fic: Only 13 (Henry-centric)
Title: Only 13
Length: One-Shot
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: G
Genre: angst, friendship
Pairing/Characters: Henry, Kangin, Eeteuk (maybe Kangteuk if you squint really, really hard)
Warnings: RPF
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: I think I'm writing more Super Junior right now than anything else... >_> This fic came about largely because of a certain unnamed friend of mine's grr'ness at Eeteuk fanning the 'only 13' flame there for a while. I like Eeteuk, dammit. And I can think of several reasons why he wouldn't want the band to expand anymore - this is just the one that I prefer.
Also, I'm still fairly new to the Super Junior fandom, so... >_> sorry if I'm wildly OOC and horribly cliche. I don't know any better yet?
Summary: Maybe it wasn't meant to be personal, but it sure as hell was to him.
~*~*~*~
Having thousands of fans boo his performance had arguably been one of the lowest points in Henry's life. He was half a world away from home, away from everything familiar and comforting, in a foreign country surrounded by foreign voices. He'd been having a hard enough time adjusting before those voices had turned hostile. Now it was only his innate pride and determination to thumb his nose at them all that kept him from tucking his tail between his legs and scurrying back home to a place where his talent was appreciated.
Pride, determination, and the sympathetic support of the friends and quasi-band mates he'd come to rely on.
Somehow he'd thought that with the band behind him, he could take anything that got dished out.
As it got worse, as 'only 13' became the chant of his nightmares, he'd kept his head up and pushed forward.
Until he'd realized that not all of those hostile voices were coming from the outside.
And that - more than anything else - was what truly hurt. Hearing Jungsu insist that Super Junior was only a thirteen member band... Seeing someone he'd grown to like, to count on, fan the flames that were threatening to consume him...
That was what almost broke Henry.
He'd gone out of his way to avoid Jungsu, numb and betrayed and deathly afraid that if he had to face the older man, he really would shatter completely. Jungsu had made it easy for him, obviously not wanting to be near the interloper any more than Henry wanted to be near him.
So it was a surprise one day to pack up his sports bag and start to head out of the studio only to find himself face to face with the band leader that didn't want him. Even more so, when Jungsu stopped him rather than let him skirt around and scuttle away.
“It's not personal.”
All Henry could do was blink in confusion. It was the first words Jungsu had spoken to him since the entire debacle had started.
Jungsu made a frustrated face and sighed before continuing. “It's not that I don't like you. I want you to be happy and successful.”
Ok.... Henry opened his mouth - maybe to thank Jungsu, maybe to ask him to repeat that , slower, because he wasn't sure he'd translated it right in his head - but Jungsu kept going.
“I just don't want it to be with us.”
The older man was mostly out the door - shuffling around an irritated looking Youngwoon - before Henry managed to find his voice again.
“How is that not personal?!” he yelled, frustrated and hurt and very, very close to throwing his bag at the back of the other man's head.
Jungsu didn't stop.
Henry didn't expect him to.
~*~*~
“It's not you,” Youngwoon said, offering him a steaming up of hot chocolate. “It's not personal.”
Henry made a face. Having Youngwoon repeat it didn't make the words any easier to take. “It's personal to me.”
Sighing, Youngwoon sat back and glanced around the small coffee shop they'd found tucked away several blocks from the studio. Henry would have preferred to keep walking - maybe even walk all the way back to Canada, or at least to a boat or a plane that would take him there - but Youngwoon had said there was no sense in turning into popsicles.
Being an unfeeling popsicle didn't sound so bad just then, as far as Henry was concerned. Besides, he liked the cold. It was the closest feeling of home he'd managed to find the entire time he'd been in Korea.
“He'd probably be a lot worse if it was someone he didn't like.”
“But why?” Because more than anything, that's what he wanted to know.
Why am I not good enough?
Youngwoon bit his lip, seeming to debate something with himself for a moment before leaning forward decisively. “Jungsu isn't always the best leader. “He quirked a grin. “He just really sucks at most of it, honestly.”
“I noticed,” Henry muttered.
“When they put us all together, we knew we were just a project group. It was never any secret. They chose Jungsu to be leader because he's the oldest and nobody else wanted the title.” He shuddered in mock horror. “Can you imagine being put in charge of Heechul?”
Even Henry had to grin at that. There wasn't enough money or fame in all the world worth that.
“There were twelve of us then,” Youngwoon's voice softened with memory. “They put us together, put Jungsu in charge, and said 'There. These boys are your responsibility. This is your family. Take care of them and love them as if they always have been.'” He glanced up at Henry. “Whatever else anyone can say about him, no one can say he didn't take those words to heart.”
“I get that, but-”
Youngwoon cut him off, shaking his head. “No you don't. Not really.”
He sighed, looking away again. “Right before we debuted-”
“There was a switch. Someone left and Ryeowook took his place. Youngwoon, I know that.” And he didn't see what it had to do with the way Jungsu was treating him now. If anything, it proved that changes just made the band stronger.
“It kind of drove home exactly what 'project group' really meant,” Youngwoon said softly, serious eyes meeting Henry's. “We weren't a real band, not really. Any one of us could be switched out at any time and there was nothing anyone could do or say about it. Not even our 'band leader'.”
Henry frowned slightly.
“I thought there was an incident, something...” He trailed off, trying to remember exactly what he'd heard about that first switch.
Youngwoon acknowledged the point with a nod, sighing again. “There was and honestly, most of us were okay with it. I'm pretty sure we all like Ryeowook better than... well...” he grimaced slightly and looked away. “Jungsu took it hard, though. They told him to treat us like his family and then they started interfering with it and messing it up. To him, families work out their problems, they don't just cast one brother out and go shopping for a new one.”
That actually made sense to Henry and he nodded slowly.
“If Ryeowook wasn't so... Wook-ish, I don't think things would have ended as well as they did. Jungsu didn't even stand a chance.” They shared a smile at the thought of anyone being able to resist the 'eternal magnae' for long. Ryeowook had 'cute' and 'sweet' and 'vulnerable' down to an art form and it was even more effective because he wasn't even trying, it was just how he was. “But even accepting Ryeowook, now we all understood where we really stood in everything. We were only going to be together for a year and who knew what changes they were going to make.”
He paused to fiddle with his cup, taking a sip before speaking again. “When they showed up with Kyuhyun... well... We were trying to figure out how to cope with the realization that this was it, we were almost done and we were about to have to start saying our goodbyes.”
“Except it didn't work out like that,” Henry inserted softly.
Youngwoon smiled. “No. It didn't work out like that. It almost did, though. Hell, half of us were already packed up, trying to make travel and break arrangements based on what little idea we had on when it was actually going to happen. Geng, especially, was freaking out a little. Even for a pop star, you can't just hop on a plane from one country to the another without some kind of warning, you know?” Henry nodded, knowing from first hand experience how difficult it was to make use of their infrequent time off for trips back home. “And Jungsu...” Youngwoon's smile was fond. “He really stepped up, acted like the leader he was supposed to be, demanding an actual time table so everyone could solidify their plans Or Else.”
That was hard to imagine, but Henry just made a soft noise of acknowledgment as he tried to picture anything other than the usually failed attempts at Serious Band Leaderness that Jungsu usually projected.
“And then the funniest, greatest thing happened.” Youngwoon actually laughed softly. “They decided to keep us together after all. They never really explained why, and most of us were too grateful to look the gift horse in the mouth, so to speak. They told Jungsu, 'Ok. This is it. This is your family. No more changes, no more axes hanging over everyone's head. It's okay to get attached now.' Not that we all weren't already, but still.” He shook his head. “They weren't going to mess with our family anymore. And for once, they kept their word.” His gaze was sincere and serious when he looked at Henry. “Until you.”
Henry let his head hang slightly. “Then he's never going to accept me.”
Frankly, if Jungsu really looked at the whole situation as Youngwoon had just painted it, well.... Henry wasn't even sure he could honestly blame the older man for that anymore.
But Youngwoon just laughed again and reached over to smack his shoulder hard enough to be playful, but gentle enough to convey the comfort it was intended for. “I wouldn't worry about it too much. He'll come around. Right now, he just sees the threat to his family. Eventually, he'll remember that families grow all the time and it's something to celebrate, not something to fight against.”
“And until he does?” Henry asked, taking in a deep breath and letting himself hope that maybe Youngwoon was right.
Youngwoon shrugged, grinning. “Just keep being yourself. He's got a soft spot for cute little puppies and the kicked puppy routine works like a charm. He especially hates it when he's the one doing the kicking. When he finally gets over himself, he'll be coo'ing over you like a mama bird and pecking out eyes to protect you.”
As he finished his hot chocolate and listened as Youngwoon launched into a particularly entertaining tale about a bully of a trainee, Ryeowook, Jungsu, and a bottle of creatively used nail polish, Henry's heart felt lighter and he thought that just maybe, he really could handle a few silly fangirls and their 'only 13' nonsense if it meant he got to be a part of this insane, insanely wonderful family.
~*~*
fin
Length: One-Shot
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: G
Genre: angst, friendship
Pairing/Characters: Henry, Kangin, Eeteuk (maybe Kangteuk if you squint really, really hard)
Warnings: RPF
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: I think I'm writing more Super Junior right now than anything else... >_> This fic came about largely because of a certain unnamed friend of mine's grr'ness at Eeteuk fanning the 'only 13' flame there for a while. I like Eeteuk, dammit. And I can think of several reasons why he wouldn't want the band to expand anymore - this is just the one that I prefer.
Also, I'm still fairly new to the Super Junior fandom, so... >_> sorry if I'm wildly OOC and horribly cliche. I don't know any better yet?
Summary: Maybe it wasn't meant to be personal, but it sure as hell was to him.
~*~*~*~
Having thousands of fans boo his performance had arguably been one of the lowest points in Henry's life. He was half a world away from home, away from everything familiar and comforting, in a foreign country surrounded by foreign voices. He'd been having a hard enough time adjusting before those voices had turned hostile. Now it was only his innate pride and determination to thumb his nose at them all that kept him from tucking his tail between his legs and scurrying back home to a place where his talent was appreciated.
Pride, determination, and the sympathetic support of the friends and quasi-band mates he'd come to rely on.
Somehow he'd thought that with the band behind him, he could take anything that got dished out.
As it got worse, as 'only 13' became the chant of his nightmares, he'd kept his head up and pushed forward.
Until he'd realized that not all of those hostile voices were coming from the outside.
And that - more than anything else - was what truly hurt. Hearing Jungsu insist that Super Junior was only a thirteen member band... Seeing someone he'd grown to like, to count on, fan the flames that were threatening to consume him...
That was what almost broke Henry.
He'd gone out of his way to avoid Jungsu, numb and betrayed and deathly afraid that if he had to face the older man, he really would shatter completely. Jungsu had made it easy for him, obviously not wanting to be near the interloper any more than Henry wanted to be near him.
So it was a surprise one day to pack up his sports bag and start to head out of the studio only to find himself face to face with the band leader that didn't want him. Even more so, when Jungsu stopped him rather than let him skirt around and scuttle away.
“It's not personal.”
All Henry could do was blink in confusion. It was the first words Jungsu had spoken to him since the entire debacle had started.
Jungsu made a frustrated face and sighed before continuing. “It's not that I don't like you. I want you to be happy and successful.”
Ok.... Henry opened his mouth - maybe to thank Jungsu, maybe to ask him to repeat that , slower, because he wasn't sure he'd translated it right in his head - but Jungsu kept going.
“I just don't want it to be with us.”
The older man was mostly out the door - shuffling around an irritated looking Youngwoon - before Henry managed to find his voice again.
“How is that not personal?!” he yelled, frustrated and hurt and very, very close to throwing his bag at the back of the other man's head.
Jungsu didn't stop.
Henry didn't expect him to.
~*~*~
“It's not you,” Youngwoon said, offering him a steaming up of hot chocolate. “It's not personal.”
Henry made a face. Having Youngwoon repeat it didn't make the words any easier to take. “It's personal to me.”
Sighing, Youngwoon sat back and glanced around the small coffee shop they'd found tucked away several blocks from the studio. Henry would have preferred to keep walking - maybe even walk all the way back to Canada, or at least to a boat or a plane that would take him there - but Youngwoon had said there was no sense in turning into popsicles.
Being an unfeeling popsicle didn't sound so bad just then, as far as Henry was concerned. Besides, he liked the cold. It was the closest feeling of home he'd managed to find the entire time he'd been in Korea.
“He'd probably be a lot worse if it was someone he didn't like.”
“But why?” Because more than anything, that's what he wanted to know.
Why am I not good enough?
Youngwoon bit his lip, seeming to debate something with himself for a moment before leaning forward decisively. “Jungsu isn't always the best leader. “He quirked a grin. “He just really sucks at most of it, honestly.”
“I noticed,” Henry muttered.
“When they put us all together, we knew we were just a project group. It was never any secret. They chose Jungsu to be leader because he's the oldest and nobody else wanted the title.” He shuddered in mock horror. “Can you imagine being put in charge of Heechul?”
Even Henry had to grin at that. There wasn't enough money or fame in all the world worth that.
“There were twelve of us then,” Youngwoon's voice softened with memory. “They put us together, put Jungsu in charge, and said 'There. These boys are your responsibility. This is your family. Take care of them and love them as if they always have been.'” He glanced up at Henry. “Whatever else anyone can say about him, no one can say he didn't take those words to heart.”
“I get that, but-”
Youngwoon cut him off, shaking his head. “No you don't. Not really.”
He sighed, looking away again. “Right before we debuted-”
“There was a switch. Someone left and Ryeowook took his place. Youngwoon, I know that.” And he didn't see what it had to do with the way Jungsu was treating him now. If anything, it proved that changes just made the band stronger.
“It kind of drove home exactly what 'project group' really meant,” Youngwoon said softly, serious eyes meeting Henry's. “We weren't a real band, not really. Any one of us could be switched out at any time and there was nothing anyone could do or say about it. Not even our 'band leader'.”
Henry frowned slightly.
“I thought there was an incident, something...” He trailed off, trying to remember exactly what he'd heard about that first switch.
Youngwoon acknowledged the point with a nod, sighing again. “There was and honestly, most of us were okay with it. I'm pretty sure we all like Ryeowook better than... well...” he grimaced slightly and looked away. “Jungsu took it hard, though. They told him to treat us like his family and then they started interfering with it and messing it up. To him, families work out their problems, they don't just cast one brother out and go shopping for a new one.”
That actually made sense to Henry and he nodded slowly.
“If Ryeowook wasn't so... Wook-ish, I don't think things would have ended as well as they did. Jungsu didn't even stand a chance.” They shared a smile at the thought of anyone being able to resist the 'eternal magnae' for long. Ryeowook had 'cute' and 'sweet' and 'vulnerable' down to an art form and it was even more effective because he wasn't even trying, it was just how he was. “But even accepting Ryeowook, now we all understood where we really stood in everything. We were only going to be together for a year and who knew what changes they were going to make.”
He paused to fiddle with his cup, taking a sip before speaking again. “When they showed up with Kyuhyun... well... We were trying to figure out how to cope with the realization that this was it, we were almost done and we were about to have to start saying our goodbyes.”
“Except it didn't work out like that,” Henry inserted softly.
Youngwoon smiled. “No. It didn't work out like that. It almost did, though. Hell, half of us were already packed up, trying to make travel and break arrangements based on what little idea we had on when it was actually going to happen. Geng, especially, was freaking out a little. Even for a pop star, you can't just hop on a plane from one country to the another without some kind of warning, you know?” Henry nodded, knowing from first hand experience how difficult it was to make use of their infrequent time off for trips back home. “And Jungsu...” Youngwoon's smile was fond. “He really stepped up, acted like the leader he was supposed to be, demanding an actual time table so everyone could solidify their plans Or Else.”
That was hard to imagine, but Henry just made a soft noise of acknowledgment as he tried to picture anything other than the usually failed attempts at Serious Band Leaderness that Jungsu usually projected.
“And then the funniest, greatest thing happened.” Youngwoon actually laughed softly. “They decided to keep us together after all. They never really explained why, and most of us were too grateful to look the gift horse in the mouth, so to speak. They told Jungsu, 'Ok. This is it. This is your family. No more changes, no more axes hanging over everyone's head. It's okay to get attached now.' Not that we all weren't already, but still.” He shook his head. “They weren't going to mess with our family anymore. And for once, they kept their word.” His gaze was sincere and serious when he looked at Henry. “Until you.”
Henry let his head hang slightly. “Then he's never going to accept me.”
Frankly, if Jungsu really looked at the whole situation as Youngwoon had just painted it, well.... Henry wasn't even sure he could honestly blame the older man for that anymore.
But Youngwoon just laughed again and reached over to smack his shoulder hard enough to be playful, but gentle enough to convey the comfort it was intended for. “I wouldn't worry about it too much. He'll come around. Right now, he just sees the threat to his family. Eventually, he'll remember that families grow all the time and it's something to celebrate, not something to fight against.”
“And until he does?” Henry asked, taking in a deep breath and letting himself hope that maybe Youngwoon was right.
Youngwoon shrugged, grinning. “Just keep being yourself. He's got a soft spot for cute little puppies and the kicked puppy routine works like a charm. He especially hates it when he's the one doing the kicking. When he finally gets over himself, he'll be coo'ing over you like a mama bird and pecking out eyes to protect you.”
As he finished his hot chocolate and listened as Youngwoon launched into a particularly entertaining tale about a bully of a trainee, Ryeowook, Jungsu, and a bottle of creatively used nail polish, Henry's heart felt lighter and he thought that just maybe, he really could handle a few silly fangirls and their 'only 13' nonsense if it meant he got to be a part of this insane, insanely wonderful family.
~*~*
fin