[FIC] Butterfly - Never Again
Title: Butterfly - Never Again
Author: kitsune_hikaru
Category: One-Shot
Pairing: JinDa, RyoPiN friendship
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, happy? T____T
Summary: For Jin to fly high, he needs a pair of ‘wings’, and a place to perch on.
Warning: Un-betaed. Really...
A/N: Sequel to Butterfly. Sorry, turns out to be longer than I expected. Dedicated to my JinDa soulmate, jarithka because I love her~ And also for sakurascorpion because she and I are like JinDa female version. (The platonic one of course) ^^
Ueda whirled, letting himself drown in his imaginary music ringing in his mind, flowing in his vein. He faintly heard his feet brushing lightly on the hardwood floor, swept away by the dance choreography movements. Each steps sounded like a soft thump before sweeping away into the next turn, rise and fall, lighter than air. Each motion landed lighter than new snow. Ueda let his mind twisting and seething, a tumult of emotion, truth and sorrow. It flooded him, both mentally and physically.
As he was done, he took a while stabilizing his own breath. He stared at his drenching image at the huge mirror on one side of the dancing hall, before he notice Ryo was leaning his side against the doorjamb, watching him blankly. Ueda greeted the man with a polite smile, not knowing how long Ryo had been standing there. He was too absorbed in his practice to even notice anyone.
“Why are you doing an extra dance practice alone?” It was Ryo who broke the silence.
Ueda looked up at him through his reflection before slowly moving to pick his bottle. “It’s rare to see you alone,” Ueda said after swigging some water. “At least in the Jimusho.”
Ryo rolled his eyes, folding his arms on his chest. “You know it would be very polite if you could at least answer my question,” and he formed a small visible pout on his lips. Ueda can’t help but to laugh at Ryo’s silly expression.
“Your dance looked puzzled,” Ryo continued after a short silence between them. Ryo wasn’t offended about that though. He knew Ueda wasn’t the type to get all talkative to everyone.
Ueda stood unspoken for a while, before he bent to snatch his towel. “I’m never good in dancing,” Ryo’s eyebrows twitched at Ueda’s answer. That’s not what he wanted to hear from the older man.
“I’m waiting for Pi to finish packing his things,” Ryo decided to drive the conversation differently. “We’re going to pick Jin up,” Ryo paused, eying the boxer for any hint. “He is done with his filming, you know,” Ryo flicked his fingers a bit. The atmosphere was heavy with silence for a while. “Do you want to join us?” Ryo finally asked.
“No, thanks,” Ueda smiled, wiping away his sweat as he slowly shook his head. “Just... Say hi to him for me, okay,”
Ryo expelled various creative pouts as he observed Ueda’s indifferent reaction. It really wasn’t his business at all. At one point he used to ignore Jin and Ueda’s relationship. But lately Jin had been too depressed about it, and too stubborn to even act. “You should have stopped him that time. You hurt him, you know,” Ryo blurted out in accused manner.
Ueda stared back at Ryo, eyes narrowed. Hurt evidence in his eyes. “Ryo, I know we’re not friends or anything, but you’re being too biased here. The one who left was him, not me. I should be the one hurt the most,” Ueda argued, stashing his stuff into his bag. “Jin is an individualistic guy, do you seriously thought I can stop him if he wants to go?” Ryo could hear Ueda’s voice shaking, and he needn’t look to know Ueda was trying his hard to say those words.
“I hate you,” Ryo mumbled, rolling his eyes dramatically.
“I know. You don’t have to repeat that,” Ueda snorted.
“What?” Ryo blinked, as the reply sunk into his mind. “No, no, the one I said years back wasn’t real, you should know that. I’m referring to something else right now,” he vehemently shook his head, then heavily grunted in frustration. “Why do you always have to over think things?” he frowned hard.
Ueda glared at Ryo for a while, shouldering his bag as he walked pass Ryo. But he stopped when he stepped outside, realizing Yamapi was standing not too far from them. Yamapi raised his head, meeting Ueda’s stunned expression.
“Sorry,” Yamapi gulped, bowing a bit. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” his voice was low, probably worried if he sounded impolite. Ryo was a bit surprised to see Yamapi was there, but he knew his friend will be there any second from then anyway. Ueda didn’t say anything, he didn’t care. Ryo and Yamapi are practically living together with Jin after all. He took a deep breath before he walked away, leaving the two best friends in an awkward environment.
*****
Ueda huddled up on his sofa while draining his hair after a comfortable warm bath. He threw his manga he had been reading on his table and switched on his TV, more as a background noise. His attention occupied by the thoughts he had been putting off all day, letting the light from the TV flickered across his face. Reluctantly he reached for his cell phone, typing something that sounds like “I’m bored” and scrolled for Koki’s name but stopped half way as his mind flew towards Jin again.
It’s been a year since Jin left, both him and KAT-TUN. It’s been that long, he should have get over it already. But no, he couldn’t lie to himself. Even if they are no longer in a relationship, and they rarely keep contact, Ueda never missed Jin’s development and news. No one can deny how high Jin had flown since he was set free. He got a strong base since he was a junior, that was to be expected of course. It’s just that, without Jin, Ueda felt lonely. Ueda sighed, remembering how much he had disturbed Koki with his selfishness and loneliness since Jin gone. Koki was well aware with their relationship, and Koki was the one willing to be Ueda’s strength when he saw the older man dissipated in emotions. Slowly Ueda pushed the cancel button. He doesn’t want to take any advantage on Koki’s kindness anymore. That boy had done a lot for the group. It is time he confront his own problem. His fingers started to type a new message.
“How does it feels to fly, Jin?” he hesitated for a while but he sent the text nonetheless. Just a second later he ground up, drowning in his own ambiguity. He felt his throat dry. So he picked himself up, heading towards the kitchen for a drink and munched some milk crepes to calm himself down.
When his cell vibrated, he flipped it open reading a text message received. “I’m in front of your house,” and Ueda bit his lips, pondering on whether he should confront the younger man. The knock had barely sounded before he flung the door open. Jin was standing illegibly, chest heaving, probably because he rushed there. His eyes suddenly seemed impossibly eloquent.
“It’s been fun,” Jin suddenly said. “I had never been happier.” It took Ueda a while to register what Jin was saying, before he remembered the question he texted Jin not too long ago. He slowly nodded his head, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“I’m glad,” Ueda whispered, ushering Jin to come in.
“You still have the habit of not kicking people out,” Jin teased, grinning like an idiot as he stepped into the living room.
Ueda rolled his eyes. “And you still have the habit of bugging people at night. Where’s Ryo and Pi?” he slumped himself on his own couch followed by Jin. Slightly felt relieved that they can act civil enough to at least be like friends.
“At my house,” Jin answered nonchalantly, and Ueda pulled an eyebrow up at the statement. “I mean...” Jin stuttered, struggling with words when he realized Ueda directly stared at him. “We just got back from the airport and they’re tired, you know,” and Jin grinned nervously, as if he had done a big mistake. Ueda sighed, picking himself up and headed towards the kitchen.
“You shouldn’t leave your guests behind, it’s impolite,” Ueda’s tone was low. His hands pulled out two cups from the kitchen cabinet and placed them on the counter.
“Well, Ryo and Pi are like my house occupants, they’re not really guests,” Jin tilted his head, trailing behind Ueda. “They can help themselves even if I’m not at home,” Jin knew Ueda wasn’t the type who would neglect his guests no matter what time that is. For a second Jin was wondering which part of this fact that disturbed his former band mate; the fact that he left guests behind, or the fact that he is too close to those two NEWS members. “Are you, by any chance... jealous?” Jin gathered his courage to ask.
Ueda’s swift hand paused, glancing at Jin from the corner of his eyes before resuming his coffee making. And Jin fidgeted with his lips pursed. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m always happier with them. But I’m always happiest when you’re around,” Jin almost whispered, but audible enough for the latter to hear, blushing deep red as he could feel his heart hammering inside his chest.
Ueda frowned. “Is there any conspiracy between the three of you?” he asked when he realized that Ryo had also almost cornered him into the subject that evening. If his memory served him right, Ryo and Yamapi had never once talked to him about anything Jin related before.
“I miss you,” Jin bit his lips. He had lost count on how much he said that to Ryo and Yamapi throughout the whole year. And he never cared if it annoyed his best friends. He just needed an escape, just someone who could listen to him, understand how he really feels about the whole situation.
“That’s odd,” Ueda replied, striving to look as indifferent as he could. “Since you were the one who left,” he paused when he felt something burning behind his eyes. “You don’t need me as much as you need them, do you?” Ueda would never lie, there was this one time he thought Jin and Ryo ended up together. It sounded silly because Jin, Ryo and Yamapi had been friends since forever, and there were never a time before their broke up that Ueda felt any jealousy towards them. Jin had always been the type who would rely on people, he hates being alone. Even though Ueda knew they already broke up, and Jin would definitely never seek him out during that period, somehow Ueda still hoped Jin would rely on him. And there was always this slight pang deep inside whenever he saw Ryo and Yamapi reaching out to Jin.
“They’re my wings, my strength,” Jin bit his lips again, voicing the words properly. “I won’t be where I am right now without them.”
Ueda had to fight against the pain threatening to overwhelm him. Finally, he managed to croak a reply with a little rusty voice. “I’m glad,” he shoved Jin a cup as he picked his own, tapping gently at the ceramic cup. He let his head leant forward so his hair fell, shielding him from Jin’s gaze.
“Can I come back to you?” Jin asked. Ueda almost choked on his coffee at the sudden blunt outburst. This was just too sudden for him, it didn’t make sense.
“I mean... It’s been fun... With Pi and Ryo but...” Jin stammered, eyes wandering around, trying to look as casual as he could. “It’s tiring... I want to come back home...”
“What does that has anything to do with me? You have Ryo and Pi,” Ueda scowled.
“See, you are jealous!” Jin suddenly beamed, pointing a finger towards Ueda, poking his cheek, making the older guy shifted in shock.
“Shut up!” Ueda blushed as he snapped Jin’s hand away. Jin was giggling like a school girl and Ueda cringed at the annoying sight.
“Don’t worry, Tat-chan,” Jin wrapped his arm around Ueda’s shoulder, pulling the man closer to him as if the awkward moments they had before were non-existent. “You have KAT-TUN and Mouse Peace too. What makes us any different?”
Ueda knitted his brows, looking at Jin. “What do KAT-TUN and Mouse Peace has anything to do with this?”
“I just thought that, just like how I have Ryo and Pi, you have KAT-TUN and Mouse Peace,” Jin said, rubbing his chin as he looked away, hiding the blush that crept up his cheeks. “I kinda a bit jealous about Masami too. And you’re a bit too close with Koki lately,” his voice was barely audible, looking down onto the floor. Ueda pulled up an eyebrow before bursting into laughter.
“What?” Jin exclaimed in protest, abruptly turning back to face the boxer.
“I didn’t know you were stalking me,” Ueda grinned widely.
“I didn’t stalk, I just...” Jin paused searching for the best word to get away with. “I just... keeping updated with entertainment industry?” and he tried to flash a clumsy shaky grin. “And it wasn’t me. It was Maru, he kept bugging me too much about it. He kept talking about you and... and... and...”
“Jin,” Ueda interrupted, sighing but the grin plastered on his face never faded. “You still have your old habit of blaming others,” he slowly shook his head.
Jin pouted but he smiled and pulled Ueda closer. “So, can I come back to you?” he asked again. “I know it was my fault and I learnt my lesson, and wasn’t it you who said people should be given at least the second chance?” Jin rambled. “And I mean it... Flying non-stop for a butterfly is too tiring and I need somewhere to perch on and it’s cold-”
“Cold?” Ueda looked back at Jin.
“Butterflies can’t fly with a cold body,” Jin grinned cheekily. “You know...” he cleared his throat, squeezing Ueda’s shoulder before moving his hand up to cup Ueda’s head. Carefully he leaned in, trying to capture the man’s lips but paused just a few inches away, as if Ueda would break with any of his unnecessary movements. “Ryo and Pi are just friends, really,” he whispered, trying to sound convincing before biting his lips. “A very important one,”
Ueda lowered his lashes, feathering chuckles on Jin’s face. “As long as they don’t have to be here when you’re with me,” he whispered back.
Jin grinned wider. “Don’t worry, when I’m home with you, I don’t need my ‘wings’.”
This time Ueda was unable to stop himself from reaching out and he didn't know who was more surprised - him or Jin - when he not only allowed Jin’s arms to wrap tentatively around his waist, but letting Jin to push him on the counter as he rested his forehead on Jin’s collarbone. He giggled when he felt Jin winced back as the tickling sensation ran through his vein.
“Can you... Stop touching that part of me,” Jin wriggled and crooked his shoulder, gently tugging Ueda away from his collarbone. Ueda could barely contain the urge to laugh at Jin’s childish nature as he bit his lips. The light and warm surrounding enveloped the couple just like how it used to be, and, in that moment, Ueda knew that he was indeed still in love with Jin. Loved him in a way that defied logic, transcended right and wrong, and would endure for all time, even though Ueda would be the one bothered by the younger man’s silly antics, even though Jin was unlikely to ever return the sentiment. Maybe Ryo was right after all. Maybe he shouldn't have think too much about this.
By the time their eyes met again, Ueda was amazed that he had never realized just how desperately Jin needed someone to care about him. And Ueda had never appreciated eye contacts more than he did at that moment. Without further thought he reached out and cupped Jin’s cheek, and he gave in to the reeling senses and turmoil emotions whirling fervently inside him as he leant forward to kiss the lips he had long missed. He could feel Jin’s hand locked behind his back, pulling him closer before reciprocating the kiss, pouring the whole emotions they’ve been holding back. Ueda could feel his vehement walls crumbling some more at the slow, soft, hesitant touch of their mouths. He melted into Jin’s chest, feeling the way Jin’s hands caressed softly, possessively down his back.
“Break my heart again, and I’ll use you as the punching bag,” Ueda half-snarled into Jin’s mouth.
“Never,” Jin whispered against his lips, hoping the latter heard him. He pulled away for a while, observing the vulnerability, the fear of abandonment, the terror Ueda had of being left alone again. Instantly, Jin looked back reassuringly as he mirrored his own self inside the boxer’s eyes. He bent forward again for another amorous kiss as his tongue slid slowly over Ueda’s lower lips and swept inside, exploring his lover’s wet cavern in slow slick sweeps, twisting sinuously with him, drinking in each new moans from each other. Jin closed all distant between them before he promptly transferred his mouth to Ueda’s neck. Licking, sucking, biting reverently. One hand grabbed onto a hand full of the older man’s hair as he tugged the other’s head down to expose the smooth and creamy area.
Through the daze that surrounded him, Ueda was vaguely aware about the whole thing he was sucked in. “Jin, stop,” he managed to say between heavy pants and his hands weakly tangled in Jin’s hair, scraping softly as he tried to pull Jin away. “I have... PV shooting tomorrow, you can’t... leave any marks...” Ueda was slightly disappointed in himself for not being stern enough to pull the younger man away when he clearly knew he was capable to do so. But his limbs felt unhinged. No longer under his conscious intentional control.
“Give me this one night, Tat-chan. I’ll prove to you how much you mean to me,” Jin pressed heated kisses along Ueda’s collarbone, biting softly at the particular mole on it, and Ueda unintentionally arched into the touch, not even caring about his words, or his motivations, or about anything really. Nothing had ever felt this perfectly right and he was far beyond coherency so he simply gave in to the feelings swirling in his gut. He pulled Jin’s head up, their mouths met again in a heated exchange of lips, teeth and tongue. Jin’s fingers deftly slipped under Ueda’s shirt. And he exulted in the shudder that ran through him.
*****
“Jin, the concealer is not working!” Kame exclaimed in an annoyed manner. Jin bit his nails at Kame’s piercing gaze, before looking pleadingly towards Yamapi and Ryo who were massaging their temples as if the problem was a world class one.
“I know Jin is an idiot, but Ueda, you should have stopped yourself considering you do remember you have a PV shooting today,” Ryo’s undertone barely reflected his patience meter.
“I’m sorry,” Ueda palmed his own face, rubbing roughly, partly to cover the beet red blush on his face.
“Hey, Ryo and Pi too, you choose the wrong time to set us up!” Jin tried to defend himself.
“We?” Ryo snapped, raising his voice in anger. “Well, what are you then, a new idol?”
Yamapi sighed, rubbing his forehead once again before carefully eying the faded red mark on Ueda’s neck. That was as far as the concealer could go. There’s no way in hell, they would neither postpone the PV shooting, nor they’d let Ueda appear with a bite mark on screen. “Hold on, I think I have an idea” digging into his memory and whatever feasible creativity he had left in his mind, he instinctively fumbled into the vanity case. “I think there’s something you wore before that could help,” moments later he pulled out an unused butterfly sticker and carefully angled it, sticking gently on the older man’s neck. Just so the butterfly wing would cover the faded mark they managed to reduce with the previous concealer.
“Oh yes! Pi, you’re a genius!” Jin remarked excitedly, hovering his best friend.
“Get off me, idiot!” Yamapi almost pushed Jin away at the sudden attack.
“I wouldn’t have to worry again next time,” Jin clapped a hand on Ueda’s shoulder with an impish grin. But he mumbled a small ‘ouch’ as he felt a small whack on his head.
“You shouldn’t do it again next time, baka!” Ryo and Yamapi scolded in unison. They grabbed Jin’s back collar, practically dragging Jin out of the green room, leaving KAT-TUN and the rest of the crews to start working. But then Ueda’s laughter stopped them as they turned back, frowning.
“You’re not really in a position to laugh here, you know,” Ryo sounded annoyed. But Ueda shook his head.
“I’m sorry, but really, thank you,” Ueda was sure neither Ryo nor Yamapi ever understood what he thanked them for. But he didn’t care. The fact that he finally realized that no matter how much he wanted to, he didn’t have the chance to make Jin fully rely on him, because the world didn’t revolve just around the two of them. And he knew how much effort Ryo and Yamapi had put into bringing Jin back to where he was, right when Jin needed the most.
Ryo and Yamapi shrugged, bowing a bit before continuing to drag Jin out, rambling something about how troublesome it is to have a certain Bakanishi as their best friend. And Ueda just smiled, joining his other band mates for the rest of the day.
Let’s fly together again, Jin. This time, with our own wings. Because two butterflies flying together symbolizes ‘eternal love’.
~The End~
A/N: Sorry, I still sucks at managing my paragraphs and tenses, please bear with me. And I still can’t avoid the butterfly philosophy because that is just how JinDa is. :P
Constructive criticisms are so much welcomed~ ^^