Who will speak for the accused?
When I was teaching school kids for FACTS today one of the kids got behind me and yanked my ponytail backwards. Before I could think, I was reacting, and since somewhere back in my mind I realized the assailant wasn't a true threat (My sister grabs my ponytail a lot so I'm somewhat used to it), I got him on two pressure points on the back of the neck. They sting but wouldn't do serious damage, but I think I got him very accurately because he snapped his hand away and ran to the bathroom. I followed a bit after to the boy's bathroom and heard him crying. I froze, caught in my own little net of uncertainty. I didn't know what would cause more damage; barging in and seeing him in a moment of weakness (which would be the worst case if I was the one crying) or leaving him in there to feel like no one cared about his hurts. Both he and I were rescued by my teaching partner, Paul, who stepped in and said "I'll handle it." and let me go back and teach class.
Paul came back after about fifteen minutes and told me they needed me to file an incident report so they could cover themselves and protect me, should it come to that. So I went down, filed the report, and checked in on him (didn't show myself though, worried about forcing the issue with him, I guess) before going back and finishing class.
That's the end of the known part of this, anyway.
I think he's abused at home. I shouldn't make accusations like that, but he's very quiet, sullen, has low self-esteem and is confrontational if you don't keep group discipline strict, and those all, plus a gut feeling, make me wonder about how home life is. I'm worried he'll get in trouble for letting a "girly-looking" guy with long hair "beat him" if he ever talks about it.
Another thing that bothers me is how everyone just sort of assumes instead of reacting poorly (which is what i think I did, I should have reacted better to the situation), he was just lucky I was able to sheath my lethal instincts and hurt him instead of crack open his skull and drink his blood or something. "His hands are deadly weapons, he's not at fault if a kid jumps him and he hurts the kid" is the wrong idea, I think. I should have more control, be able to safely react to that situation specifically because I have training to handle it.
Also, no one seems to care about the kid at all, they just write him off as "a prick" and side with me, without even hearing the facts. I could sleep much more soundly if I knew they looked at the situation, thought, and then declared that he was in the wrong. But everyone just assumes I was right upon hearing my name, and his. "Oh, it's John and X, obviously X was at fault because that's who he is."
On the more selfish side of things, I didn't like how I just reacted like that. I got into martial arts so I would be more able to think past the killing rage I can find myself in. But my retaliation was worse, I wasn't even angry, I just...knew to break the grip. Theoretically I could have killed him with just my automatic reactions. I don't like that at all, I find it terrifying that all my work to gain self-control just made my dangerous side more volatile.
I'm going to talk about it to my sensei tomorrow, I hope he has some nice, encapsulated bit of wisdom on the subject or something, everyone else seems to have written the incident off and aren't sure why I'm so worked up over this. "Relax," they say, assuming I'm focused on myself, "you're not going to get in trouble for it." You're right, I'm not going to. I am.
Paul came back after about fifteen minutes and told me they needed me to file an incident report so they could cover themselves and protect me, should it come to that. So I went down, filed the report, and checked in on him (didn't show myself though, worried about forcing the issue with him, I guess) before going back and finishing class.
That's the end of the known part of this, anyway.
I think he's abused at home. I shouldn't make accusations like that, but he's very quiet, sullen, has low self-esteem and is confrontational if you don't keep group discipline strict, and those all, plus a gut feeling, make me wonder about how home life is. I'm worried he'll get in trouble for letting a "girly-looking" guy with long hair "beat him" if he ever talks about it.
Another thing that bothers me is how everyone just sort of assumes instead of reacting poorly (which is what i think I did, I should have reacted better to the situation), he was just lucky I was able to sheath my lethal instincts and hurt him instead of crack open his skull and drink his blood or something. "His hands are deadly weapons, he's not at fault if a kid jumps him and he hurts the kid" is the wrong idea, I think. I should have more control, be able to safely react to that situation specifically because I have training to handle it.
Also, no one seems to care about the kid at all, they just write him off as "a prick" and side with me, without even hearing the facts. I could sleep much more soundly if I knew they looked at the situation, thought, and then declared that he was in the wrong. But everyone just assumes I was right upon hearing my name, and his. "Oh, it's John and X, obviously X was at fault because that's who he is."
On the more selfish side of things, I didn't like how I just reacted like that. I got into martial arts so I would be more able to think past the killing rage I can find myself in. But my retaliation was worse, I wasn't even angry, I just...knew to break the grip. Theoretically I could have killed him with just my automatic reactions. I don't like that at all, I find it terrifying that all my work to gain self-control just made my dangerous side more volatile.
I'm going to talk about it to my sensei tomorrow, I hope he has some nice, encapsulated bit of wisdom on the subject or something, everyone else seems to have written the incident off and aren't sure why I'm so worked up over this. "Relax," they say, assuming I'm focused on myself, "you're not going to get in trouble for it." You're right, I'm not going to. I am.