(no subject)
For the holidays I was gifted with books, as I am a great fan of them. However, the best of all books I received this holiday season were the ones that will allow me to survive the various forms of beings in the world intent on killing me because they are made of evil/teach me important life skills.
For an example: Gnomes. Yes, I know. Television shows such as The World of David the Gnome and even South Park with its episode featuring the Underpants Gnomes depict gnomes as being, in general, friendly, benign beings, even though they are apparently not so great at business plans.
Lies, my friends. Big fat lies. Gnomes, in particular Garden Gnomes? They want you dead. Deader than dead, even. I, too, was unaware of the evil lurking in their cold, dead hearts, until
scorpionvoices gifted me with this book, which has taught me the error of my ways and also helped me prepare defenses for a Garden Gnome attack. We should all be so lucky to have friends like her looking out for our well-being.
For another example: If you are like me, there are a great many things you do not know, but would love to learn. Some of these things may be as simple as making a potato clock or delivering a baby in a taxi. (Who hasn't run into that situation from time to time?) Then there are the kind of things you need to know in order to not die, such as how to (successfully) wrestle an alligator or navigate the jungle. Also, and I know I'm not the only one out there, but who doesn't need to know how to escape from a straight jacket or perform a bootlegger turn? This book shows you how to do all of these things and more in an entertaining and funtastic way.
(It's important to note that there is a section that teaches you how to disguise yourself as a zombie, which may or may not come in handy when the zombie apocalypse takes place. On one hand, you will blend in with the zombie horde, which will buy you time before they realize you are not, in fact a zombie and still have tasty, tasty brainmeats for them to devour, but on the other hand? Your fellow zombie apocalypse survivors may have difficulty distinguishing you from other zombies, putting you at risk of being shot/axed/stabbed/run over/otherwise dispatched by friendlies.)
Posted at http://kitsune-tsuki.dreamwidth.org/328831.html. | You can reply here or there. |
For an example: Gnomes. Yes, I know. Television shows such as The World of David the Gnome and even South Park with its episode featuring the Underpants Gnomes depict gnomes as being, in general, friendly, benign beings, even though they are apparently not so great at business plans.
Lies, my friends. Big fat lies. Gnomes, in particular Garden Gnomes? They want you dead. Deader than dead, even. I, too, was unaware of the evil lurking in their cold, dead hearts, until
scorpionvoices gifted me with this book, which has taught me the error of my ways and also helped me prepare defenses for a Garden Gnome attack. We should all be so lucky to have friends like her looking out for our well-being.
For another example: If you are like me, there are a great many things you do not know, but would love to learn. Some of these things may be as simple as making a potato clock or delivering a baby in a taxi. (Who hasn't run into that situation from time to time?) Then there are the kind of things you need to know in order to not die, such as how to (successfully) wrestle an alligator or navigate the jungle. Also, and I know I'm not the only one out there, but who doesn't need to know how to escape from a straight jacket or perform a bootlegger turn? This book shows you how to do all of these things and more in an entertaining and funtastic way.
(It's important to note that there is a section that teaches you how to disguise yourself as a zombie, which may or may not come in handy when the zombie apocalypse takes place. On one hand, you will blend in with the zombie horde, which will buy you time before they realize you are not, in fact a zombie and still have tasty, tasty brainmeats for them to devour, but on the other hand? Your fellow zombie apocalypse survivors may have difficulty distinguishing you from other zombies, putting you at risk of being shot/axed/stabbed/run over/otherwise dispatched by friendlies.)
Posted at http://kitsune-tsuki.dreamwidth.org/328831.html. | You can reply here or there. |