Following up from the post with the UPS ninjas:
Have not seen actual UPS ninjas, which proves nothing, I know. Am, however, hopeful they are not after me as I have also not found shuriken embedded in my walls, nor other implements of ninja deadliness.
Also. Federal Express picked up the mysterious package of mysteriousness...and apparently re-delivered it to yet another wrong address. The person they re-delivered it to walked over to our house and told us, very firmly, that the address on the package was our address. Which. No. No it is not. I was a little worried that telling them that the package was both addressed to someone who is not me or anyone I know, and the actual address is all the way across town - many miles from where we live - would end in a fistfight. (...Not really, but they were clearly annoyed - as if we were to blame, I guess? Or maybe theirs is the house that gets ALL of the mysterious packages of mysteriousness and they were upset that we got this one first? IDK.)
I ended up e-mailing Federal Express again about the matter, and they were all :DDDDDD and happy to help? And then did the same thing, only they picked a different house, and that person was ever so much more polite when they gave us back the (I can only assume it is cursed in some way, or perhaps we are?) mysterious package of mysteriousness. It has been almost two weeks, by this point. And while I understand not even Federal Express is without an occasional oopsie, this is a little ridiculous.
My mother is now afraid of the mysterious package of mysteriousness, and has offered up various possibilities of what may be inside. Like a human head. I, however, remain strong in my conviction that the average human head weighs more than the mysterious package of mysteriousness. She then said maybe it is a dried human head. Or, like. A dried shrunken human head. I was just. WHAT IS YOUR DEAL? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE A HUMAN HEAD? IT COULD EASILY BE ANY OTHER HUMAN BODY PART, OR PERHAPS MANY HUMAN BODY PARTS ALL NEATLY CHOPPED UP AND WRAPPED IN BUTCHER PAPER AND TWINE, at which point I realized I had been drawn into her special world of crazy, yet again. *hands*
Realizing that Federal Express will be of no help in this situation, I finally turned to Google Maps and tomorrow will venture across town to deliver the mysterious package of mysteriousness to the correct recipient. If it then somehow finds its way back to our front door, I will salt and burn it and wish the Winchesters were real, actual people who, I don't know, worked for Federal Express and would know how to deal with the mysterious package of mysteriousness or something.
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