sexual themes
Pairing/Characters: Junhyung, Dooseob
Warnings: RPS, sexual themes
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: I've actually had this idea sitting around in my folder for a few months, waiting for me to find the inspiration to work on it.
Dedicated to my favorite platypus for encouraging the corruption~<3 Love you, dongsaeng~
Summary: Sometimes being known for your expertise isn't a good thing...
~*~*~
Junhyung frowned and scribbled down words as hummed to himself. He wasn’t entirely sure he actually liked them. The problem with writing lyrics in English was that sometimes what he wanted to say just didn’t translate very well. Especially when he was also trying to make it rhyme and flow with the rest of the song. Still, as long as he wrote everything down, he usually managed to piece together something workable.
In general, he preferred to keep as much of his raps in his own language as he could manage.
“Hey, Junhyung?”
His automatic snap of annoyance died in his throat as he glanced up to see his band leader hovering beside his chair looking embarrassed and uncomfortable.
Beyond being one of the handful of people Junhyung genuinely respected, Doojoon was someone he admired for always being in control. Doojoon made being the leader look so cool and effortless. He was adaptable and never out of his depth. Junhyung had only ever seen Doojoon look even slightly frazzled a handful of times and all of those had involved extreme heights with very little between Doojoon and the ground.
Everyone was allowed their phobias, after all.
He tossed his pen and notebook on the table and sat up a little straighter. “Hey, Doojoon. What’s up?”
Doojoon grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. “Umm… Can I talk to you?”
“Yes?” Junhyung arched a brow before glancing over to see Gikwang staring at Doojoon’s ever-reddening face with open fascination. Perhaps the dressing room wasn’t the best place to have whatever conversation it was that Doojoon wanted to have. Gikwang, lovable goof that he was, wasn’t known for his discretion. “Ah. Yeah, come on.”
Luckily, he knew all the good spots in the building for privacy.
The older man followed him quietly until he had them both shut up in a little used utility closet on the top floor. Then he sighed, leaning back against the closed door and burying his face in his hands. His voice was muffled, but the undercurrent of desperation and mortification was still easy to hear. “I need your advice.”
Junhyung waited for a moment, but Doojoon went silent again. Either he couldn’t or really didn’t want to go on. “Okay?”
The blush from before was back in full force. His ears looked like they might glow from the bright red color. He made a strangled noise, but just shook his head.
Sighing, Junhyung reached out and pulled Doojoon’s hands away from his face. “Doojoon, I could give you all sorts of random advice, but it won’t do you any good if I don’t know what you need help with.”
He honestly couldn’t imagine what could possibly be so embarrassing.
Doojoon just stared at him, frustrated in his humiliation.
“I’m sure it’s not nearly as bad as you think,” Junhyung tried.
“It’s about… Yoseob.”
“O..kay?” Junhyung was well and truly lost now. Doojoon knew Yoseob better than anyone and their relationship had been moving along just fine without outside interference. He wasn’t sure what kind of advice he could offer about the younger man. Even if Doojoon had somehow pissed Yoseob off - which was a lot easier than most people seemed to think, though Doojoon was usually pretty good at avoiding his boyfriend’s temper - Junhyung wasn’t really qualified to offer pointers for getting out of it. On the other hand… Doojoon probably wasn’t used to begging a lover’s forgiveness. “If it’s a choice between flowers and chocolate, choose chocolate. It just tends to work better and no, I have no idea why.” He paused, frowning for a moment as something occurred to him. “It’s Yoseob, though, so sugar is probably a bad idea.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Doojoon shook his head. “I know how to apologize to Yoseob and he’s not mad at me. The little shit thinks it’s funny.”
“Well how am I supposed to know? You ask for my advice, but you don’t tell me a damned thing.”
“Sex, okay! I need your advice about sex!”
“Oh god, Doojoon, if you can’t get it up for him then I really can not help you. They make pills for that. I’m pretty sure you can even order them online where no one will ever know.”
Though now that he thought about it, Junhyung could totally understand why Doojoon was so embarrassed. He wouldn’t have thought Yoseob was cruel enough to laugh about it, but sometimes he did have a twisted since of humor.
“Look, I can get it up just fine, thanks. Better than fine, even. I have a harder time keeping it down at inappropriate times! He walks into the room and it’s up,” Doojoon exclaimed, getting defensive.
“TMI, Doojoon. Seriously. I need like… brain soap or something now.”
He was never going to be able to do an interview or go on stage with his bandmates again without thinking about that. Granted, it was something of a no-brainer, something he’d known on an intellectual level ever since the pair had begun officially going out but he never let himself think about.
Now there was no way to un-know it.
Doojoon sighed and covered his face again, muffling his words. “We tried … well… you know…” His hands dropped to make a vaguely obscene gesture that was apparently meant to convey what they’d tried, but really just confused Junhyung even worse. “And it didn’t work! It’s supposed to… But it-” He broke off looking helpless. “People have sex all the time! I don’t know what I did wrong!”
“What-” Junhyung broke off as he tried to piece together the bits he’d actually understood of the conversation. Then his own face was flushing. “Why are you asking me?? How the hell am I supposed to know how gay sex works? I date girls!”
Surely Doojoon didn’t honestly think he’d ever… Had he somehow given the impression that his experience was further reaching than it actually was? Junhyung couldn’t imagine that he’d ever said anything that could in any way be taken in that context, but sometimes he mouthed off without really thinking about what he was saying.
“I know you’ve had anal sex, Junhyung,” Doojoon replied, scowling.
“Who told you that!?”
“You did!”
Junhyung paled. “When the fuck did I do that? And who else heard?”
Hyuna was going to kill him. Forget being part of Beast, they’d never find his body when she was done. It’d be in too many pieces.
Luckily, Doojoon just rolled his eyes. “Months ago. You were drunk off your ass and the others weren’t much better off.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. Doojoon was the only one freaky enough to remember the random male bragging and posturing that happened whenever they all broke out anything vaguely alcoholic. And if his leader hadn’t said anything in all this time, it was unlikely it was ever going to get back to Hyuna. “Which still doesn’t explain why you think I can help you now.”
“You’re the only guy I know who ever has.”
“With a girl.”
“An ass is an ass.”
Junhyung opened his mouth to protest, but snapped it shut instead. Doojoon had a point. The rapper sighed and rubbed his face. “Fine. What exactly went wrong?”
“Everything? How the hell am I supposed to know? If I did, I wouldn’t be in here with you. I’d be somewhere else with Yoseob fixing this.”
“I cannot believe I’m having this conversation with you,” Junhyung muttered, dropping his hand.
Doojoon crossed his arms and looked annoyed. “You think I like it? This is the most humiliating moment of my life….” He paused and reconsidered before making a face. “Second most humiliating moment in my life. Directly caused by the first.”
“You used lube? Prepped him right?”
“Of course I used lube, I’m not an idiot.”
Junhyung coughed and looked away because honestly, his opinion on that right that second would get him into trouble. “Did you use too much?”
“I… don’t think so? How the hell do you know if you used too much?”
Promising himself that he’d drink this entire conversation right out of memory later, Junhyung shrugged. “If you’re slipping and sliding, but not actually going where you need to go, it’s too much. If there’s too much friction and drag, it’s not enough.”
“Oh…” Doojoon trailed off, thinking about that. “Maybe there was a little too much.”
He so did not need that mental image. “And prep? You can’t just jump straight in. You have to work up to it. It’s not as easy as … you know. The front door.”
The blank look on Doojoon’s face said a lot about what had probably gone wrong. Junhyung sighed again. They were both going to know far too much about each other’s sex lives by the time this was all over. But he’d rather deal with the embarrassment than have his friends hurt each other out of complete ignorance. “You have to build up to it a little at a time. Fingers and toys at first. Get your partner used to it before you start stuffing your dick places it wasn’t really meant to be. Geez… you do know what the internet is, right? I’m sure there are plenty of sites out there that cover the basic mechanics.”
“And when Gikwang or Hyunseung get nosy and see what I’m looking at?”
“It’s not like we don’t know you guys are going to have sex, Doojoon. We just… really try not to think about it. Same as you try not to think about any of us having sex.”
Doojoon mustered up a genuine grin. “I don’t know… could be hot…”
“Oh fuck you,” Junhyung laughed, reaching out and punching Doojoon’s shoulder. “Is that all or can we please get the hell out of here and pretend this never, ever happened?”
“Yes.” Doojoon had never been more agreeable.
Weeks later, long after the point where Junhyung was relatively sure they’d gotten the hang of it, he stumbled across a book while he was browsing online and he couldn’t resist the urge that possessed him. The look on Doojoon’s face when he pulled Gay Sex for Dummies out in front of the rest of the band made the entire thing worth it.
~*~*~
fin
Length: one-shot
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: R
Genre: humor, romance, sexual themes
Pairing/Characters: Junhyung, Dooseob
Warnings: RPS, sexual themes
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: I've actually had this idea sitting around in my folder for a few months, waiting for me to find the inspiration to work on it.
Dedicated to my favorite platypus for encouraging the corruption~<3 Love you, dongsaeng~
Summary: Sometimes being known for your expertise isn't a good thing...
~*~*~
Junhyung frowned and scribbled down words as hummed to himself. He wasn’t entirely sure he actually liked them. The problem with writing lyrics in English was that sometimes what he wanted to say just didn’t translate very well. Especially when he was also trying to make it rhyme and flow with the rest of the song. Still, as long as he wrote everything down, he usually managed to piece together something workable.
In general, he preferred to keep as much of his raps in his own language as he could manage.
“Hey, Junhyung?”
His automatic snap of annoyance died in his throat as he glanced up to see his band leader hovering beside his chair looking embarrassed and uncomfortable.
Beyond being one of the handful of people Junhyung genuinely respected, Doojoon was someone he admired for always being in control. Doojoon made being the leader look so cool and effortless. He was adaptable and never out of his depth. Junhyung had only ever seen Doojoon look even slightly frazzled a handful of times and all of those had involved extreme heights with very little between Doojoon and the ground.
Everyone was allowed their phobias, after all.
He tossed his pen and notebook on the table and sat up a little straighter. “Hey, Doojoon. What’s up?”
Doojoon grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. “Umm… Can I talk to you?”
“Yes?” Junhyung arched a brow before glancing over to see Gikwang staring at Doojoon’s ever-reddening face with open fascination. Perhaps the dressing room wasn’t the best place to have whatever conversation it was that Doojoon wanted to have. Gikwang, lovable goof that he was, wasn’t known for his discretion. “Ah. Yeah, come on.”
Luckily, he knew all the good spots in the building for privacy.
The older man followed him quietly until he had them both shut up in a little used utility closet on the top floor. Then he sighed, leaning back against the closed door and burying his face in his hands. His voice was muffled, but the undercurrent of desperation and mortification was still easy to hear. “I need your advice.”
Junhyung waited for a moment, but Doojoon went silent again. Either he couldn’t or really didn’t want to go on. “Okay?”
The blush from before was back in full force. His ears looked like they might glow from the bright red color. He made a strangled noise, but just shook his head.
Sighing, Junhyung reached out and pulled Doojoon’s hands away from his face. “Doojoon, I could give you all sorts of random advice, but it won’t do you any good if I don’t know what you need help with.”
He honestly couldn’t imagine what could possibly be so embarrassing.
Doojoon just stared at him, frustrated in his humiliation.
“I’m sure it’s not nearly as bad as you think,” Junhyung tried.
“It’s about… Yoseob.”
“O..kay?” Junhyung was well and truly lost now. Doojoon knew Yoseob better than anyone and their relationship had been moving along just fine without outside interference. He wasn’t sure what kind of advice he could offer about the younger man. Even if Doojoon had somehow pissed Yoseob off - which was a lot easier than most people seemed to think, though Doojoon was usually pretty good at avoiding his boyfriend’s temper - Junhyung wasn’t really qualified to offer pointers for getting out of it. On the other hand… Doojoon probably wasn’t used to begging a lover’s forgiveness. “If it’s a choice between flowers and chocolate, choose chocolate. It just tends to work better and no, I have no idea why.” He paused, frowning for a moment as something occurred to him. “It’s Yoseob, though, so sugar is probably a bad idea.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Doojoon shook his head. “I know how to apologize to Yoseob and he’s not mad at me. The little shit thinks it’s funny.”
“Well how am I supposed to know? You ask for my advice, but you don’t tell me a damned thing.”
“Sex, okay! I need your advice about sex!”
“Oh god, Doojoon, if you can’t get it up for him then I really can not help you. They make pills for that. I’m pretty sure you can even order them online where no one will ever know.”
Though now that he thought about it, Junhyung could totally understand why Doojoon was so embarrassed. He wouldn’t have thought Yoseob was cruel enough to laugh about it, but sometimes he did have a twisted since of humor.
“Look, I can get it up just fine, thanks. Better than fine, even. I have a harder time keeping it down at inappropriate times! He walks into the room and it’s up,” Doojoon exclaimed, getting defensive.
“TMI, Doojoon. Seriously. I need like… brain soap or something now.”
He was never going to be able to do an interview or go on stage with his bandmates again without thinking about that. Granted, it was something of a no-brainer, something he’d known on an intellectual level ever since the pair had begun officially going out but he never let himself think about.
Now there was no way to un-know it.
Doojoon sighed and covered his face again, muffling his words. “We tried … well… you know…” His hands dropped to make a vaguely obscene gesture that was apparently meant to convey what they’d tried, but really just confused Junhyung even worse. “And it didn’t work! It’s supposed to… But it-” He broke off looking helpless. “People have sex all the time! I don’t know what I did wrong!”
“What-” Junhyung broke off as he tried to piece together the bits he’d actually understood of the conversation. Then his own face was flushing. “Why are you asking me?? How the hell am I supposed to know how gay sex works? I date girls!”
Surely Doojoon didn’t honestly think he’d ever… Had he somehow given the impression that his experience was further reaching than it actually was? Junhyung couldn’t imagine that he’d ever said anything that could in any way be taken in that context, but sometimes he mouthed off without really thinking about what he was saying.
“I know you’ve had anal sex, Junhyung,” Doojoon replied, scowling.
“Who told you that!?”
“You did!”
Junhyung paled. “When the fuck did I do that? And who else heard?”
Hyuna was going to kill him. Forget being part of Beast, they’d never find his body when she was done. It’d be in too many pieces.
Luckily, Doojoon just rolled his eyes. “Months ago. You were drunk off your ass and the others weren’t much better off.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. Doojoon was the only one freaky enough to remember the random male bragging and posturing that happened whenever they all broke out anything vaguely alcoholic. And if his leader hadn’t said anything in all this time, it was unlikely it was ever going to get back to Hyuna. “Which still doesn’t explain why you think I can help you now.”
“You’re the only guy I know who ever has.”
“With a girl.”
“An ass is an ass.”
Junhyung opened his mouth to protest, but snapped it shut instead. Doojoon had a point. The rapper sighed and rubbed his face. “Fine. What exactly went wrong?”
“Everything? How the hell am I supposed to know? If I did, I wouldn’t be in here with you. I’d be somewhere else with Yoseob fixing this.”
“I cannot believe I’m having this conversation with you,” Junhyung muttered, dropping his hand.
Doojoon crossed his arms and looked annoyed. “You think I like it? This is the most humiliating moment of my life….” He paused and reconsidered before making a face. “Second most humiliating moment in my life. Directly caused by the first.”
“You used lube? Prepped him right?”
“Of course I used lube, I’m not an idiot.”
Junhyung coughed and looked away because honestly, his opinion on that right that second would get him into trouble. “Did you use too much?”
“I… don’t think so? How the hell do you know if you used too much?”
Promising himself that he’d drink this entire conversation right out of memory later, Junhyung shrugged. “If you’re slipping and sliding, but not actually going where you need to go, it’s too much. If there’s too much friction and drag, it’s not enough.”
“Oh…” Doojoon trailed off, thinking about that. “Maybe there was a little too much.”
He so did not need that mental image. “And prep? You can’t just jump straight in. You have to work up to it. It’s not as easy as … you know. The front door.”
The blank look on Doojoon’s face said a lot about what had probably gone wrong. Junhyung sighed again. They were both going to know far too much about each other’s sex lives by the time this was all over. But he’d rather deal with the embarrassment than have his friends hurt each other out of complete ignorance. “You have to build up to it a little at a time. Fingers and toys at first. Get your partner used to it before you start stuffing your dick places it wasn’t really meant to be. Geez… you do know what the internet is, right? I’m sure there are plenty of sites out there that cover the basic mechanics.”
“And when Gikwang or Hyunseung get nosy and see what I’m looking at?”
“It’s not like we don’t know you guys are going to have sex, Doojoon. We just… really try not to think about it. Same as you try not to think about any of us having sex.”
Doojoon mustered up a genuine grin. “I don’t know… could be hot…”
“Oh fuck you,” Junhyung laughed, reaching out and punching Doojoon’s shoulder. “Is that all or can we please get the hell out of here and pretend this never, ever happened?”
“Yes.” Doojoon had never been more agreeable.
Weeks later, long after the point where Junhyung was relatively sure they’d gotten the hang of it, he stumbled across a book while he was browsing online and he couldn’t resist the urge that possessed him. The look on Doojoon’s face when he pulled Gay Sex for Dummies out in front of the rest of the band made the entire thing worth it.
~*~*~
fin